Description:
Coming up to you in NUS and telling your their cock-and-bull story about their long-lost relatives and their dire need of money.
In short, wanting to extort money from you.
What You Need:
01 x Determination (so as to not let them out-talk you into giving your money)
01 x Courage (in case things turn ugly and you need to fend them off physically)
01 x Handphone with the number "6874 1616" stored inside for easy dialing.
With regards to item number 3 in the list of requirements, you can store the number with the name: CAMPUS SECURITY.
How To Do It:
Method 1:
When you are approached in school by these conmen/con-women who wants to cheat you of your money, tell them YES YES OKAY I CALL MY FRIEND TO BRING YOU THE MONEY.
Now call the number you've saved as CAMPUS SECURITY, and then speak loudly in the phone, the below sentence:
"HEY HELLO! SOMEBODY HERE WANTS SOME MONEY FROM ME, CAN YOU PLEASE BRING THE MONEY TO <your current location>?"
Then tell the conmen to wait there with you while your friend (CAMPUS SECURITY) brings the money for them.
Method 2:
Point them in the direction of the nearest canteen or hall residence, citing that you have no money on you, but there will be PLENTY of their native countrymen who will be there willing to give them the money.
Method 3 (applies only if you are approached by the con-women):
Tell them you have no money on you, and direct them to either Geylang or Joo Chiat Road. Say that there will be people there willing to give them the money they need in return for "small favours".
If the con-women acts blur or insists she doesn't know what you mean, tell her DON'T WORRY, JUST GO THERE FIRST. THERE ARE PLENTY OF YOUR NATIVE COUNTRY-WOMEN TO HELP YOU THERE AND GUIDE YOU ALONG.
How To React If You're Caught:
Hmm... wait. There's no chance of you getting caught here! You aren't doing anything despicable here, it's the other party who's doing the despicable act!
In any case, if you manage to execute Method 1, and they are succesfully apprehended, just remember to point your fingers at them after they get inside the patrol car. Then laugh loudly 3 times and be on your way.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Saturdaily: The Attack Of The Clones
Friday nights can be late nights for most of us, as it marks the beginning of a weekend. It may be a night of late night relaxation filled with night activities, which means you will be sleeping late.
So you sleep late on a Friday night, and wake up a little later than the usual weekday timings on a Saturday morning.
But you don't get to sleep late every Saturday.
The fucking HDB Council, for some weird reason, likes to hire the grass-cutter workers by the truckloads only on Saturdays (at least, where I live).
No, it's not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Sunday. It must be a Saturday.
So they come mowing by the truckloads on Saturday mornings, marching on the grass plains ala Star Wars style like the clone troopers.
You never get to sleep late and wake up fully rested on a Saturday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with these @#$#@!@# people.
So you sleep late on a Friday night, and wake up a little later than the usual weekday timings on a Saturday morning.
But you don't get to sleep late every Saturday.
The fucking HDB Council, for some weird reason, likes to hire the grass-cutter workers by the truckloads only on Saturdays (at least, where I live).
No, it's not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Sunday. It must be a Saturday.
So they come mowing by the truckloads on Saturday mornings, marching on the grass plains ala Star Wars style like the clone troopers.
You never get to sleep late and wake up fully rested on a Saturday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with these @#$#@!@# people.
How To Defend Yourself... #1
This tip is mainly for girls.
We all know that when you are threatened by would-be perverts or flashers, one way would be to knee them in the groin.
Here's one more to add to the list of arsenal of tricks:
How?
Grab him by his Adam's apple.
Explanation
Girls have small hands, so this is just the right trick (assuming your hands are free).
Using your master hand (the stronger one), grab the guy's throat, but not the WHOLE throat (you'll most probably be unable to anyway).
Dig your nails into both sides of the lump in the middle of the throat, as if you are trying to pick up a ball that's fallen into a hole.
Now, squeeze HARD and attempt to dig out the Adam's apple.
Effect
Your adversary will choke, giving you time to execute the groin-knee-smash.
Note: If you really have a strong grip, you will seriously incapacitate the opponent and possibly bruise his throat for weeks.
We all know that when you are threatened by would-be perverts or flashers, one way would be to knee them in the groin.
Here's one more to add to the list of arsenal of tricks:
How?
Grab him by his Adam's apple.
Explanation
Girls have small hands, so this is just the right trick (assuming your hands are free).
Using your master hand (the stronger one), grab the guy's throat, but not the WHOLE throat (you'll most probably be unable to anyway).
Dig your nails into both sides of the lump in the middle of the throat, as if you are trying to pick up a ball that's fallen into a hole.
Now, squeeze HARD and attempt to dig out the Adam's apple.
Effect
Your adversary will choke, giving you time to execute the groin-knee-smash.
Note: If you really have a strong grip, you will seriously incapacitate the opponent and possibly bruise his throat for weeks.
Friday, December 23, 2005
Advertisements And What They Mean Actually... (Part 1)
#1: On a certain English television channel
A white man is walking along an Asian street market when he sees an Asian girl who wishes to buy doves (pigeons?). The girl only has a few coins and is only able to buy 1 dove, but she needs a lot of the doves for good luck for her brother.
The white man sees this, and whips out his credit card to purchase all the doves in the Indian street market for the little girl.
What It Actually Means:
1. The white man walking admist the Asian street market, the only one wearing white in the advertisement, among the hawkers in the market, suggests that he is of a higher status than the rest of them.
It is also by no coincidence that all the hawkers are Indians, who are dark-skinned, suggesting a hint of indication of slavery of black men under the power of the white man.
2. The white man takes out his credit card, and all the hawkers in the market turn their heads.
If I wanted a prestigious credit card, I would want people of the highest calibre in society to turn heads. It is obvious that Asian street hawkers are stereotyped to fit none of that description.
#2: On a certain English television channel
A commercial for a worldwide courier service shows people, tailors, artists, peasants, holding part of a piece of a fabric and saying "For you, Amy".
The pieces of fabric come together and become a blouse, which is picked up by a man who calls to her friend (wife), who just so happens to be called Amy.
Amy then picks up the blouse and is so delighted, unaware that it is the courier service that has delivered the blouse to her from the hands of all the people in charge of producing the blouse.
What It Actually Means:
Again, another capitalist pig production.
1. Why must the by-production of the blouse involve only Asians, and the final customer depicted, be a white man?
Again, it seems to suggest subtly that the white man is not involved in manual labour work (harvesting of the cotton, sewing of the fabric, dyeing of the fabric etc). Only the Asians are involved in the hard labour, and the white man is only there to enjoy the fruits of the labour (of his slaves), if I may say so humbly.
A white man is walking along an Asian street market when he sees an Asian girl who wishes to buy doves (pigeons?). The girl only has a few coins and is only able to buy 1 dove, but she needs a lot of the doves for good luck for her brother.
The white man sees this, and whips out his credit card to purchase all the doves in the Indian street market for the little girl.
What It Actually Means:
1. The white man walking admist the Asian street market, the only one wearing white in the advertisement, among the hawkers in the market, suggests that he is of a higher status than the rest of them.
It is also by no coincidence that all the hawkers are Indians, who are dark-skinned, suggesting a hint of indication of slavery of black men under the power of the white man.
2. The white man takes out his credit card, and all the hawkers in the market turn their heads.
If I wanted a prestigious credit card, I would want people of the highest calibre in society to turn heads. It is obvious that Asian street hawkers are stereotyped to fit none of that description.
#2: On a certain English television channel
A commercial for a worldwide courier service shows people, tailors, artists, peasants, holding part of a piece of a fabric and saying "For you, Amy".
The pieces of fabric come together and become a blouse, which is picked up by a man who calls to her friend (wife), who just so happens to be called Amy.
Amy then picks up the blouse and is so delighted, unaware that it is the courier service that has delivered the blouse to her from the hands of all the people in charge of producing the blouse.
What It Actually Means:
Again, another capitalist pig production.
1. Why must the by-production of the blouse involve only Asians, and the final customer depicted, be a white man?
Again, it seems to suggest subtly that the white man is not involved in manual labour work (harvesting of the cotton, sewing of the fabric, dyeing of the fabric etc). Only the Asians are involved in the hard labour, and the white man is only there to enjoy the fruits of the labour (of his slaves), if I may say so humbly.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
What Girls Like (And Dislike)... #1
1. Girls do not like walking on the metal grilles that cover the sewerage system below the sidewalks. Neither do they like walking on the drainage covers, be it metallic covers, or slabs of concrete.
2. Girls do not like walking on sandy areas when there's a concrete sidewalk right next to it.
3. Girls do not like walking across big grassy fields (esp. at night) for the below reasons:
- There may be sand/mud in the field.
- There may be surprises! in the field, e.g, cockroaches or rats or slimey stuff.
- It gets their toes/feet dirty.
2. Girls do not like walking on sandy areas when there's a concrete sidewalk right next to it.
3. Girls do not like walking across big grassy fields (esp. at night) for the below reasons:
- There may be sand/mud in the field.
- There may be surprises! in the field, e.g, cockroaches or rats or slimey stuff.
- It gets their toes/feet dirty.
Weird Things People Do... #1 (And How To Counter Them)
Description:
Cutting their nails on the bus or MRT.
What You Need:
- 01 x Chair (if you are unable to find a seat on the bus/train)
- 01 x Pair of Scissors
- 01 x Big Piece of Cloth
- 01 x Friend
How To Do It:
Take a seat, and drape the cloth over your shoulders. Now get your friend to hold the scissors and begin trimming your hair.
How To React If You're Caught:
1. "They doing personal grooming what!? Why I cannot leh?"
2. "Eh they can cut nails in public place, why I cannot cut my hair oso?"
3. "You wan to catch me for littering, you must catch the fella cutting nails oso loh!!"
Cutting their nails on the bus or MRT.
What You Need:
- 01 x Chair (if you are unable to find a seat on the bus/train)
- 01 x Pair of Scissors
- 01 x Big Piece of Cloth
- 01 x Friend
How To Do It:
Take a seat, and drape the cloth over your shoulders. Now get your friend to hold the scissors and begin trimming your hair.
How To React If You're Caught:
1. "They doing personal grooming what!? Why I cannot leh?"
2. "Eh they can cut nails in public place, why I cannot cut my hair oso?"
3. "You wan to catch me for littering, you must catch the fella cutting nails oso loh!!"
The Significance of Signs Or Cockroach Bait...
At a neighbourhood supermarket (with chain stores islandwide), you can see a prominent sign displayed above the shelves where the eggs are:
DEAR CUSTOMERS,
NO SWOPPING OF EGGS PLEASE.
THANK YOU
It probably just indicates the type of people that frequents the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note, (at the same supermarket) picking up some groceries and queueing up in line for payment, there was this couple behind me who started piling up their groceries onto the conveyor belt at the cashiers. It consisted of the below items:
10 x COMBAT Cockroach Bait (Good enough for 3 months, or so says the box when I chanced upon the box on the shelves on my next visit later that day)
I wonder why they needed that much cockroach bait...
DEAR CUSTOMERS,
NO SWOPPING OF EGGS PLEASE.
THANK YOU
It probably just indicates the type of people that frequents the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------
On a lighter note, (at the same supermarket) picking up some groceries and queueing up in line for payment, there was this couple behind me who started piling up their groceries onto the conveyor belt at the cashiers. It consisted of the below items:
10 x COMBAT Cockroach Bait (Good enough for 3 months, or so says the box when I chanced upon the box on the shelves on my next visit later that day)
I wonder why they needed that much cockroach bait...
Friday, December 16, 2005
On The Bus... #13 or What Is Wrong With These @$%^$# People?
A Malay couple boarded the bus. The man was carrying a bag. The woman (probably his wife) didn't bother about him, and tapped her card and found a seat.
The man, he tapped his card, but the irritating beep persisted with the flashing red light. He did not have sufficient credit in his EZ-Link card.
Apparently, he also did not have enough money on him. He tried to talk his way out to bargain with the bus driver for a free ride.
The bus driver did not comply, and told him to get off the bus if he did not wish to pay for his bus fare. The man refused to disembark, and stood his ground, halting the bus at the stop. His wife looked on and only began to move towards him when her husband had to eventually get off the bus due to angry/annoyed looks from the passengers, and the insistence from the bus driver.
No, she did not move towards him to give him a few coins for the ride, if that's what you are thinking.
"Give me the bag! The bag!" she snapped at the man. The man gave her the bag, and got off the bus.
As the bus roared off, the man was gesturing wildly, cussing and swearing at the bus driver.
The woman began ranting to the other passengers at the next stop.
What is wrong with these people!!??
Moral of the story: You don't have a fu**ing right, if you didn't even pay a cent for it in the first place.
The man, he tapped his card, but the irritating beep persisted with the flashing red light. He did not have sufficient credit in his EZ-Link card.
Apparently, he also did not have enough money on him. He tried to talk his way out to bargain with the bus driver for a free ride.
The bus driver did not comply, and told him to get off the bus if he did not wish to pay for his bus fare. The man refused to disembark, and stood his ground, halting the bus at the stop. His wife looked on and only began to move towards him when her husband had to eventually get off the bus due to angry/annoyed looks from the passengers, and the insistence from the bus driver.
No, she did not move towards him to give him a few coins for the ride, if that's what you are thinking.
"Give me the bag! The bag!" she snapped at the man. The man gave her the bag, and got off the bus.
As the bus roared off, the man was gesturing wildly, cussing and swearing at the bus driver.
The woman began ranting to the other passengers at the next stop.
What is wrong with these people!!??
Moral of the story: You don't have a fu**ing right, if you didn't even pay a cent for it in the first place.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
How To Muck Up YOUR Car Without Even YOU Knowing It!
Disclaimer: This is in NO WAY related to the previous entry "Things That Piss Me Off At Night...".
1. Buy a can of spray paint, and just spray both of the side-view mirrors sticking out from the car.
2. Get a small blob of plasticine, and push it inside the keyhole of the doors and the car boot.
3. Turn open the little caps on the tyres, and press down on the pin you see underneath the cap. This will release all the air inside the tyres.
You probably need to get a tow-truck to come, unless you:
- Have a mini air-pump that can fill up your car tyres.
- Are able to push your car all the way to the nearest petrol station to use the air-pump.
4. Buy lotsa of cheap stickers from any bookstores. Note: We want CHEAP stickers, not those glossy expensive ones that will peel off easily (because they are high-quality stickers). We want cheap ones that leave a mess no matter how carefully you try to peel them off.
Stick them all over the windscreen of the car until the whole windscreen is covered with the cheap stickers. It'll be a hell of a time to try to unpeel all the stickers cleanly, and still be on time for your 9-to-5 job in the morning.
5. Buy from your nearest supermarket or grocery store, a bunch of over-ripe, yellow bananas. It should cost you around $2-3. Buy two bunches if you have a bit more change to spare.
Now unpeel the bananas one by one, and push them one by one up the rear exhaust of the car. Make sure to push all bananas into the exhaust until you are certain the whole exhaust (right up to the engine in front), is filled with bananas.
Any attempt to dig out the mashed-up bananas will result in MORE banana being pushed into the exhaust. You will probably need to tow your car to the workshop to replace the WHOLE EXHAUST PIPE.
Note: Potatoes would do the trick as well, but they are more costly than bananas. Plus you'll need to mash up the potatoes yourself first.
1. Buy a can of spray paint, and just spray both of the side-view mirrors sticking out from the car.
2. Get a small blob of plasticine, and push it inside the keyhole of the doors and the car boot.
3. Turn open the little caps on the tyres, and press down on the pin you see underneath the cap. This will release all the air inside the tyres.
You probably need to get a tow-truck to come, unless you:
- Have a mini air-pump that can fill up your car tyres.
- Are able to push your car all the way to the nearest petrol station to use the air-pump.
4. Buy lotsa of cheap stickers from any bookstores. Note: We want CHEAP stickers, not those glossy expensive ones that will peel off easily (because they are high-quality stickers). We want cheap ones that leave a mess no matter how carefully you try to peel them off.
Stick them all over the windscreen of the car until the whole windscreen is covered with the cheap stickers. It'll be a hell of a time to try to unpeel all the stickers cleanly, and still be on time for your 9-to-5 job in the morning.
5. Buy from your nearest supermarket or grocery store, a bunch of over-ripe, yellow bananas. It should cost you around $2-3. Buy two bunches if you have a bit more change to spare.
Now unpeel the bananas one by one, and push them one by one up the rear exhaust of the car. Make sure to push all bananas into the exhaust until you are certain the whole exhaust (right up to the engine in front), is filled with bananas.
Any attempt to dig out the mashed-up bananas will result in MORE banana being pushed into the exhaust. You will probably need to tow your car to the workshop to replace the WHOLE EXHAUST PIPE.
Note: Potatoes would do the trick as well, but they are more costly than bananas. Plus you'll need to mash up the potatoes yourself first.
Things That Piss Me Off At Night...
1. The idiotic boys who play soccer at 2AM at the void deck downstairs of my place.
2. The idiot with the Phantom Motorcycle that goes boom-boom-boom as he drives past late at night to make a U-turn at the junction outside my place.
3. Those punks that drive modified Subarus and Toyotas, coupled with stereo sound effects similar to those from the film "Initial D".
4. The bastard with the annoying car alarm that goes "Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep".
5. The smell of cigarette smoke that wafts into my room from my neighbour's.
2. The idiot with the Phantom Motorcycle that goes boom-boom-boom as he drives past late at night to make a U-turn at the junction outside my place.
3. Those punks that drive modified Subarus and Toyotas, coupled with stereo sound effects similar to those from the film "Initial D".
4. The bastard with the annoying car alarm that goes "Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep".
5. The smell of cigarette smoke that wafts into my room from my neighbour's.
On The Bus... #12 or The Litter-Bug
Another day, another bus ride. I was seated at the last row of the single-decked bus.
A man wearing traditional Malay costume topped with a songkok boarded the bus with his child. The two of them sat beside me for the trip.
The man fished out a half-eaten packet of sugar-coated peanuts, and began munching on the peanuts by the handful.
The bus came to a stop at the next traffic lights, and the man dropped his peanuts on the floor of the bus. He didn't bother to pick up the handful of peanuts that were now on the floor. He resumed munching at a new handful of peanuts he poured from the packet.
He then rubbed his fingers together in an adding-a-dash-of-salt motion trying to get rid of the fine sugar that stuck to his fingers. When he finished his pack of blasted peanuts, he simply threw the empty plastic packet as far away from him as possible, underneath the seat in front of him.
All the while, with me beside him looking.
I shudder to think what kind of a proper upbringing that the child he brought along with him would have.
A man wearing traditional Malay costume topped with a songkok boarded the bus with his child. The two of them sat beside me for the trip.
The man fished out a half-eaten packet of sugar-coated peanuts, and began munching on the peanuts by the handful.
The bus came to a stop at the next traffic lights, and the man dropped his peanuts on the floor of the bus. He didn't bother to pick up the handful of peanuts that were now on the floor. He resumed munching at a new handful of peanuts he poured from the packet.
He then rubbed his fingers together in an adding-a-dash-of-salt motion trying to get rid of the fine sugar that stuck to his fingers. When he finished his pack of blasted peanuts, he simply threw the empty plastic packet as far away from him as possible, underneath the seat in front of him.
All the while, with me beside him looking.
I shudder to think what kind of a proper upbringing that the child he brought along with him would have.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Star Awards 2005...
Yes yes, I admit that I did watch the event on TV. But only for a while.
So I was thinking, "Why aren't prize-giving ceremonies like the Star Awards conducted in Europe or America?"
And so I thought, and came up with the answers:
1. It would be no fun to see a list of the stars who were ousted out of the Top Ten Celebrities every 15 mins, because it would be very obvious to all that the ones who would get ousted out of the list would be celebrities like Chow Yuen Fatt, Jackie Chan, Zhang Ziyi, Fann Wong (yeah, Shanghai Knights) and Lucy Liu.
In fact, if it ever did happen that Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts ever did appear in that "Did Not Make It List" (even for the first 15 minutes of the ceremony), it may result in riots and rampages raging through the streets of Hollywood.
There might even be angry fans who would shoot the board of directors point-blank, similar to that World Cup incident where the footballer got shot in the face by a fan when he missed that World Cup goal.
2. Hollywood actors and actresses don't like to turn the little figurine around and around, trying to find the front of the award (with that little metal plate describing what award it would be).
It certainly looks silly when you turn it around and around the 4 sides trying to find the front of the figurine. All in front of the camera.
That is why awards like the Emmy Awards, are made of a figurine holding a globe. It is the same, prestigious award every year. You know the face of the figurine indicates the front of the award, just by looking.
3. It would certainly be a big disgrace for Hollywood if the actresses are seen on camera trying to pull up their falling no-strap dresses.
4. People watching the ceremony worldwide would not like to hear the invited Guest-Of-Honour ranting at the podium about how his bed-scene shows are superb and worth watching.
5. It would be very VERY weird if we had newscasters from ABC News, CNN, Fox News, going up the stage to receive awards.
So I was thinking, "Why aren't prize-giving ceremonies like the Star Awards conducted in Europe or America?"
And so I thought, and came up with the answers:
1. It would be no fun to see a list of the stars who were ousted out of the Top Ten Celebrities every 15 mins, because it would be very obvious to all that the ones who would get ousted out of the list would be celebrities like Chow Yuen Fatt, Jackie Chan, Zhang Ziyi, Fann Wong (yeah, Shanghai Knights) and Lucy Liu.
In fact, if it ever did happen that Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts ever did appear in that "Did Not Make It List" (even for the first 15 minutes of the ceremony), it may result in riots and rampages raging through the streets of Hollywood.
There might even be angry fans who would shoot the board of directors point-blank, similar to that World Cup incident where the footballer got shot in the face by a fan when he missed that World Cup goal.
2. Hollywood actors and actresses don't like to turn the little figurine around and around, trying to find the front of the award (with that little metal plate describing what award it would be).
It certainly looks silly when you turn it around and around the 4 sides trying to find the front of the figurine. All in front of the camera.
That is why awards like the Emmy Awards, are made of a figurine holding a globe. It is the same, prestigious award every year. You know the face of the figurine indicates the front of the award, just by looking.
3. It would certainly be a big disgrace for Hollywood if the actresses are seen on camera trying to pull up their falling no-strap dresses.
4. People watching the ceremony worldwide would not like to hear the invited Guest-Of-Honour ranting at the podium about how his bed-scene shows are superb and worth watching.
5. It would be very VERY weird if we had newscasters from ABC News, CNN, Fox News, going up the stage to receive awards.
Why You Still Like Taking A Public Bus...
1. You haven't come across waiting for 40 minutes at the bus-stop for your bus.
2. You haven't met the old woman/man who brings up grocery bags full of fish and prawns onto the bus.
The bus suddenly feels like it has turned into a wet fish market, while the air-con is blowing full blast in the bus, promoting the ventilation of the fishy stench.
3. You haven't met the woman who gets up at every single bus-stop to have a change of seats.
Just before she sits her pretty ass down on the seat, the ominous deafening sound of "PIAK PIAK" resounds throughout the bus as she smacks the seat.
4. You haven't met the disheveled man who, of all places to pick on the empty bus, wants to sit beside you.
5 seconds later after he's sitting beside you, you smell the unmistakable similar smell of salted fish.
You know he's not carrying salted fish with him...
5. You haven't met that young punk who wears the latest model of ear/headphones, and comes up the bus just to share his music with all the people sitting within a radius of 2 seats away from him.
6. You haven't met the mother who lets her child lie down across 2 seats to take his (the child) afternoon nap, with the mother taking up a 3rd seat.
It just so happens that the bus you are on, is a full bus plowing through the streets during peak hours.
7. You haven't witnessed kids (with parents) running from the front of the bus, to the back of the bus like it were an Olympic 100m dash finals. Seconds later, it's the 100m dash back to the front of the bus.
8. You haven't seen that old woman squeezing past five people (who have already been in an orderly queue) to be the first to get onto the bus.
The bus is not even half-filled. In fact, it's an empty bus!
9. You haven't been shouted at by the bus driver to move towards the rear of the bus, even when your ass is already touching the ass of the person next to you.
So much for that "I-paid-my-bus-fare-so-I-can-stand-wherever-I-want" thought, because the shouting makes you feel like a pig being herded into a pig sty. You never did agree to the fare hikes just to be shouted at.
10. You readily pay that extra money when the fare hikes come, only to find that the bus still takes that damned long (#1) to come.
And, on another day, when you're waiting at the bus stop for another bus service, the previous bus service that took so damned long to arrive, comes by the dozens.
It's a conspiracy, I'd say.
2. You haven't met the old woman/man who brings up grocery bags full of fish and prawns onto the bus.
The bus suddenly feels like it has turned into a wet fish market, while the air-con is blowing full blast in the bus, promoting the ventilation of the fishy stench.
3. You haven't met the woman who gets up at every single bus-stop to have a change of seats.
Just before she sits her pretty ass down on the seat, the ominous deafening sound of "PIAK PIAK" resounds throughout the bus as she smacks the seat.
4. You haven't met the disheveled man who, of all places to pick on the empty bus, wants to sit beside you.
5 seconds later after he's sitting beside you, you smell the unmistakable similar smell of salted fish.
You know he's not carrying salted fish with him...
5. You haven't met that young punk who wears the latest model of ear/headphones, and comes up the bus just to share his music with all the people sitting within a radius of 2 seats away from him.
6. You haven't met the mother who lets her child lie down across 2 seats to take his (the child) afternoon nap, with the mother taking up a 3rd seat.
It just so happens that the bus you are on, is a full bus plowing through the streets during peak hours.
7. You haven't witnessed kids (with parents) running from the front of the bus, to the back of the bus like it were an Olympic 100m dash finals. Seconds later, it's the 100m dash back to the front of the bus.
8. You haven't seen that old woman squeezing past five people (who have already been in an orderly queue) to be the first to get onto the bus.
The bus is not even half-filled. In fact, it's an empty bus!
9. You haven't been shouted at by the bus driver to move towards the rear of the bus, even when your ass is already touching the ass of the person next to you.
So much for that "I-paid-my-bus-fare-so-I-can-stand-wherever-I-want" thought, because the shouting makes you feel like a pig being herded into a pig sty. You never did agree to the fare hikes just to be shouted at.
10. You readily pay that extra money when the fare hikes come, only to find that the bus still takes that damned long (#1) to come.
And, on another day, when you're waiting at the bus stop for another bus service, the previous bus service that took so damned long to arrive, comes by the dozens.
It's a conspiracy, I'd say.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Lack Of Originality...
There's a chinese film showing in the cinemas lately. It's called "Perhaps Love".
While I have not seen the movie, and nor do I think the contents are similar, the english name reminds me of the great film "Love Actually".
So much for originality in translations.
Here are some titles which I forsee will be in the cinemas within the next few years:
1.) Probably Love
2.) Maybe leh, Love
3.) Love, Should be la!
4.) Love. Shiok ah!
5.) Somehow (I also dunno leh), Love
6.) Issit Love?
7.) Boh ko leng leh! Love
8.) What Love talking you?
9.) Siao ah! Love
10.) (It) Might Be Love
While I have not seen the movie, and nor do I think the contents are similar, the english name reminds me of the great film "Love Actually".
So much for originality in translations.
Here are some titles which I forsee will be in the cinemas within the next few years:
1.) Probably Love
2.) Maybe leh, Love
3.) Love, Should be la!
4.) Love. Shiok ah!
5.) Somehow (I also dunno leh), Love
6.) Issit Love?
7.) Boh ko leng leh! Love
8.) What Love talking you?
9.) Siao ah! Love
10.) (It) Might Be Love
Monday, December 05, 2005
You Know The Whole World's Against You When...
1.) You go to your nearby clinic to visit your doctor for that cough/flu/fever. You feel terrible, and look at your watch, wondering why the hell everybody goes in for 10-15 mins.
It finally is your turn, and you enter the doctor's room. He looks at you and diagnoses you, then sends you back out to the waiting area.
You look at your watch, it's only been 2 minutes.
2.) You board a bus and it's damned crowded, so you're left standing. You're going to take the bus right to the end of its journey (to the interchange).
You eventually get packed in until you're standing at the door. The next stop comes, and everybody pushes past you to disembark from the bus. This happens for every single f***ing stop. Even the idiot who boarded the bus with you, hops up from the seat he/she greedily snatched, and pushes past you to get off the bus.
You wonder why the hell all these idiots who took the bus for only a few damned stops didn't stand the up and took your place instead.
3.) You're standing in a supermarket queue, with a packet of sweets and a carton of milk in your hands. You've got your money ready for payment with the exact amount. The people in front of you have trolleys of groceries with food that seems enough to feed a typical family of 4 for two whole weeks. The cashier deals with each and every one of them, and all of the people buy groceries worth up to more than $100 EACH.
Your sweets and milk cost only $3.
4.) You're on the bus, rushing for time to meet your friend for an appointment. By some freak chance, the bus pulls in at every single stop along the way.
A person stands at the bus-stop, refusing to board the bus, and hold a conversation with the bus driver on whether the bus you're on, goes to his desired destination.
You meet 3 such persons who pull the bus over on your journey. Each of them holds the bus for an average of 3 minutes, making for a total of 9 minutes.
A typical bus plowing along the roads at 50km/h can travel 7.5km in 9 minutes. That is roughly equivalent to a distance of 4-5 bus stops.
5.) You have an appointment with your doctor, and your appointment card says 2pm. You reach there at 1.45pm and expect to be able to be out of there in 2 minutes' time (from #1).
The bloke with the appointment at 1.45pm comes at 1.59pm, and he gets to go first before you.
It finally is your turn, and you enter the doctor's room. He looks at you and diagnoses you, then sends you back out to the waiting area.
You look at your watch, it's only been 2 minutes.
2.) You board a bus and it's damned crowded, so you're left standing. You're going to take the bus right to the end of its journey (to the interchange).
You eventually get packed in until you're standing at the door. The next stop comes, and everybody pushes past you to disembark from the bus. This happens for every single f***ing stop. Even the idiot who boarded the bus with you, hops up from the seat he/she greedily snatched, and pushes past you to get off the bus.
You wonder why the hell all these idiots who took the bus for only a few damned stops didn't stand the up and took your place instead.
3.) You're standing in a supermarket queue, with a packet of sweets and a carton of milk in your hands. You've got your money ready for payment with the exact amount. The people in front of you have trolleys of groceries with food that seems enough to feed a typical family of 4 for two whole weeks. The cashier deals with each and every one of them, and all of the people buy groceries worth up to more than $100 EACH.
Your sweets and milk cost only $3.
4.) You're on the bus, rushing for time to meet your friend for an appointment. By some freak chance, the bus pulls in at every single stop along the way.
A person stands at the bus-stop, refusing to board the bus, and hold a conversation with the bus driver on whether the bus you're on, goes to his desired destination.
You meet 3 such persons who pull the bus over on your journey. Each of them holds the bus for an average of 3 minutes, making for a total of 9 minutes.
A typical bus plowing along the roads at 50km/h can travel 7.5km in 9 minutes. That is roughly equivalent to a distance of 4-5 bus stops.
5.) You have an appointment with your doctor, and your appointment card says 2pm. You reach there at 1.45pm and expect to be able to be out of there in 2 minutes' time (from #1).
The bloke with the appointment at 1.45pm comes at 1.59pm, and he gets to go first before you.
Just A Day At The Nokia Service Centre
It was a day at the Nokia Service Centre. When you're there, there's only 3 possible reasons you can be there:
1.) You're getting your phone fixed.
2.) You're collecting your fixed phone.
3.) You're accompanying a friend/relative for the above two reasons.
So there I was, due to reason #2.
Some interesting things to note while I was there:
1.) There are a few public computer terminals there, presumably for customers to browse through the Nokia catalogue.
A girl with a guy friend went to the computer terminal and started surfing personal blogs of their friends, and friendster.com.
Another girl came next and started surfing http://www.lovebyte.org.sg/web/ent_p_home.asp.
2.) A man was at the counter collecting his phone. The female receptionist said something (which I couldn't hear) and smiled at the man, and the man seemed sullen-faced. He left, and he walked back after a few steps, and shook his phone at the girl, and said "You think I spent hundreds of dollars on this phone to let you crack a joke on it?"
And he stormed away.
3.) A woman at the counter asked the male staff attending to her how long it would take to service her phone. He looked at his watch, and replied that Nokia would contact her within 3-5 days (because they needed to source for spare parts, he said).
The woman shook her head and frowned, and insisted that it had to be done by Thursday. The male staff told her that they would try to contact her by tomorrow.
That wasn't inclusive of the repair time. The woman pulled a long face and frowned angrily at the male staff.
4.) I got my queue number and it was C174. I looked at the current queue number, it was C161. Sitting down waiting, staring at the queue number display board. I sat down and took a deep breath, irritated and depressed at the long waiting time I'd have to go through.
A man later came by and sat down next to me. His queue number was S258. His current queue was serving S238. Looking at his queue ticket, he took a deep breath.
5.) A woman came into the Service Centre, and took a queue number. The staff prompted her to take a seat while waiting. She walked to the middle of the waiting area and paused.
There were no seats for her.
6.) The staff there pressed for the next customer in queue, C170. The queue number flashed 6-7 times, but nobody stood up. The staff (a male), shouted "C ONE SEVEN ZERO!!! WHO IS ONE SEVEN ZERO!!!??" in his boom-box voice. Everybody turned to look, but nobody stood up still.
He pressed for C171, and that made me happy.
1.) You're getting your phone fixed.
2.) You're collecting your fixed phone.
3.) You're accompanying a friend/relative for the above two reasons.
So there I was, due to reason #2.
Some interesting things to note while I was there:
1.) There are a few public computer terminals there, presumably for customers to browse through the Nokia catalogue.
A girl with a guy friend went to the computer terminal and started surfing personal blogs of their friends, and friendster.com.
Another girl came next and started surfing http://www.lovebyte.org.sg/web/ent_p_home.asp.
2.) A man was at the counter collecting his phone. The female receptionist said something (which I couldn't hear) and smiled at the man, and the man seemed sullen-faced. He left, and he walked back after a few steps, and shook his phone at the girl, and said "You think I spent hundreds of dollars on this phone to let you crack a joke on it?"
And he stormed away.
3.) A woman at the counter asked the male staff attending to her how long it would take to service her phone. He looked at his watch, and replied that Nokia would contact her within 3-5 days (because they needed to source for spare parts, he said).
The woman shook her head and frowned, and insisted that it had to be done by Thursday. The male staff told her that they would try to contact her by tomorrow.
That wasn't inclusive of the repair time. The woman pulled a long face and frowned angrily at the male staff.
4.) I got my queue number and it was C174. I looked at the current queue number, it was C161. Sitting down waiting, staring at the queue number display board. I sat down and took a deep breath, irritated and depressed at the long waiting time I'd have to go through.
A man later came by and sat down next to me. His queue number was S258. His current queue was serving S238. Looking at his queue ticket, he took a deep breath.
5.) A woman came into the Service Centre, and took a queue number. The staff prompted her to take a seat while waiting. She walked to the middle of the waiting area and paused.
There were no seats for her.
6.) The staff there pressed for the next customer in queue, C170. The queue number flashed 6-7 times, but nobody stood up. The staff (a male), shouted "C ONE SEVEN ZERO!!! WHO IS ONE SEVEN ZERO!!!??" in his boom-box voice. Everybody turned to look, but nobody stood up still.
He pressed for C171, and that made me happy.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #11
NS is worth only SGD$5000.
Note: I am in no way claiming credit for the above article, which was taken from The Straits Times' Forum. I believe the author of the article would not be ashamed to have his name published for writing his article (even though in some sense, it belongs to ST). I am also in no way gaining/making/earning any profits or personal gains from reproducing this article.
*Update*: Apparently, NS is worth $3000. This amount is the same amount that the woman was fined. You know, the one who tried to bring in two roasted geese but was caught at the airport by the authorities.
Nasty Tricks #2 (aka The Handphone Trick) Disclaimer
This post was taken from the Straits Times' Forum. I am not claiming credit for it, and nor am I making any money or personal gains from re-producing this article. (Note the boxed-up article in red)
It wasn't me, I swear.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
The Law Of Conservation Of Happiness...
Statement:
Happiness is never created, nor can it be destroyed. It can only be transferred. The total amount of net happiness present in this world, is zero.
Proof:
1. When a group of boys are playing football at the void deck of your neighbouring block of flats at 0200hrs in the morning, they become happy.
2. You become unhappy, because they make a hell lotta noise.
3. You call in the cops to investigate this domestic disturbance, and then you become happy.
4. The cops become unhappy, having to answer the call by sending out a patrol car in the dead of the night.
5. You see the cops arrive at the scene, and your happiness increases at the thought of the boys who will be punished.
6. However the boys playing soccer have already escaped before the arrival of the cops, and thus the boys in blue become more unhappy when they see that there is nobody at the scene of the disturbance.
7. The boys playing soccer escaped with the largest net positive profit of happiness. You gain a small amount of positive profit happiness since the disturbance has ceased to be (although not eradicated totally). The boys in blue are at the losing end with the largest negative loss of happiness, having been called out in the dead of the night, AND finding out that there is no source of noise disturbance to investigate.
Net of large amount of happiness in the boys playing soccer + Net of small amount of happiness in you = Net of large amount of unhappiness in the cops
Moving the RHS to the LHS, we see that the equation equals to 0. QED.
Happiness is never created, nor can it be destroyed. It can only be transferred. The total amount of net happiness present in this world, is zero.
Proof:
1. When a group of boys are playing football at the void deck of your neighbouring block of flats at 0200hrs in the morning, they become happy.
2. You become unhappy, because they make a hell lotta noise.
3. You call in the cops to investigate this domestic disturbance, and then you become happy.
4. The cops become unhappy, having to answer the call by sending out a patrol car in the dead of the night.
5. You see the cops arrive at the scene, and your happiness increases at the thought of the boys who will be punished.
6. However the boys playing soccer have already escaped before the arrival of the cops, and thus the boys in blue become more unhappy when they see that there is nobody at the scene of the disturbance.
7. The boys playing soccer escaped with the largest net positive profit of happiness. You gain a small amount of positive profit happiness since the disturbance has ceased to be (although not eradicated totally). The boys in blue are at the losing end with the largest negative loss of happiness, having been called out in the dead of the night, AND finding out that there is no source of noise disturbance to investigate.
Net of large amount of happiness in the boys playing soccer + Net of small amount of happiness in you = Net of large amount of unhappiness in the cops
Moving the RHS to the LHS, we see that the equation equals to 0. QED.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
How To Cheat In The Examinations With 3 GUARANTEED Ways!
1. The Deaf Man
Wear a hearing aid look-alike to the examination hall. What you want the device to do, is entirely of your own creativity. You can either install a recording of your notes in audio format (great for those closed-book exams), or you could have a paid person at the other end being your "lifeline" (great for those open-book exams!).
You can rest assured that NOBODY will ever demand for you to take off your "hearing-aid" for inspection.
If that REALLY happens, just kick up a big ruckus that the school is trying to discriminate against people who are deaf.
2. Wear A Cap
Wear a cap to the examination hall, preferably a light-colored cap, and with a long tongue too. Write all the secret formulas required, UNDER the tongue of the cap, so that nobody else can see them except yourself.
Again, you can rest assured that you will not be demanded to take off your cap for inspection. Just lower your head over your script most of the time, otherwise your eyeballs will give you away if somebody sees them uncannily looking upwards all the time.
3. Paradoxic Twins
Have a twin who dresses like you, and looks like you exactly. And taking the same module of course. You only need to study 50% of the contents, whereas your evi.. oops ermmm.. twin, just studies the remaining 50%. This is specialisation at its best!
Now go to the examination hall, and finish up all the questions that you have only studied for (since you didn't prepare for the other half, don't be suicidal and attempt the remaining questions!) Then pretend to have a stomachache, and go to the toilet to hide it out. Now your evil, oops, erm.. twin, should by then have finished his portion also, and pretended to need to go to the toilet as well. Now both of you are in the toilet. You both look the same, dress the same, everything's the same (including your stupid brains, since you had to resort to this trick)!
Okay, so leave the toilet one at a time, and return to your twin's seat, not your own. Help him to finish up the other half, while your twin helps you to finish your other half. You both will have perfect A-grade scripts, ready for handing up!
PS: If you look ugly and short, it would be a bonus in executing this high-risk maneouver, since nobody gives a flying shit about short and ugly twins and notices them.
Wear a hearing aid look-alike to the examination hall. What you want the device to do, is entirely of your own creativity. You can either install a recording of your notes in audio format (great for those closed-book exams), or you could have a paid person at the other end being your "lifeline" (great for those open-book exams!).
You can rest assured that NOBODY will ever demand for you to take off your "hearing-aid" for inspection.
If that REALLY happens, just kick up a big ruckus that the school is trying to discriminate against people who are deaf.
2. Wear A Cap
Wear a cap to the examination hall, preferably a light-colored cap, and with a long tongue too. Write all the secret formulas required, UNDER the tongue of the cap, so that nobody else can see them except yourself.
Again, you can rest assured that you will not be demanded to take off your cap for inspection. Just lower your head over your script most of the time, otherwise your eyeballs will give you away if somebody sees them uncannily looking upwards all the time.
3. Paradoxic Twins
Have a twin who dresses like you, and looks like you exactly. And taking the same module of course. You only need to study 50% of the contents, whereas your evi.. oops ermmm.. twin, just studies the remaining 50%. This is specialisation at its best!
Now go to the examination hall, and finish up all the questions that you have only studied for (since you didn't prepare for the other half, don't be suicidal and attempt the remaining questions!) Then pretend to have a stomachache, and go to the toilet to hide it out. Now your evil, oops, erm.. twin, should by then have finished his portion also, and pretended to need to go to the toilet as well. Now both of you are in the toilet. You both look the same, dress the same, everything's the same (including your stupid brains, since you had to resort to this trick)!
Okay, so leave the toilet one at a time, and return to your twin's seat, not your own. Help him to finish up the other half, while your twin helps you to finish your other half. You both will have perfect A-grade scripts, ready for handing up!
PS: If you look ugly and short, it would be a bonus in executing this high-risk maneouver, since nobody gives a flying shit about short and ugly twins and notices them.
Monday, November 14, 2005
How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #10
To survive in the real world, there are two most important skills you must pick up:
1.) The Art of Holding Balls
2.) Playing with Politics
1.) The Art of Holding Balls
2.) Playing with Politics
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Campers: The Fake, The True And The Hardcore
Campers: Defined as students who come to school to study or revise their work.
A true camper is one who stays until late into the night around school, leaving only when it really is too late (before the last bus leaves), or when they are forced to go home (because the venue for studying is closed for the night).
A hardcore camper is one who brings along sleeping bags and food to last them throughout the night. Sometimes hardcore campers come together and do rotating shift duty in school. There will always be one man (or woman) guarding their location somewhere in school (that is open 24hrs of course), as well as their pile of rations and sleeping bags.
A fake camper, well, is just a stupid person who just comes to school to find a spot to sit, sleep or just idle the time away in between their lessons. These group of people like to pick the hot spots good for studying, depriving the true and hardcore campers.
They come for just a couple of hours, and then leave before the sky turns dark.
A word of advice to these fake campers: Go HOME, you idiots. Don't take up seats in school that could otherwise provide more "utility" for hardworking students. If you want to stay, stay until the night. If you have that one or two hours to burn in between lessons, go find some noisy spot with all the other fake campers to while the time away. DO NOT deprive others who wish to maximise their time. Don't come just for 30 mins to a couple of hours, and then quickly pack up and run along back home.
Oh yes, and a fake camper never comes to school on Public Holidays and weekends.
Get lost, you weird freaks.
A true camper is one who stays until late into the night around school, leaving only when it really is too late (before the last bus leaves), or when they are forced to go home (because the venue for studying is closed for the night).
A hardcore camper is one who brings along sleeping bags and food to last them throughout the night. Sometimes hardcore campers come together and do rotating shift duty in school. There will always be one man (or woman) guarding their location somewhere in school (that is open 24hrs of course), as well as their pile of rations and sleeping bags.
A fake camper, well, is just a stupid person who just comes to school to find a spot to sit, sleep or just idle the time away in between their lessons. These group of people like to pick the hot spots good for studying, depriving the true and hardcore campers.
They come for just a couple of hours, and then leave before the sky turns dark.
A word of advice to these fake campers: Go HOME, you idiots. Don't take up seats in school that could otherwise provide more "utility" for hardworking students. If you want to stay, stay until the night. If you have that one or two hours to burn in between lessons, go find some noisy spot with all the other fake campers to while the time away. DO NOT deprive others who wish to maximise their time. Don't come just for 30 mins to a couple of hours, and then quickly pack up and run along back home.
Oh yes, and a fake camper never comes to school on Public Holidays and weekends.
Get lost, you weird freaks.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Cars And Stickers
Lately there seems to be a growing trend of modified cars the streets, all sounding very much like the cars you see in the movie Initial D (about car racing).
There also seems to be a very weird trend of sticking up the car with stickers of the car owner's name and his girlfriend's name, with their blood type, for instance:
TAN AH BENG A+
CHOW AH LIAN O+
What's the fad? Sounds pretty stupid to me though. Given that those flashy MUGEN car stickers or RALLIART are already sort of overdoing it, what's the practicality of putting up these kind of stickers?
1. If you break up with the girl, you have to replace the sticker, and custom-print a new one. As if the break-up wasn't bad enough already (if you're the one who got dumped).
2. If you are the one dumping, that's even more lame. You'll be actually looking for things to spend money on (by needing to replace the sticker).
3. Attention-seekers? Or, more appropriately, attention-whores? Go on, tell the whole world who's your girl, man. Be my guest. Seriously, NOBODY gives you a flying shit as to who your partner is. Unless your sticker says (just an example, no historical accuracies whatsoever):
TOM CRUISE A+
NICOLE KIDMAN A-
or
BRAD PITT A+
JENNIFER ANISTON A-
THEN maybe I would hang around for a few hours waiting to see the real deal.
Otherwise, I simply won't give a f*** about what your sticker says. The most I would do, is to use your car as a support when that chewing gum gets stuck on the soles of my shoe.
So, given that NOBODY would give a shat about what your sticker says, why do you need it there for?
1. Are you suffering from amnesia? You forget who your spouse is most of the time, and need the sticker to remind you? You really should spend the money on a good doctor to cure your amnesia, for it might be an indication of Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, you understand? Stop wasting money on those lame stickers and GET A GOOD DOCTOR!
2. Are you trying to tell other girls to get outta there, and stop trying to pick you up because you already have a girlfriend? Oh come on, you can't be serious right? Sounds like you got an inflated ego.
3. You've run out of RALLIART and MUGEN stickers to paste, and thought up of this idea? Yeah it's such a good idea that it turns me off. Why didn't you stick your name with your family tree? Then it can cover both sides of the rear passenger door windows as well? That's an even better idea right?
This is such a weird world.
There also seems to be a very weird trend of sticking up the car with stickers of the car owner's name and his girlfriend's name, with their blood type, for instance:
TAN AH BENG A+
CHOW AH LIAN O+
What's the fad? Sounds pretty stupid to me though. Given that those flashy MUGEN car stickers or RALLIART are already sort of overdoing it, what's the practicality of putting up these kind of stickers?
1. If you break up with the girl, you have to replace the sticker, and custom-print a new one. As if the break-up wasn't bad enough already (if you're the one who got dumped).
2. If you are the one dumping, that's even more lame. You'll be actually looking for things to spend money on (by needing to replace the sticker).
3. Attention-seekers? Or, more appropriately, attention-whores? Go on, tell the whole world who's your girl, man. Be my guest. Seriously, NOBODY gives you a flying shit as to who your partner is. Unless your sticker says (just an example, no historical accuracies whatsoever):
TOM CRUISE A+
NICOLE KIDMAN A-
or
BRAD PITT A+
JENNIFER ANISTON A-
THEN maybe I would hang around for a few hours waiting to see the real deal.
Otherwise, I simply won't give a f*** about what your sticker says. The most I would do, is to use your car as a support when that chewing gum gets stuck on the soles of my shoe.
So, given that NOBODY would give a shat about what your sticker says, why do you need it there for?
1. Are you suffering from amnesia? You forget who your spouse is most of the time, and need the sticker to remind you? You really should spend the money on a good doctor to cure your amnesia, for it might be an indication of Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, you understand? Stop wasting money on those lame stickers and GET A GOOD DOCTOR!
2. Are you trying to tell other girls to get outta there, and stop trying to pick you up because you already have a girlfriend? Oh come on, you can't be serious right? Sounds like you got an inflated ego.
3. You've run out of RALLIART and MUGEN stickers to paste, and thought up of this idea? Yeah it's such a good idea that it turns me off. Why didn't you stick your name with your family tree? Then it can cover both sides of the rear passenger door windows as well? That's an even better idea right?
This is such a weird world.
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Just Another Day In School... #6
At a certain spot in school, a study area, there are a bunch of clowns who are happily chatting away, fooling around, catching up on the latest gossip, sleeping all over the tables and chairs, playing games with each other via MSN on their laptops, watching videos on their laptops.
In short, making a hell lotta noise.
All the while, with me and some other students who are trying to do some work at the study area.
Did I hear you say "Some people are just like that, they like to waste their time away in-between lessons. Just go find some other quieter spot lor..."?
It was a Saturday in school, for goodness' sake.
What is WRONG with all these people?
In short, making a hell lotta noise.
All the while, with me and some other students who are trying to do some work at the study area.
Did I hear you say "Some people are just like that, they like to waste their time away in-between lessons. Just go find some other quieter spot lor..."?
It was a Saturday in school, for goodness' sake.
What is WRONG with all these people?
Saturday, October 22, 2005
Have You Ever Wondered Why?
Why is it that when you have a gigantic piece of dirt stuck in your nostrils (pee sai), and you manage to remove it (either using your fingers or whatever), you will start sneezing after a while?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
5 Nasty Things You Can Do To Your Friend-Turned-Enemy
1. The School Bag Trick:
One of the most evil thoughts ever to be materialised, this involves taking from your enemy, his/her school bag (if you're in the corporate world, briefcase then).
You might want to do this when he's away (very easy to do since you probably still know his/her way of life; when he/she will not be around his/her belongings).
Take the bag, and go to the nearest bus stop. Flag the first bus you see, get onto it, and sit somewhere at the back of the bus (so that nobody else sees you). Then just leave his/her bag there, and drop off at the next bus stop.
Walk back to where you came from. Feign innocence (How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #4 & #5) if he/she asks you what happened. He/she may get back the contents of the bag if there was some form of identity inside there, but since you would be clever enough to remove all forms of identification inside the bag, it will be as good as lost.
This is one of the worst tricks ever to perform on somebody. If you have never understood the Chinese saying of "ants on a hot pot", this will be your chance to witness it.
Missing wallet/PDA/Laptop/whatever: $10 upwards
Missing Documents/Tutorials/Lecture Notes: $10 upwards (based on photocopying costs)
Agonised look on your enemy's face: Priceless
Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)
Comments: Just don't get caught for an attempt to "leave your belongings unattended". You'll be in sh*tload of trouble if you're suspected as being a terrorist.
2. The Handphone Trick:
This is not as bad as Trick 1., but as equally devastating as well.
Take your chance and borrow his/her handphone to just "take a look". But before doing so, you must make sure you have seen some handphone joke/stories advertisements either from TV or the papers.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's those advertisements that go "SMS 'JOKE' to 76xxx". And then the fineprint says $2 (or higher) per SMS.
The catch with these company conspiracies is that they will NOT STOP sending jokes to you. You will continue to receive the jokes until you unsubscribe from it! And each SMS sent to you costs $2. If you know at least 5 or more of these services (and can key them in faster than your friend can notice), your friend will probably be in for a bad shock when his bill comes.
And the worst thing is, to unsubscribe, you have to SMS the "keyword" (be it UNSUBSCRIBE/CANCEL/whatever) to another number (sometimes it's the same, sometimes it's not).
If your friend doesn't know which number and what keyword to use to unsubscribe, you probably have won this round already.
Rating: * * (2 stars)
Comments: The level of damage done will be in terms of monetary losses, anything from $10 upwards. Easily countered if the service has the way to unsubscribe contained in the SMS.
3. The Computer Trick
This trick may require a you to be a little tech savvy. We all know that whether it's for work or play, we will come into contact with a PC or laptop. This goes the same whether you're still studying (student) or you're working (corporate).
Simply put, just go up to your enemy's computer, and attempt to delete the files he/she has on her computer.
If the computer has only one "drive" (using the term loosely) C:, then just highlight the folders in Windows Explorer, and press SHIFT-DEL. Answer "Yes to All" when prompted, and you're done.
If the computer has more than one "drive", be it C: D: E: etcetra, just highlight the D or E drive, and right-click the mouse and choose FORMAT. Do a quick format (since he'll be back anytime), and click yes, and then close all the windows.
A quick format of any drive can be done in a matter of seconds, and even though it only erases the indexes pointing to your files (meaning the files are still there physically), recovering the lost data can take at least anything from 6 to 48 hours up.
Rating: * * * * (4 stars)
Comments: Get the hell outta there once you click that OK button.
4. The Kamikaze Trick (Non-Corporate Situations Only)
This is an idea taken from the kamikaze pilots during WWII. You must be mentally prepared to execute such a manoeuvre. After doing this trick, you can never beg for forgiveness ever again, so be prepared to declare war on your enemy from then onwards.
This trick only applies if you are still studying with your friend-turned-enemy. Borrow his term paper, saying you only need it as a reference, and assure him you are actually doing a different topic, and that you will only be wanting to see the format/layout of the paper. If you don't have a term paper, do it with a lab experiment or something. The work must be a piece of graded work.
Now once you've managed to borrow his/her work, copy his work and pass it off as your own. Then hand it up to your teacher. Now, assuming your teacher is sharp enough to notice the difference, both of you will probably be invited for a chit-chat session one fine afternoon.
From then onwards, how you manage to take it from there, be it to accuse your enemy of copying yours (and not the other way round), or whether admitting to copying, is not of concern anymore, since both of you will probably be given a F grade for that assignment.
Rating: * * * (3 stars)
Comments: You have to be mentally prepared to do such an extreme trick, for it may cause you to get an overall F grade (or even expelled) if the work takes anything from 30-50% of your final CA. And that is why this trick only earned 3 stars and not anything higher.
5. The Spammer's Trick
Nah, you don't need to be a spammer to do this. Just get hold of your friend's email account that he uses for work (or school), NOT those @hotmail or @yahoo or @cheapomail.com maill accounts. Something used for more serious stuff like @(school).edu.xx or @(company name).com.
Now, go and surf over to your *favourite*... erm... sorry... just some pornography websites (now don't get distracted by any of those), and look for that "SEND ME PICS!" box. Type in your fri-enemy's email address, and click that SUBSCRIBE button!
Do it for maybe 10 or 20 different sites, and you can ensure that he/she will surely be pissed like nothing before.
The email address will go into the spammer's mailing lists forever, circulating round and round all the spammers across countries as they sell their mailing lists off to one another in a never-ending cycle.
That means your fri-enemy will be doomed forever to receive those pills, stocks, bank fraud emails, mixed in with all the serious work mails. *sniggers*
Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)
Comments: Utterly devastating. Even the most high-tech spam filters cannot ensure 100% blockout-rate.
One of the most evil thoughts ever to be materialised, this involves taking from your enemy, his/her school bag (if you're in the corporate world, briefcase then).
You might want to do this when he's away (very easy to do since you probably still know his/her way of life; when he/she will not be around his/her belongings).
Take the bag, and go to the nearest bus stop. Flag the first bus you see, get onto it, and sit somewhere at the back of the bus (so that nobody else sees you). Then just leave his/her bag there, and drop off at the next bus stop.
Walk back to where you came from. Feign innocence (How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #4 & #5) if he/she asks you what happened. He/she may get back the contents of the bag if there was some form of identity inside there, but since you would be clever enough to remove all forms of identification inside the bag, it will be as good as lost.
This is one of the worst tricks ever to perform on somebody. If you have never understood the Chinese saying of "ants on a hot pot", this will be your chance to witness it.
Missing wallet/PDA/Laptop/whatever: $10 upwards
Missing Documents/Tutorials/Lecture Notes: $10 upwards (based on photocopying costs)
Agonised look on your enemy's face: Priceless
Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)
Comments: Just don't get caught for an attempt to "leave your belongings unattended". You'll be in sh*tload of trouble if you're suspected as being a terrorist.
2. The Handphone Trick:
This is not as bad as Trick 1., but as equally devastating as well.
Take your chance and borrow his/her handphone to just "take a look". But before doing so, you must make sure you have seen some handphone joke/stories advertisements either from TV or the papers.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's those advertisements that go "SMS 'JOKE' to 76xxx". And then the fineprint says $2 (or higher) per SMS.
The catch with these company conspiracies is that they will NOT STOP sending jokes to you. You will continue to receive the jokes until you unsubscribe from it! And each SMS sent to you costs $2. If you know at least 5 or more of these services (and can key them in faster than your friend can notice), your friend will probably be in for a bad shock when his bill comes.
And the worst thing is, to unsubscribe, you have to SMS the "keyword" (be it UNSUBSCRIBE/CANCEL/whatever) to another number (sometimes it's the same, sometimes it's not).
If your friend doesn't know which number and what keyword to use to unsubscribe, you probably have won this round already.
Rating: * * (2 stars)
Comments: The level of damage done will be in terms of monetary losses, anything from $10 upwards. Easily countered if the service has the way to unsubscribe contained in the SMS.
3. The Computer Trick
This trick may require a you to be a little tech savvy. We all know that whether it's for work or play, we will come into contact with a PC or laptop. This goes the same whether you're still studying (student) or you're working (corporate).
Simply put, just go up to your enemy's computer, and attempt to delete the files he/she has on her computer.
If the computer has only one "drive" (using the term loosely) C:, then just highlight the folders in Windows Explorer, and press SHIFT-DEL. Answer "Yes to All" when prompted, and you're done.
If the computer has more than one "drive", be it C: D: E: etcetra, just highlight the D or E drive, and right-click the mouse and choose FORMAT. Do a quick format (since he'll be back anytime), and click yes, and then close all the windows.
A quick format of any drive can be done in a matter of seconds, and even though it only erases the indexes pointing to your files (meaning the files are still there physically), recovering the lost data can take at least anything from 6 to 48 hours up.
Rating: * * * * (4 stars)
Comments: Get the hell outta there once you click that OK button.
4. The Kamikaze Trick (Non-Corporate Situations Only)
This is an idea taken from the kamikaze pilots during WWII. You must be mentally prepared to execute such a manoeuvre. After doing this trick, you can never beg for forgiveness ever again, so be prepared to declare war on your enemy from then onwards.
This trick only applies if you are still studying with your friend-turned-enemy. Borrow his term paper, saying you only need it as a reference, and assure him you are actually doing a different topic, and that you will only be wanting to see the format/layout of the paper. If you don't have a term paper, do it with a lab experiment or something. The work must be a piece of graded work.
Now once you've managed to borrow his/her work, copy his work and pass it off as your own. Then hand it up to your teacher. Now, assuming your teacher is sharp enough to notice the difference, both of you will probably be invited for a chit-chat session one fine afternoon.
From then onwards, how you manage to take it from there, be it to accuse your enemy of copying yours (and not the other way round), or whether admitting to copying, is not of concern anymore, since both of you will probably be given a F grade for that assignment.
Rating: * * * (3 stars)
Comments: You have to be mentally prepared to do such an extreme trick, for it may cause you to get an overall F grade (or even expelled) if the work takes anything from 30-50% of your final CA. And that is why this trick only earned 3 stars and not anything higher.
5. The Spammer's Trick
Nah, you don't need to be a spammer to do this. Just get hold of your friend's email account that he uses for work (or school), NOT those @hotmail or @yahoo or @cheapomail.com maill accounts. Something used for more serious stuff like @(school)
Now, go and surf over to your *favourite*... erm... sorry... just some pornography websites (now don't get distracted by any of those), and look for that "SEND ME PICS!" box. Type in your fri-enemy's email address, and click that SUBSCRIBE button!
Do it for maybe 10 or 20 different sites, and you can ensure that he/she will surely be pissed like nothing before.
The email address will go into the spammer's mailing lists forever, circulating round and round all the spammers across countries as they sell their mailing lists off to one another in a never-ending cycle.
That means your fri-enemy will be doomed forever to receive those pills, stocks, bank fraud emails, mixed in with all the serious work mails. *sniggers*
Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)
Comments: Utterly devastating. Even the most high-tech spam filters cannot ensure 100% blockout-rate.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Just Another Day In School... #5
The only sanctuary in school nowadays are the below locations:
1. A SBS Bus
2. Any class that requires essay-writing for a term paper.
3. School of Law
I will post more locations of such sanctuaries should I find them.
1. A SBS Bus
2. Any class that requires essay-writing for a term paper.
3. School of Law
I will post more locations of such sanctuaries should I find them.
How I Nearly Failed A Module...
First off, I am not being sour grapes here just because I didn't get a good grade. It was a number of factors that led me to this demise. In fact, thinking back, I am surprised that I managed to barely scrape past this module.
It was an unexpected chain of events which combined together to give an utterly devastating killing blow:
1. There was a presentation for this module. I did my best, speaking fluently and knowlegeably about the topic. I used cue cards, and I did not even take a single glance at the projector screen during the presentation. I got a B.
There was this bitch in another presenting group who laughed her head off and grinned at all the questions posed to her, giving answers like "...probably..." and "...maybe...". She read off her presentation from the projector screen. She got the same grade as me.
Note: I am not being a sore loser here. The point is, if one has to make somebody a benchmark, all others should be aligned accordingly to this benchmark.
There is no sense in giving a good student and a bad student the same grade, because it indicates their abilities are the same.
You can give me a C, or a D, I am fine with that. But at the very least, have students who obviously did worst, an E or an F, not the same grade!
2. There was a Term Test conducted. I was stupid enough to sit at the second row at the test venue. When the lecturer came to collect my test paper, I turned around to look at the remaining 10-20 rows of students behind me.
They were all still writing furiously.
There was even a non-local student sitting at the first row in front of me. Below is a transcript (as accurately as I could remember) of their conversation:
Lecturer: *Grabs onto student's paper* Hello, time's up. Please hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds back onto paper, continues writing in a last-ditch attempt*
Lecturer: Hey, time's up already, Hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds up one hand and gestures at the lecturer* NO NO WAIT!
Lecturer: *Looks around nervously*
At this point of time, there are 3 hands on that particular student's script. 1 from the lecturer, 2 from the student's. This lasted for around half a minute or so, before the student reluctantly allowed the lecturer to collect his script.
Needless to say, the student's script was not torn apart. Neither was he branded as cheating.
3. There was this other bitch in the class. Everytime she attended the class (she didn't come all the time), she would pose awkward and difficult questions to the presenting group.
I got backstabbed by her on my first presentation mentioned in 1.) above.
4. There was a project required in this module, comprising of either 4 or 5 members. My group members weren't so "spontaneous" at all. I initiated the project, I dished out the orders, I set the deadline, I compiled the final report.
Not because I liked it of course. There are finer details, but I shall keep it simple.
5. The tutor suffers from recency bias.
While I must say that I wasn't that active in class participation to the extent of being an attention-whore, I spoke when nobody else could, and the tutor acknowledged my answers as what she was looking for. I got a B for my ocassional, qualitative participation.
The same bitch in 1.) started "suddenly" being very active in class during the last two tutorials, talking plenty of nonsensical things which weren't related nor answered the question at hand. Giving answers which she was unsure of, marked by words such as "I think...", "Probably...", "Maybe..." "I guess...", she got an A.
It was an unexpected chain of events which combined together to give an utterly devastating killing blow:
1. There was a presentation for this module. I did my best, speaking fluently and knowlegeably about the topic. I used cue cards, and I did not even take a single glance at the projector screen during the presentation. I got a B.
There was this bitch in another presenting group who laughed her head off and grinned at all the questions posed to her, giving answers like "...probably..." and "...maybe...". She read off her presentation from the projector screen. She got the same grade as me.
Note: I am not being a sore loser here. The point is, if one has to make somebody a benchmark, all others should be aligned accordingly to this benchmark.
There is no sense in giving a good student and a bad student the same grade, because it indicates their abilities are the same.
You can give me a C, or a D, I am fine with that. But at the very least, have students who obviously did worst, an E or an F, not the same grade!
2. There was a Term Test conducted. I was stupid enough to sit at the second row at the test venue. When the lecturer came to collect my test paper, I turned around to look at the remaining 10-20 rows of students behind me.
They were all still writing furiously.
There was even a non-local student sitting at the first row in front of me. Below is a transcript (as accurately as I could remember) of their conversation:
Lecturer: *Grabs onto student's paper* Hello, time's up. Please hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds back onto paper, continues writing in a last-ditch attempt*
Lecturer: Hey, time's up already, Hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds up one hand and gestures at the lecturer* NO NO WAIT!
Lecturer: *Looks around nervously*
At this point of time, there are 3 hands on that particular student's script. 1 from the lecturer, 2 from the student's. This lasted for around half a minute or so, before the student reluctantly allowed the lecturer to collect his script.
Needless to say, the student's script was not torn apart. Neither was he branded as cheating.
3. There was this other bitch in the class. Everytime she attended the class (she didn't come all the time), she would pose awkward and difficult questions to the presenting group.
I got backstabbed by her on my first presentation mentioned in 1.) above.
4. There was a project required in this module, comprising of either 4 or 5 members. My group members weren't so "spontaneous" at all. I initiated the project, I dished out the orders, I set the deadline, I compiled the final report.
Not because I liked it of course. There are finer details, but I shall keep it simple.
5. The tutor suffers from recency bias.
While I must say that I wasn't that active in class participation to the extent of being an attention-whore, I spoke when nobody else could, and the tutor acknowledged my answers as what she was looking for. I got a B for my ocassional, qualitative participation.
The same bitch in 1.) started "suddenly" being very active in class during the last two tutorials, talking plenty of nonsensical things which weren't related nor answered the question at hand. Giving answers which she was unsure of, marked by words such as "I think...", "Probably...", "Maybe..." "I guess...", she got an A.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Just Another Day In School... #4
Here are two very classic examples of "How In The Hell Did You Qualify For University Education?!"
Classic Example No. 1:
Classic Example No. 1:
Note:
1. This posting was made on 29th September 2005.
2. The "make-up test" being referred to here is to be scheduled on the 8th October 2005.
3. Scienctists have not made any breakthrough in forecasting/predicting the future as of now (29th September 2005).
Classic Example No. 2:
Note:
1. This posting was made on 29th September 2005, marking Week 7 (out of 13 weeks of the school semester).
Disclaimer: I am not liable for the coincidence that occurs in the names of the students involved.
Monday, September 26, 2005
On The Bus... #11
Another trip on the bus. Two caucasian girls were on the bus chatting loudly.
Girl 1: *Whips out her ez-link card* "I got this for like don't know how much."
Girl 2: "OMG I can't believe you're an EZ-Linker!"
Girl 1: "What's wrong with that?"
Girl 2: "I just can't believe it." *Shakes her head*
*More chattering ensues*
Girl 1: *Tries to tap her ez-link card at the reader*
(The reader is showing the no-entry sign at the moment)
Girl 1: *Gives up and shrugs* "I don't know how this thing works actually."
Girl 2: *Takes a look at the reader* "It's turned off, you freak!"
Girl1: *Tries to laugh it off* "Oh haha."
Yet another trip on the bus...
Girl 1: *Whips out her ez-link card* "I got this for like don't know how much."
Girl 2: "OMG I can't believe you're an EZ-Linker!"
Girl 1: "What's wrong with that?"
Girl 2: "I just can't believe it." *Shakes her head*
*More chattering ensues*
Girl 1: *Tries to tap her ez-link card at the reader*
(The reader is showing the no-entry sign at the moment)
Girl 1: *Gives up and shrugs* "I don't know how this thing works actually."
Girl 2: *Takes a look at the reader* "It's turned off, you freak!"
Girl1: *Tries to laugh it off* "Oh haha."
Yet another trip on the bus...
Monday, September 19, 2005
Hong Kong Disneyland And The Hordes...
Here's a link, courtesy of EastSouthWestNorth, that has an article about the just-recently opened Hong Kong Disneyland.
Credits go to Apple Daily, Ming Pao and NineMSN as well, for the write-ups by their reporters.
http://www.zonaeuropa.com/20050914_2.htm
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=62379
I quote some of the sentences used in the articles (just in case you don't wish to read it):
"The Ming Pao Daily reported Tuesday that visitors from mainland China disregarded the theme park's rules and smoked cigarettes in restaurants and other nonsmoking areas."
"The newspaper carried another photograph showing a woman from the southern Chinese province of Guangdong helping a young child loosen his trousers to urinate beside a flower bed."
"It was hot yesterday, and so some mainland Chinese male tourists pulled up their shirts to display their flesh. Some people pulled up their long pants to turn them into shorts just to cool down. Others squat by the roadside to chat."
"Our reporter observed a "classical" scene. Right in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle, the reporter saw our stream of water falling by the road. The reporter turned out and saw a bare-bottomed boy urinating into the flower bed under the direction of his mother. Some of the "fertilizer" fell on the ground. Later, that little boy ran around the plaza while exhibiting his "little bird.""
And this line probably sums it all up in one line:
"Although Hong Kong, a former British colony, returned to Chinese rule in 1997, many locals regard themselves as more refined and educated than their mainland Chinese counterparts."
Credits go to Apple Daily, Ming Pao and NineMSN as well, for the write-ups by their reporters.
http://www.zonaeuropa.com/20050914_2.htm
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=62379
I quote some of the sentences used in the articles (just in case you don't wish to read it):
"The Ming Pao Daily reported Tuesday that visitors from mainland China disregarded the theme park's rules and smoked cigarettes in restaurants and other nonsmoking areas."
"The newspaper carried another photograph showing a woman from the southern Chinese province of Guangdong helping a young child loosen his trousers to urinate beside a flower bed."
"It was hot yesterday, and so some mainland Chinese male tourists pulled up their shirts to display their flesh. Some people pulled up their long pants to turn them into shorts just to cool down. Others squat by the roadside to chat."
"Our reporter observed a "classical" scene. Right in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle, the reporter saw our stream of water falling by the road. The reporter turned out and saw a bare-bottomed boy urinating into the flower bed under the direction of his mother. Some of the "fertilizer" fell on the ground. Later, that little boy ran around the plaza while exhibiting his "little bird.""
And this line probably sums it all up in one line:
"Although Hong Kong, a former British colony, returned to Chinese rule in 1997, many locals regard themselves as more refined and educated than their mainland Chinese counterparts."
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Disclaimer...
With the advent of the iron fist, it looks like the law is here to stay.
However, I must claim that all of my entries are written because I have witnessed the events taking place personally. There is no distortion of truth, and neither is there anyway of warping what I have seen.
And for some entries which aren't directly based on my real-life encounters (like How To Survive In The Real World), it's just a good read for you to think over things which you probably won't think much about, even when you're sitting down there waiting for things to come out (with a full toilet dispenser beside you of course!).
As a disclaimer, please inform me if you find any of my entries, in any manner, be it *slightly* or *very*, sedt0us, just let me know. I will remove the offensive entry, no questions asked.
Meanwhile, I hope that whoever is reading this, continues to enjoy the nitpicks that I put up.
However, I must claim that all of my entries are written because I have witnessed the events taking place personally. There is no distortion of truth, and neither is there anyway of warping what I have seen.
And for some entries which aren't directly based on my real-life encounters (like How To Survive In The Real World), it's just a good read for you to think over things which you probably won't think much about, even when you're sitting down there waiting for things to come out (with a full toilet dispenser beside you of course!).
As a disclaimer, please inform me if you find any of my entries, in any manner, be it *slightly* or *very*, sedt0us, just let me know. I will remove the offensive entry, no questions asked.
Meanwhile, I hope that whoever is reading this, continues to enjoy the nitpicks that I put up.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Kids And Kittens...
Another school day, another walk to the bus-stop.
Walking past the lift lobby of a block of flats, I came across a bunch of kids. There were 4 or 5 of them. They had 2 kittens with them, which 2 of the kids held in their hands like a couple of ragdolls (because they weren't able to move in their hands by the way the kids grabbed them).
The kittens were very much alive, and small/young too. The kids wanted to see the kittens climb a concrete pillar (they probably thought it was the same as a tree). So they took the kittens, and tried to get its paws to "stick" to the pillar by pushing the kittens against the pillar.
Just in the manner in which you would do, to get those suction-hooks to stick to your wall at home.
I wouldn't be surprised if the kids grew tired of the kittens' refusal to "stick" to the pillar, and then decided to test the flammability of the kittens' fur.
Walking past the lift lobby of a block of flats, I came across a bunch of kids. There were 4 or 5 of them. They had 2 kittens with them, which 2 of the kids held in their hands like a couple of ragdolls (because they weren't able to move in their hands by the way the kids grabbed them).
The kittens were very much alive, and small/young too. The kids wanted to see the kittens climb a concrete pillar (they probably thought it was the same as a tree). So they took the kittens, and tried to get its paws to "stick" to the pillar by pushing the kittens against the pillar.
Just in the manner in which you would do, to get those suction-hooks to stick to your wall at home.
I wouldn't be surprised if the kids grew tired of the kittens' refusal to "stick" to the pillar, and then decided to test the flammability of the kittens' fur.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Just Another Day In School... #3
A non-local student comes 15 mins late into the lecture class.
Beside me, is a whole row of 7-8 empty chairs.
He moves into the same row as me, and HAS to sit one chair away from me.
Now instead of sitting down quietly minding his own business, he starts flapping my shirt-sleeve.
I ignore him.
He persistently flaps my shirt-sleeve with his hand, and I finally turn to stare at him.
He points at my lecture notes, packed full of writings and highlights of the important points, and beckons for me to lend it to him to copy.
----------------------------------------
Let's analyse this carefully:
- He could have just "sat down and shut up". Nobody else would be burdened by him; only he himself has to answer for his punctuality for lectures. (This is what the normal student would do)
- I could lend him my notes immediately, but I would have no other place to copy any thoughts/words that the lecturer conveys. I could take out a spare piece of paper while the bastard is copying off from mine (assuming I did lend him my notes). But then I would have to spend extra time at home transferring the notes over from the spare paper.
- I could tell the fella to wait until the break at the end of the hour, but his persistency in flapping my god-damned shirt-sleeve sure pissed me off. There is no denying that he knows that the lecture has already started, and that nobody would like to be disturbed by such impertinent requests in the midst of any lecture.
And I am one of those who does not like anybody to disturb me during lectures.
----------------------------------------
Obviously irritated by this lazy bastard, I hold my finger up to my lips, and tell him (in his native language), "Keep quiet! Don't kick up a ruckus!"
He turns back, and gradually shows his true colours. After awhile, he grew tired of listening to the lecture. He shook his legs like a pair of jackrabbit vibrators. He sat and played with the empty seats nearby (these could retract and be brought up/down). He went to sleep (not doze off accidentally, mind you). He didn't make any notes of his own.
The lazy bastard.
Beside me, is a whole row of 7-8 empty chairs.
He moves into the same row as me, and HAS to sit one chair away from me.
Now instead of sitting down quietly minding his own business, he starts flapping my shirt-sleeve.
I ignore him.
He persistently flaps my shirt-sleeve with his hand, and I finally turn to stare at him.
He points at my lecture notes, packed full of writings and highlights of the important points, and beckons for me to lend it to him to copy.
----------------------------------------
Let's analyse this carefully:
- He could have just "sat down and shut up". Nobody else would be burdened by him; only he himself has to answer for his punctuality for lectures. (This is what the normal student would do)
- I could lend him my notes immediately, but I would have no other place to copy any thoughts/words that the lecturer conveys. I could take out a spare piece of paper while the bastard is copying off from mine (assuming I did lend him my notes). But then I would have to spend extra time at home transferring the notes over from the spare paper.
- I could tell the fella to wait until the break at the end of the hour, but his persistency in flapping my god-damned shirt-sleeve sure pissed me off. There is no denying that he knows that the lecture has already started, and that nobody would like to be disturbed by such impertinent requests in the midst of any lecture.
And I am one of those who does not like anybody to disturb me during lectures.
----------------------------------------
Obviously irritated by this lazy bastard, I hold my finger up to my lips, and tell him (in his native language), "Keep quiet! Don't kick up a ruckus!"
He turns back, and gradually shows his true colours. After awhile, he grew tired of listening to the lecture. He shook his legs like a pair of jackrabbit vibrators. He sat and played with the empty seats nearby (these could retract and be brought up/down). He went to sleep (not doze off accidentally, mind you). He didn't make any notes of his own.
The lazy bastard.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
MSN Service Status...
The below page always appears, regardless of whether MSN is experiencing downtime or not.
"It wasn't me."
"It wasn't me."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Hurricane Katrina
When the tsunami occurred, nations worldwide responded immediately within 24 hours, gathering food supplies and raising much-needed monetary funds for Indonesia, India, and Sri Lanka.
The US offered their help, pledging US$35 million. They subsequently increased this promised amount tenfold, to US$350 million.
Even Singapore immediately had food collection centres set up to collect supplies from Singaporeans.
Now, even as Hurricane Katrina has passed by for at least 4 days, nothing seems to have been done by the various nations in the rest of the world.
Even Singapore is only reporting about the disaster; nothing about any local efforts made to raise funds for the US of A.
So what is the difference here?
It's a superpower on the globe that is in trouble here.
The US offered their help, pledging US$35 million. They subsequently increased this promised amount tenfold, to US$350 million.
Even Singapore immediately had food collection centres set up to collect supplies from Singaporeans.
Now, even as Hurricane Katrina has passed by for at least 4 days, nothing seems to have been done by the various nations in the rest of the world.
Even Singapore is only reporting about the disaster; nothing about any local efforts made to raise funds for the US of A.
So what is the difference here?
It's a superpower on the globe that is in trouble here.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Facts of Life Which You Didn't Know, #10
When political leaders and scientists talk about overpopulation becoming a serious problem, it always makes one think twice when such things happen instead:
(All links and any copyrights belong to the various news site. I am not taking credit for any of the information found on these links.)
1. 965 dead in Baghdad stampede
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/08/31/iraq.main/index.html
2. Hajj stampede: 244 pilgrims dead
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/meast/02/01/hajj.stampede/
3. Scores killed in Indian stampede
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4204877.stm
4. Stampede in Ghana Leaves at Least 100 Dead
http://english1.people.com.cn/english/200105/10/eng20010510_69570.html
5. Inquiry into China New Year crush
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3463179.stm
And here is a site that sums it all up nicely:
Stampede Map
http://www.mapreport.com/century/subtopics/d/3.html
Is this a natural disaster? I don't think so. Nothing to do with the weather or any geographical misfortunes.
Are the deaths justified? We're not talking about the Iraq War, or a Gulf War, or conflicts between political parties that involve their nations. Those wars happened for a reason, be it historical, monetary, or greed.
So what's left? Probably "stupidity" is the only reason left...
I don't see overpopulation a problem actually. There will always be people stupid enough to kill themselves for no justified reason.
It only takes *one* stupid person to start it all.
(All links and any copyrights belong to the various news site. I am not taking credit for any of the information found on these links.)
1. 965 dead in Baghdad stampede
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/08/31/iraq.main/index.html
2. Hajj stampede: 244 pilgrims dead
http://www.cnn.com/2004/WORLD/meast/02/01/hajj.stampede/
3. Scores killed in Indian stampede
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/4204877.stm
4. Stampede in Ghana Leaves at Least 100 Dead
http://english1.people.com.cn/english/200105/10/eng20010510_69570.html
5. Inquiry into China New Year crush
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3463179.stm
And here is a site that sums it all up nicely:
Stampede Map
http://www.mapreport.com/century/subtopics/d/3.html
Is this a natural disaster? I don't think so. Nothing to do with the weather or any geographical misfortunes.
Are the deaths justified? We're not talking about the Iraq War, or a Gulf War, or conflicts between political parties that involve their nations. Those wars happened for a reason, be it historical, monetary, or greed.
So what's left? Probably "stupidity" is the only reason left...
I don't see overpopulation a problem actually. There will always be people stupid enough to kill themselves for no justified reason.
It only takes *one* stupid person to start it all.
Facts of Life Which You Didn't Know, #9
Actually, make that 2.
1. An adult mynah (the black bird with the yellow beak), if caught from the wild and held in captivity, will bite its own tongue and commit suicide.
2. There are plenty of birds out there that have either one leg missing, or one normal leg plus one stump (with no claws on it) for the other leg.
1. An adult mynah (the black bird with the yellow beak), if caught from the wild and held in captivity, will bite its own tongue and commit suicide.
2. There are plenty of birds out there that have either one leg missing, or one normal leg plus one stump (with no claws on it) for the other leg.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #9
Check the dispenser for the toilet paper before you drop your pants.
You're gonna be in big trouble if you drop your pants and realise the dispenser has no paper left.
You're gonna be in big trouble if you drop your pants and realise the dispenser has no paper left.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #8
When a living being is dying, be it an animal or a human being, at that split moment when it takes its last breath, it loses control of its bladder.
Crude as it may sound, excretion occurs (both liquid and solid) just before a living being dies.
Crude as it may sound, excretion occurs (both liquid and solid) just before a living being dies.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Top 10 Irritating Things Being A School of Computing (SoC) Student
In order of least to most irritating:
-------------------------
10. The science canteen always seems to have a shortage of seats when you want to have your lunch.
-------------------------
09. You hope to enjoy a nice meal of <insert what you would like to eat> before rushing off to your next lecture/tutorial location. However, upon reaching the canteen, you realise that lunch would be chicken rice.
-------------------------
08. Your lecturer likes to name his PowerPoint Slides as below:
Lecture 01 (Draft).ppt
Lecture 01 (Revised).ppt
Lecture 01 (Complete).ppt
Lecture 01 (Summary).ppt
-------------------------
07. That group of f****rs sitting behind you during lectures is yakking/blabbering away non-stop for the whole of the lecture. Apart from the noise, the voices are high-pitched and ear-piercing.
You never understood the language they were speaking.
-------------------------
06. You have 20 choices to ballot for your non-lecture sessions, as described below:
- 2 lab sessions
- 5 tutorials
- 1 recitation class
= Total of 8 slots to ballot for
That gives you only 3 choices for 4 slots, and 2 choices only for the other 4 (3 x 4 + 2 x 4 = 20).
You are bothered because ranking tutorial A from module A as No. 1 choice doesn't make the other modules any less important. And you know that there is a chance you'd be stranded without any slot (in which case, you'll need to go down to the office for a manual registration). You then finally manage to sort it out and put your so-called "priorities" respectively. When the balloting results come out, you realise that you did not get even your first 3 choices.
When you meet your friend from a non-SoC faculty, he/she tells you that he/she only needs to ballot for 2 tutorial slots with the 20 choices.
-------------------------
05. Your tutorial class has students who are so inquisitive with their out-of-syllabus questions, even if it means asking them before the tutor has finished going through the weekly tutorial. Your class is thus delayed 10 minutes into the next hour.
-------------------------
04. Your tutor plays along and conveniently forgets the time as well.
-------------------------
03. You check up this module and plan your timetable accordingly:
Lectures - Tues & Thurs
Labs - Monday
Tutorials - Friday
All your other modules slot nicely into the other days.
On the day of balloting, you realise that Friday tutorial sessions no longer exist.
-------------------------
02. You assure yourself that good/honesty will prevail, when your friend confides in you that he took his laboratory code from another friend. You keep it to yourself, because you feel that ultimately, he will not learn anything by doing so, and when the examinations come, he will be clueless to answer the questions. He may even risk getting caught by the school.
On the day of release of results, he excitedly tells you he's gotten an A-.
You check your grades: B+.
--------------------------------------------------
And for the MOST irritating thing being an SoC student...
01. This weird guy follows you to the computer labs. Wen you reach into your bag to fish for your matric card to unlock the doors, sweating and panting from the afternoon heat, he stands behind you folding his arms like a cool cucumber.
He's waiting for YOU open the door for him.
-------------------------
10. The science canteen always seems to have a shortage of seats when you want to have your lunch.
-------------------------
09. You hope to enjoy a nice meal of <insert what you would like to eat> before rushing off to your next lecture/tutorial location. However, upon reaching the canteen, you realise that lunch would be chicken rice.
-------------------------
08. Your lecturer likes to name his PowerPoint Slides as below:
Lecture 01 (Draft).ppt
Lecture 01 (Revised).ppt
Lecture 01 (Complete).ppt
Lecture 01 (Summary).ppt
-------------------------
07. That group of f****rs sitting behind you during lectures is yakking/blabbering away non-stop for the whole of the lecture. Apart from the noise, the voices are high-pitched and ear-piercing.
You never understood the language they were speaking.
-------------------------
06. You have 20 choices to ballot for your non-lecture sessions, as described below:
- 2 lab sessions
- 5 tutorials
- 1 recitation class
= Total of 8 slots to ballot for
That gives you only 3 choices for 4 slots, and 2 choices only for the other 4 (3 x 4 + 2 x 4 = 20).
You are bothered because ranking tutorial A from module A as No. 1 choice doesn't make the other modules any less important. And you know that there is a chance you'd be stranded without any slot (in which case, you'll need to go down to the office for a manual registration). You then finally manage to sort it out and put your so-called "priorities" respectively. When the balloting results come out, you realise that you did not get even your first 3 choices.
When you meet your friend from a non-SoC faculty, he/she tells you that he/she only needs to ballot for 2 tutorial slots with the 20 choices.
-------------------------
05. Your tutorial class has students who are so inquisitive with their out-of-syllabus questions, even if it means asking them before the tutor has finished going through the weekly tutorial. Your class is thus delayed 10 minutes into the next hour.
-------------------------
04. Your tutor plays along and conveniently forgets the time as well.
-------------------------
03. You check up this module and plan your timetable accordingly:
Lectures - Tues & Thurs
Labs - Monday
Tutorials - Friday
All your other modules slot nicely into the other days.
On the day of balloting, you realise that Friday tutorial sessions no longer exist.
-------------------------
02. You assure yourself that good/honesty will prevail, when your friend confides in you that he took his laboratory code from another friend. You keep it to yourself, because you feel that ultimately, he will not learn anything by doing so, and when the examinations come, he will be clueless to answer the questions. He may even risk getting caught by the school.
On the day of release of results, he excitedly tells you he's gotten an A-.
You check your grades: B+.
--------------------------------------------------
And for the MOST irritating thing being an SoC student...
01. This weird guy follows you to the computer labs. Wen you reach into your bag to fish for your matric card to unlock the doors, sweating and panting from the afternoon heat, he stands behind you folding his arms like a cool cucumber.
He's waiting for YOU open the door for him.
Just Another Day In School... #2
A university undergraduate made a posting in one of the module's online forums. And a very intelligient one:
When you post it once, it's a question.
When you post it twice, it may be an accident (browser problem, lagging Internet).
When you post it thrice or more...
When you post it once, it's a question.
When you post it twice, it may be an accident (browser problem, lagging Internet).
When you post it thrice or more...
On The Bus... #10 or The Taxi Driver
The bus stops at a junction, pulling alongside a taxi.
Looking into the taxi, it had no passengers save for the driver. He looked to be in his 50's.
He was clutching onto a styrofoam packet (his dinner), and frantically wolfing the food down with the plastic spoon.
He managed to stuff 7 spoons of food into his mouth before the light turned green. He leaves his half-eaten dinner as it is, frantically closing the packet of food and placed it behind his steering wheel on the dashboard.
He then drove off to look for his next fare.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had 3 kids to feed at home, an unemployed wife, and a sick mother to take care of.
Looking into the taxi, it had no passengers save for the driver. He looked to be in his 50's.
He was clutching onto a styrofoam packet (his dinner), and frantically wolfing the food down with the plastic spoon.
He managed to stuff 7 spoons of food into his mouth before the light turned green. He leaves his half-eaten dinner as it is, frantically closing the packet of food and placed it behind his steering wheel on the dashboard.
He then drove off to look for his next fare.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had 3 kids to feed at home, an unemployed wife, and a sick mother to take care of.
Just Another Day In School... #1
It was just another lecture marking the start of the school semester and the lecturer was doing his job at the front of the lecture hall.
A non-local student sitting in front of me cannot find the page in his notes to match what he sees on the projector screen. He flips frantically, back and forth, and glances all around him in hope of getting a clue of which page he should be at (he was not late for the lecture, if that's what you're thinking).
He glances back at me. I ignore him and look up and away from him. His two friends to the left and right of him were quiet. The 3 of them were huddled around this single set of notes.
He flips back and forth again, and finally, he turns around and pops the question, "Do you know which page he's (lecturer) at now?"
I gave him a straight face and told him, "I don't know. I'm copying down everything on the screen."
He gives up, and turns back around.
A non-local student sitting in front of me cannot find the page in his notes to match what he sees on the projector screen. He flips frantically, back and forth, and glances all around him in hope of getting a clue of which page he should be at (he was not late for the lecture, if that's what you're thinking).
He glances back at me. I ignore him and look up and away from him. His two friends to the left and right of him were quiet. The 3 of them were huddled around this single set of notes.
He flips back and forth again, and finally, he turns around and pops the question, "Do you know which page he's (lecturer) at now?"
I gave him a straight face and told him, "I don't know. I'm copying down everything on the screen."
He gives up, and turns back around.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
What In The World Were You Thinking!?
A person posed a very stupid question in the forums of a module. The module has no final exams.
I quote the query posted:
hi,
i read in the module faq that the term paper is supposed to be 5000 words long... is this correct? it seems pretty long... anyone got any idea if it is 5000?
thanks :)
My reply to this idiot would be:
Eh HELLO!!! WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!! WHAT YOU THINKING? Don't want a long term paper? So how you want to be graded? Or did you just want an easy life?
As the hokkien saying goes, "Want cheap, want young (girls), want one with two big boobs."
This student's either stupid, a complete moron, or just wants the easy way out of everything.
PS: This student was enrolled in 2002. So that makes the student a 4th year student in the university (year 2005 now).
I quote the query posted:
hi,
i read in the module faq that the term paper is supposed to be 5000 words long... is this correct? it seems pretty long... anyone got any idea if it is 5000?
thanks :)
My reply to this idiot would be:
Eh HELLO!!! WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!! WHAT YOU THINKING? Don't want a long term paper? So how you want to be graded? Or did you just want an easy life?
As the hokkien saying goes, "Want cheap, want young (girls), want one with two big boobs."
This student's either stupid, a complete moron, or just wants the easy way out of everything.
PS: This student was enrolled in 2002. So that makes the student a 4th year student in the university (year 2005 now).
Friday, August 05, 2005
On The Bus... #9 or A Well-Thought Plan
Two men boarded the bus. One was wearing designer clothes, with a thick-rimmed stylish spectacles to complement his classy look.
The other had on a sleeveless t-shirt, showing off his well-toned and muscular tanned arms. He was carry a very large piece of luggage, possibly large enough to hold two dozen golden taps, or at least 600,000 peanuts.
I was seated at the last row of the double-deckered Super Bus, and the stylish chap came to the back and stood beside me, beckoning his friend over.
Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag came over, and dumped his load on the ground, right in front of where I was seated.
"Shit! Either I have to walk over his body-bag, or I'll have to pray that they get off before me," I thought.
By this time, the two of them had their rears positioned left and right of me, with me and the body-bag in between them. The overpowering cologne smell wafted through the air-conditioned bus, settling down with a radius that reached the rear exit of the bus. (Trust me on this one.)
Heads turned to look at them as they boarded the bus and got seated.
So then they started their conversation about the sun and the sky, about the wind and the rain. Loud laughter punctuated the end of every sentence, together with audible "Oh my God, really?!!!" accentuated their presence, with grins showing off their pearly-white rows of teeth. Following which, the unmistakable broken-wrist-with-only-the-index-finger-sticking-out gestures proved their identities.
Not to mention that I even noticed Designer-Guy throwing glances at me (It is very unlikely that another stranger's eyes meet yours more than thrice on a same bus trip. Much less likely when it's the eyes of somebody of the same gender as you).
I was lucky they disembarked before me. I had feared the worst, preparing myself for my wrists to be grabbed by Designer-Guy when I was going to hold onto the railing to cross over the trap laid by Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag.
A well-thought plan indeed.
The other had on a sleeveless t-shirt, showing off his well-toned and muscular tanned arms. He was carry a very large piece of luggage, possibly large enough to hold two dozen golden taps, or at least 600,000 peanuts.
I was seated at the last row of the double-deckered Super Bus, and the stylish chap came to the back and stood beside me, beckoning his friend over.
Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag came over, and dumped his load on the ground, right in front of where I was seated.
"Shit! Either I have to walk over his body-bag, or I'll have to pray that they get off before me," I thought.
By this time, the two of them had their rears positioned left and right of me, with me and the body-bag in between them. The overpowering cologne smell wafted through the air-conditioned bus, settling down with a radius that reached the rear exit of the bus. (Trust me on this one.)
Heads turned to look at them as they boarded the bus and got seated.
So then they started their conversation about the sun and the sky, about the wind and the rain. Loud laughter punctuated the end of every sentence, together with audible "Oh my God, really?!!!" accentuated their presence, with grins showing off their pearly-white rows of teeth. Following which, the unmistakable broken-wrist-with-only-the-index-finger-sticking-out gestures proved their identities.
Not to mention that I even noticed Designer-Guy throwing glances at me (It is very unlikely that another stranger's eyes meet yours more than thrice on a same bus trip. Much less likely when it's the eyes of somebody of the same gender as you).
I was lucky they disembarked before me. I had feared the worst, preparing myself for my wrists to be grabbed by Designer-Guy when I was going to hold onto the railing to cross over the trap laid by Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag.
A well-thought plan indeed.
Better Late Than Never?
Sometimes when you suddenly require a book from the public libraries, you go all out, riled up and excited, and key in your book title into the online catalogue, either from home or from the library itself.
*Click* "1 RESULT RETURNED..."
Eagerly, you click that and true enough, the library holds a copy of the book that you want! *Grin*
"Oh shucks! It's On Loan!" *Disappointed frown*
You think to yourself, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just head over to the library on the day that the book is due and get it right after the person returns it. Or I might just be lucky when the bloke returns it earlier."
So you click on "More Details..." and you see that the "Due Date" parameter says the book is already one, two weeks, or even a month overdue.
What's wrong with these people.
*Click* "1 RESULT RETURNED..."
Eagerly, you click that and true enough, the library holds a copy of the book that you want! *Grin*
"Oh shucks! It's On Loan!" *Disappointed frown*
You think to yourself, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just head over to the library on the day that the book is due and get it right after the person returns it. Or I might just be lucky when the bloke returns it earlier."
So you click on "More Details..." and you see that the "Due Date" parameter says the book is already one, two weeks, or even a month overdue.
What's wrong with these people.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #7
Bus drivers generally aren't impressed nor happy when they see you chasing after their bus. Most drivers act blind/blur, and drive away when they see you from the corner of their eyes, running and flagging at them like some madman/madwoman.
This unhappiness is made even all the more worse when you manage to catch the bus with the other boarding passengers, after having the below odds against you:
- The bus-stop is 200 metres away from the traffic junction you are at.
- The bus is right beside you, stopped by the red light. You are stopped by the red man as well.
- There is another junction 100m away that turns red/green at the same time as this junction that you are standing at.
- You are only able to cross on the green man signal, and the bus has the green light to move off as well.
When you do catch up with the bus and board it, you will have already incurred the wrath of the bus driver. Angry glares at you will last throughout the whole of your bus ride.
Be forewarned.
This unhappiness is made even all the more worse when you manage to catch the bus with the other boarding passengers, after having the below odds against you:
- The bus-stop is 200 metres away from the traffic junction you are at.
- The bus is right beside you, stopped by the red light. You are stopped by the red man as well.
- There is another junction 100m away that turns red/green at the same time as this junction that you are standing at.
- You are only able to cross on the green man signal, and the bus has the green light to move off as well.
When you do catch up with the bus and board it, you will have already incurred the wrath of the bus driver. Angry glares at you will last throughout the whole of your bus ride.
Be forewarned.
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #6
We make mistakes, we learn from it. We swear never to do it again the next time we face a similar situation. And we stick to that promise and improve our lives as we grow older.
Now there is at least one person (whom I know) who doesn't stick to that rule. He never learns. He makes mistakes just like the rest of us, but he never learns from it.
And it's not like he's a retard. He's just as smart as you or me.
He just refuses to learn from his mistakes, nor listen to the advice of others. So in the end, he repeats his mistakes over and over and over again, countless times, multiple times, endless number of times.
Offer him casual advice when making small talk, towards the best of his interests, he rejects it outright.
Offer him serious advice when he's faced with a problem/dilemma (which anybody in the sane mind would take up because it's the only rationale choice left), he refuses to take it.
Give him personal tips on dealing with things/people/situations, he ignores it.
And he still runs up to that wall and knock himself over.
He's paid for his mistakes with just about anything in his life: his money, his time, his grades (in school), his efforts, his energy. But he still repeats it. The mistakes are everytime of similar nature.
If you're feeling down-in-the-dumps for committing a wrong, feel glad at yourself. Because you learn, and you understand what you should do the next time round.
Now there is at least one person (whom I know) who doesn't stick to that rule. He never learns. He makes mistakes just like the rest of us, but he never learns from it.
And it's not like he's a retard. He's just as smart as you or me.
He just refuses to learn from his mistakes, nor listen to the advice of others. So in the end, he repeats his mistakes over and over and over again, countless times, multiple times, endless number of times.
Offer him casual advice when making small talk, towards the best of his interests, he rejects it outright.
Offer him serious advice when he's faced with a problem/dilemma (which anybody in the sane mind would take up because it's the only rationale choice left), he refuses to take it.
Give him personal tips on dealing with things/people/situations, he ignores it.
And he still runs up to that wall and knock himself over.
He's paid for his mistakes with just about anything in his life: his money, his time, his grades (in school), his efforts, his energy. But he still repeats it. The mistakes are everytime of similar nature.
If you're feeling down-in-the-dumps for committing a wrong, feel glad at yourself. Because you learn, and you understand what you should do the next time round.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Can Means Can, Cannot Means Cannot, Don't Talk So Much Cock...
If you've watched the 7pm fishball drama yesterday (Monday, 25th July 2005), you would know what I am talking about.
There was this rape scene in the show, and this guy was forcing himself onto the girl in the show. Guy pushes girl onto sofa, pins her hands down. Girl starts screaming like a real rape scene.
And then it goes downhill from then on.
Guy sticks his head into the girl's right shoulder, supposedly to kiss her neck, but we all know that he's only sticking his head in there. Then he sticks it to the left.
And to the right. Then to the left. He doesn't tear off the girl's dress, he doesn't reach to unzip his fly.
Left & right, left & right. Over and over again. Left and then right.
And that WAS a rape scene, mind you.
Maybe the girl's dress was too expensive to tear up for that scene. Maybe the guy hasn't worked up an erection yet (in which case he should be tearing up the dress to work one up). Maybe he forgot to pop that Viagra first before he tried getting at it... but I think we all know the truth.
There was this rape scene in the show, and this guy was forcing himself onto the girl in the show. Guy pushes girl onto sofa, pins her hands down. Girl starts screaming like a real rape scene.
And then it goes downhill from then on.
Guy sticks his head into the girl's right shoulder, supposedly to kiss her neck, but we all know that he's only sticking his head in there. Then he sticks it to the left.
And to the right. Then to the left. He doesn't tear off the girl's dress, he doesn't reach to unzip his fly.
Left & right, left & right. Over and over again. Left and then right.
And that WAS a rape scene, mind you.
Maybe the girl's dress was too expensive to tear up for that scene. Maybe the guy hasn't worked up an erection yet (in which case he should be tearing up the dress to work one up). Maybe he forgot to pop that Viagra first before he tried getting at it... but I think we all know the truth.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
On The Bus... #8 or The Pissing Dog
There was a boy, probably in his late teens, wanting to get off the bus. When the bus reached the bus-stop, there he stood, by the door, waiting to tap his card.
You and me, we just reach into our pockets fish our cards out, and tap our cards.
Him, he had his card in his trouser pocket, and he raised his leg to tap his card at the machine.
Talk about a Uniquely Singaporean experience.
No prizes for guessing how the boy looked like.
You and me, we just reach into our pockets fish our cards out, and tap our cards.
Him, he had his card in his trouser pocket, and he raised his leg to tap his card at the machine.
Talk about a Uniquely Singaporean experience.
No prizes for guessing how the boy looked like.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
In A State Of Self-Denial
"We are not veteran swimmers."
"We are dolphins!"
"We are not children."
"We are champions!"
Sounds familiar? The Milo commercial on TV showing the 3 chewren swimming in the pool?
They seriously need a good psychiatrist; to be in such a bad stage of self-denial.
"We are dolphins!"
"We are not children."
"We are champions!"
Sounds familiar? The Milo commercial on TV showing the 3 chewren swimming in the pool?
They seriously need a good psychiatrist; to be in such a bad stage of self-denial.
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #5
There is at least 1 man on the street who wears a red T-Shirt with a yellow star in the middle.
NDP and Fireworks
Personally, the sight of seeing girls and parents with their kids going gaga-goo-goo when they see fireworks at the annual parade is simply something which I cannot fathom at all.
Obviously, the fireworks cost a few hundred thousand dollars upwards.
Everytime I see a firework going off, my heart feels the pain.
"OMG it's SOooooOO PreEETTtYYY!!!!!"
Yeah yeah, there's your money up in the sky from the tax you pay.
Obviously, the fireworks cost a few hundred thousand dollars upwards.
Everytime I see a firework going off, my heart feels the pain.
"OMG it's SOooooOO PreEETTtYYY!!!!!"
Yeah yeah, there's your money up in the sky from the tax you pay.
On The Bus... # 7 or The Smiling Man
As the bus pulled into the bus stop, the alighting passengers started getting off the bus.
Among the alighting passengers was an old Indian man with a walking stick. He shuffled slowly to the front door, ailed by his old bones. As the whole bus waited for him, he got down the steps one at a time.
I have seen scores of elderly people who take it that they own the whole damned bus, even when some of them can just walk as fast as you or me after they get off the bus. And some of them go by the front door on purpose, jostling with the boarding passengers.
This man, he stepped onto the kerb, and turned around to wave his thanks to the bus driver. He flashed a toothless smile as well.
Among the alighting passengers was an old Indian man with a walking stick. He shuffled slowly to the front door, ailed by his old bones. As the whole bus waited for him, he got down the steps one at a time.
I have seen scores of elderly people who take it that they own the whole damned bus, even when some of them can just walk as fast as you or me after they get off the bus. And some of them go by the front door on purpose, jostling with the boarding passengers.
This man, he stepped onto the kerb, and turned around to wave his thanks to the bus driver. He flashed a toothless smile as well.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Categories of... EZ-Link Card Users
I have noticed that it is possible to categorise people according to their behaviour when using their EZ-Link cards on buses.
Type 1: The Normal Being
This is the normal Singaporean human being who uses the EZ-Link card as a normal human being would. This type of person would tap their cards, when getting off the bus. Sometimes they glance at the LCD displays when getting off, just to check how much value they have left.
Attitude: 7/10 (Pretty good I guess, since they do not obstruct other alighting passengers)
Cock-ups: 3/10 (You have to admit that there is a 30% chance that they behave like one of the other types below which I am going to mention)
Humour: 2/10 (Nothing to laugh about them, except when the 30% chance described above kicks in)
Type 2: The Blur One
This is the type of person who doesn't know that the no-entry sign on the LCD panel means that you cannot tap your card yet. This person will persistently tap his/her card on the machine while it is still displaying the no-entry sign, until somebody tells him/her that they cannot tap their cards yet, or they just give up due to exasperation.
Attitude: 4/10 (These people have probably been living in a bomb shelter since WWII)
Cock-ups: 7/10 (Quite a screw-up, to be ignorant of the no-entry sign and what it means. Luckily they do not bother alighting passengers when they alight)
Humour: 8/10 (A fun sight to laugh at, when you see them tapping their cards non-stop at the card reader)
Type 3: The Fly-Swatter
This type of person will stare intently at the card reader when alighting, holding their EZ-Link cards inches away from the card reader, waiting for it to unlock itself from the no-entry sign.
Once the card reader turns to EXIT status, they immediately smack their cards onto the card reader as if there was a fly on the card reader itself.
Attitude: 3/10 (You gotta admit that this group of people have an attitude problem to do that swatting.)
Cock-ups: 2/10 (Not much of a cock-up, they tap fast, and they get off fast. And they only smack when the card reader unlocks itself. No irritating "DI DI DI DI DI" sounds.)
Humour: 5/10 (Pretty much of a weird sight to see people behaving like this. Not so funny though)
Type 4: The Cool Cucumber
This type of person will never look at the LCD when they board/alight. They just tap, and go. Either they can't be bothered with the remaining value in their cards, or they are on concession passes.
Attitude: 9/10 (These cucumbers never cause any obstruction to alighting passengers, they get off quickly.)
Cock-ups: 6/10 (However, this group of people are prone to the "DI x 05" irritating beeping from the card reader, since they do not look when they tap.)
Humour: 1/10 (Nothing to laugh about them; they're cool)
Type 5: The Handbag Lady or The Muscle-Cramped Man
I think not much needs to be explained about the Handbag Lady; they just hide their cards inside their handbags, and lifts up the whole handbag to the card reader.
As for the MCM, they place their cards inside their chest pockets, and they bend down towards the card readers to tap their cards, refusing to take out their cards. Makes them look like their shoulders are having a cramp or something, or that they are sufferers of some kind of muscle disorder.
Attitude: 1/10 (They're lazy. What else can I say?)
Cock-ups: 9/10 (Most of the time they make the card readers beep non-stop, because their cards are in their handbags/pockets together with their metallic pens, keys, whatever.
Humour: 1/10 (Not funny at all when the whole bus-load of passengers is waiting for them.)
Type 6: The Blind One
These people should probably be carrying a walking stick or a walking aid, since they're probably blind or something. When boarding/alighting, they tend to stare at the FARE $0.38 ($0.25) (or just any other amount of fare), until the LCD changes back to ENTRY or EXIT. It is only when the card readers changes back to display the ENTRY or EXIT message do they then get off the bus.
Attitude: 1/10 (They probably don't know that they have a poor attitude, since they're blind.)
Cock-ups: 10/10 (Very. The bus is always delayed by this group of passengers.)
Humour: 1/10 (Not funny at all.)
PS: If I do leave out a certain type of people, please do leave a comment. Thanks.
Type 1: The Normal Being
This is the normal Singaporean human being who uses the EZ-Link card as a normal human being would. This type of person would tap their cards, when getting off the bus. Sometimes they glance at the LCD displays when getting off, just to check how much value they have left.
Attitude: 7/10 (Pretty good I guess, since they do not obstruct other alighting passengers)
Cock-ups: 3/10 (You have to admit that there is a 30% chance that they behave like one of the other types below which I am going to mention)
Humour: 2/10 (Nothing to laugh about them, except when the 30% chance described above kicks in)
Type 2: The Blur One
This is the type of person who doesn't know that the no-entry sign on the LCD panel means that you cannot tap your card yet. This person will persistently tap his/her card on the machine while it is still displaying the no-entry sign, until somebody tells him/her that they cannot tap their cards yet, or they just give up due to exasperation.
Attitude: 4/10 (These people have probably been living in a bomb shelter since WWII)
Cock-ups: 7/10 (Quite a screw-up, to be ignorant of the no-entry sign and what it means. Luckily they do not bother alighting passengers when they alight)
Humour: 8/10 (A fun sight to laugh at, when you see them tapping their cards non-stop at the card reader)
Type 3: The Fly-Swatter
This type of person will stare intently at the card reader when alighting, holding their EZ-Link cards inches away from the card reader, waiting for it to unlock itself from the no-entry sign.
Once the card reader turns to EXIT status, they immediately smack their cards onto the card reader as if there was a fly on the card reader itself.
Attitude: 3/10 (You gotta admit that this group of people have an attitude problem to do that swatting.)
Cock-ups: 2/10 (Not much of a cock-up, they tap fast, and they get off fast. And they only smack when the card reader unlocks itself. No irritating "DI DI DI DI DI" sounds.)
Humour: 5/10 (Pretty much of a weird sight to see people behaving like this. Not so funny though)
Type 4: The Cool Cucumber
This type of person will never look at the LCD when they board/alight. They just tap, and go. Either they can't be bothered with the remaining value in their cards, or they are on concession passes.
Attitude: 9/10 (These cucumbers never cause any obstruction to alighting passengers, they get off quickly.)
Cock-ups: 6/10 (However, this group of people are prone to the "DI x 05" irritating beeping from the card reader, since they do not look when they tap.)
Humour: 1/10 (Nothing to laugh about them; they're cool)
Type 5: The Handbag Lady or The Muscle-Cramped Man
I think not much needs to be explained about the Handbag Lady; they just hide their cards inside their handbags, and lifts up the whole handbag to the card reader.
As for the MCM, they place their cards inside their chest pockets, and they bend down towards the card readers to tap their cards, refusing to take out their cards. Makes them look like their shoulders are having a cramp or something, or that they are sufferers of some kind of muscle disorder.
Attitude: 1/10 (They're lazy. What else can I say?)
Cock-ups: 9/10 (Most of the time they make the card readers beep non-stop, because their cards are in their handbags/pockets together with their metallic pens, keys, whatever.
Humour: 1/10 (Not funny at all when the whole bus-load of passengers is waiting for them.)
Type 6: The Blind One
These people should probably be carrying a walking stick or a walking aid, since they're probably blind or something. When boarding/alighting, they tend to stare at the FARE $0.38 ($0.25) (or just any other amount of fare), until the LCD changes back to ENTRY or EXIT. It is only when the card readers changes back to display the ENTRY or EXIT message do they then get off the bus.
Attitude: 1/10 (They probably don't know that they have a poor attitude, since they're blind.)
Cock-ups: 10/10 (Very. The bus is always delayed by this group of passengers.)
Humour: 1/10 (Not funny at all.)
PS: If I do leave out a certain type of people, please do leave a comment. Thanks.
On The Bus... #6 or The Bastard Man
The scenario was just another bus trip back home. A man walks to the door and presses the bell for the stop which I am getting off as well.
Bus pulls into bus stop, and lets us off the bus. Man gets off first, but refuses to step up to the pavement, because he wants to cross the road.
It just so happened that another bus pulled up behind the bus which we (me and the man) just got off. It was a bus which I wanted to transfer to.
Man stands in the bus-stop bay, and I'm standing on the pavement. It looked like the man wanted to board the bus, from the way he walked to the back of the bus we just dropped off, towards the other bus that just pulled in.
The bus behind pulls in only metres away from the man standing down there in the bus-stop bay. The man is motionless, waiting for the bus to stop before he attempts to squeeze past the buses to cross the road.
Bus driver thinks he wants to board the bus, but realises after a few seconds that he's been fooled when he sees the man motionless.
I walk up to the entrance of the bus, and the driver looks at me, but refuses to open the door, thinking that I am another joker. I raise my hand and wave at him, and he opens the door reluctantly.
Remind me to shoot the man next time I see him again.
Bus pulls into bus stop, and lets us off the bus. Man gets off first, but refuses to step up to the pavement, because he wants to cross the road.
It just so happened that another bus pulled up behind the bus which we (me and the man) just got off. It was a bus which I wanted to transfer to.
Man stands in the bus-stop bay, and I'm standing on the pavement. It looked like the man wanted to board the bus, from the way he walked to the back of the bus we just dropped off, towards the other bus that just pulled in.
The bus behind pulls in only metres away from the man standing down there in the bus-stop bay. The man is motionless, waiting for the bus to stop before he attempts to squeeze past the buses to cross the road.
Bus driver thinks he wants to board the bus, but realises after a few seconds that he's been fooled when he sees the man motionless.
I walk up to the entrance of the bus, and the driver looks at me, but refuses to open the door, thinking that I am another joker. I raise my hand and wave at him, and he opens the door reluctantly.
Remind me to shoot the man next time I see him again.
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #4
There is at least one parent who insists that her mentally-handicapped child wears the ARMY vest on a regular basis when they hit the streets.
On The Bus... #5 or The Unlucky Man
It was a short bus trip. A man stood up to move towards the exit, just as the bus swerved round a corner.
The man lost his balance, and fell head forward towards the poles. He gripped the pole at the last minute, and recovered his balance, with a loud exclamation, "FUCK!!!".
I was getting off at the same stop, and so I moved towards the door as well. But I inadvertently stubbed his toes with my shoe. I shuffled away, but didn't mutter an apology.
As the bus pulled in and halted, I let the man get off the bus first. As he took that first step down the stairs, the momentum with which the bus stopped threw him off balance one more time, and he awkwardly stomped down the stairs.
As he walked away from the bus, he punched a lamp post as he passed by one.
The bus pulled out of the stop, and the man kept staring at the bus as it roared away.
The man lost his balance, and fell head forward towards the poles. He gripped the pole at the last minute, and recovered his balance, with a loud exclamation, "FUCK!!!".
I was getting off at the same stop, and so I moved towards the door as well. But I inadvertently stubbed his toes with my shoe. I shuffled away, but didn't mutter an apology.
As the bus pulled in and halted, I let the man get off the bus first. As he took that first step down the stairs, the momentum with which the bus stopped threw him off balance one more time, and he awkwardly stomped down the stairs.
As he walked away from the bus, he punched a lamp post as he passed by one.
The bus pulled out of the stop, and the man kept staring at the bus as it roared away.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
The Death Of The Bamboo Poles...
Just on Friday, July 8, one reader wrote in to Today, citing his (or was it a her?) comments about the hazards of people who fall to their deaths while using bamboo poles to dry their clothes. And I quote:
"Then there is always the danger of the pole holders becoming loose, or the poles are not being secured, resulting in a high chance of them coming loose in strong winds, falling and hitting someone. Town Councils have restricted people from hanging objects such as potted plants outside windows. Wouldn't the use of bamboo poles fall under this category of accidents waiting to happen?"
And this smarty pants suggested the following:
Restrict the length of the poles if they are to be used outside the windows to 1m, for example. This will reduce the total weight of the pole and the clothes.
Eh hello? You stupid or what? 1m? How much clothes can you hang on a pole that is of only an arm's length? The bamboo poles in my home are already 4-5m long, and I've got 6 of them. So how many 1m bamboo poles you want me to buy? And where you want me to hang them, since the kitchen window only has 3 slots (can be overloaded to 5 poles at a time).
Conclusion: You are either a bamboo pole seller, or you are a stupid lazy-bum who doesn't wash your own laundry, or you are a spinster or single living alone who has only 3 pieces of clothings to wash every week.
Educate the public on the importance of checking the pole holders periodically to
ensure they are not loose. Officials should also do random checks to ensure compliance.
Oh great! You stupid fool! Singapore does not need another ARE-YOUR-BAMBOO-POLE-HOLDERS-SAFE? campaign. And thank you very much, you just gave the gahmen a great idea to get more money out of us, by having these random checks, and then implementing a possible "fine" to home owners with non-compliant pole holders. All in the education of the public, of course.
Conclusion: You probably aren't Singaporean, or you have been pretty supportive of all the campaigns that have been going on for the past few year (no campaign lethargic-ness). Or you probably think through the other end of your body by wanting the gahmen to interfere in this.
If all else fails, restrict the use of the poles to indoors.
A round of applause for this person please? Thank you! Let's get some facts straight first:
1. Indoor bamboo pole holders (those on the ceiling type) are normally located where? In the kitchen of course, where else? You don't see them in your bedroom, or the living room. So what happens when you are cooking in the kitchen, and your clothes are still wet and drying? Use your brain please.
2. If you are talking about those metal stands for propping up the bamboo poles, that's worse. Who in the right mind would want to devote 3-4 square metres of their already-cramped-pigeon-holes to their laundry? Use your brain please.
Conclusion: You either do not cook or use your kitchen ever, or you probably have never known what it means to "do your laundry".
It sometimes is really amusing to see this type of comments being published in the local papers. It probably will get the tourists or expats to ROFLMAO when they see this type of think-through-your-ass comments being made by the locals.
PS: I am 80% sure that this reader who wrote in is a woman. Because men simply won't be bothered about bamboo poles, nor people dying because of them. Next time, use your brain, bitch.
"Then there is always the danger of the pole holders becoming loose, or the poles are not being secured, resulting in a high chance of them coming loose in strong winds, falling and hitting someone. Town Councils have restricted people from hanging objects such as potted plants outside windows. Wouldn't the use of bamboo poles fall under this category of accidents waiting to happen?"
And this smarty pants suggested the following:
Restrict the length of the poles if they are to be used outside the windows to 1m, for example. This will reduce the total weight of the pole and the clothes.
Eh hello? You stupid or what? 1m? How much clothes can you hang on a pole that is of only an arm's length? The bamboo poles in my home are already 4-5m long, and I've got 6 of them. So how many 1m bamboo poles you want me to buy? And where you want me to hang them, since the kitchen window only has 3 slots (can be overloaded to 5 poles at a time).
Conclusion: You are either a bamboo pole seller, or you are a stupid lazy-bum who doesn't wash your own laundry, or you are a spinster or single living alone who has only 3 pieces of clothings to wash every week.
Educate the public on the importance of checking the pole holders periodically to
ensure they are not loose. Officials should also do random checks to ensure compliance.
Oh great! You stupid fool! Singapore does not need another ARE-YOUR-BAMBOO-POLE-HOLDERS-SAFE? campaign. And thank you very much, you just gave the gahmen a great idea to get more money out of us, by having these random checks, and then implementing a possible "fine" to home owners with non-compliant pole holders. All in the education of the public, of course.
Conclusion: You probably aren't Singaporean, or you have been pretty supportive of all the campaigns that have been going on for the past few year (no campaign lethargic-ness). Or you probably think through the other end of your body by wanting the gahmen to interfere in this.
If all else fails, restrict the use of the poles to indoors.
A round of applause for this person please? Thank you! Let's get some facts straight first:
1. Indoor bamboo pole holders (those on the ceiling type) are normally located where? In the kitchen of course, where else? You don't see them in your bedroom, or the living room. So what happens when you are cooking in the kitchen, and your clothes are still wet and drying? Use your brain please.
2. If you are talking about those metal stands for propping up the bamboo poles, that's worse. Who in the right mind would want to devote 3-4 square metres of their already-cramped-pigeon-holes to their laundry? Use your brain please.
Conclusion: You either do not cook or use your kitchen ever, or you probably have never known what it means to "do your laundry".
It sometimes is really amusing to see this type of comments being published in the local papers. It probably will get the tourists or expats to ROFLMAO when they see this type of think-through-your-ass comments being made by the locals.
PS: I am 80% sure that this reader who wrote in is a woman. Because men simply won't be bothered about bamboo poles, nor people dying because of them. Next time, use your brain, bitch.
Monday, July 04, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #3
- A woman who is pretty.
- Somebody who likes exercising and sweating it out.
- Your neighbourhood stadium.
The above 3 things never go together.
- Somebody who likes exercising and sweating it out.
- Your neighbourhood stadium.
The above 3 things never go together.
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #2
There is at least one parent in this world who makes her mentally-handicapped child wear the ARMY vest when they hit the streets.
Monday, June 27, 2005
Stealthy, am I not?
1. I once walked up behind my sister to her room, put my head beside hers while she was typing away at MSN. I watched her type for a minute or so, then I asked her something. She jumped.
2. I was walking behind a man downstairs of my block, and I had followed on his heels for about 10 metres or so. Upon reaching a short flight of stairs leading to the lift lobby, I impatiently stomped up the stairs. He quickly spun around and stepped aside, murmuring an apology.
3. I saw a cat lazing by the side of the pavement, eyes wide open. It was only when I reached an arms' length within it, did it quickly turn and realise I was so close. It bolted away.
However, the fat cat that lives 3 units away from me, same storey, can hear me 10 metres away. Normally when I see it, it is already looking at me.
2. I was walking behind a man downstairs of my block, and I had followed on his heels for about 10 metres or so. Upon reaching a short flight of stairs leading to the lift lobby, I impatiently stomped up the stairs. He quickly spun around and stepped aside, murmuring an apology.
3. I saw a cat lazing by the side of the pavement, eyes wide open. It was only when I reached an arms' length within it, did it quickly turn and realise I was so close. It bolted away.
However, the fat cat that lives 3 units away from me, same storey, can hear me 10 metres away. Normally when I see it, it is already looking at me.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
The Gossip-mongers
I was waiting for a lift up at my block of flats. There was a man, with two women already waiting at the lift. The two women looked seemingly similar in looks (it's very difficult to determined whether they were twins due to both of them looking like they were in their late 30s/early 40s).
Lift comes, the four of us enter the lift. I was the last to enter the lift (hence I was standing at the door). I pressed my floor, they pressed for the 9th storey.
From the way they conversed, it was obvious they were working colleagues. They talked in standard English, about their life and recent happenings, which I've already forgotten.
Lift arrives at 9th storey, door opens. I stand to one side.
Pause.
Nobody gets out.
I press the button for the doors to close.
Reaching my destination, I got out of the lift, leaving the weird people behind in the lift.
What's wrong with them.
PS: If there were no more buttons pressed, the lift would supposedly stay on the current floor, until somebody else from the outside, presses the lift button.
Lift comes, the four of us enter the lift. I was the last to enter the lift (hence I was standing at the door). I pressed my floor, they pressed for the 9th storey.
From the way they conversed, it was obvious they were working colleagues. They talked in standard English, about their life and recent happenings, which I've already forgotten.
Lift arrives at 9th storey, door opens. I stand to one side.
Pause.
Nobody gets out.
I press the button for the doors to close.
Reaching my destination, I got out of the lift, leaving the weird people behind in the lift.
What's wrong with them.
PS: If there were no more buttons pressed, the lift would supposedly stay on the current floor, until somebody else from the outside, presses the lift button.
On The Bus... #4
Why is it that when you board a crowded bus, and see a free seat (2 together, not just 1 free seat), it's only one of the below scenarios:
1. The seat is still warm, from the person who just alighted at the same stop or the stop before you.
2. The air-con is leaking, or the roof of the bus is leaking during a rainy day. The seat is wet.
3. There is/are <insert any disgusting object> on the floor of the seat. Or, the seat is stained with some unknown sticky, disgusting, foul substance.
I wonder when will the day come when the below reason is the only one that causes a free seat (again, 2 seats together, not just 1 free seat) to appear:
1. The passengers on the bus are loading in from the back of the bus leaving the free seats consolidated, and free, of course.
1. The seat is still warm, from the person who just alighted at the same stop or the stop before you.
2. The air-con is leaking, or the roof of the bus is leaking during a rainy day. The seat is wet.
3. There is/are <insert any disgusting object> on the floor of the seat. Or, the seat is stained with some unknown sticky, disgusting, foul substance.
I wonder when will the day come when the below reason is the only one that causes a free seat (again, 2 seats together, not just 1 free seat) to appear:
1. The passengers on the bus are loading in from the back of the bus leaving the free seats consolidated, and free, of course.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #1
Most blind people do not like you to put an arm around their shoulder, or take hold of their hands to guide them to where they wish to go.
They will simply pull away from you, relying on their walking stick or cane instead.
Even if you ask nicely where they wish to go, they will most likely tell you "I'm fine, I can go there myself".
It is not because of the post before this ("The Blind Man At The Bus Stop") that I have come to this conclusion. I myself have *attempted* to help quite a few "visually handicapped" people. I wouldn't say it's a lot, but I probably still need two hands to count them. I call that "quite a few" because I know most people for one just take a detour when they spot one of these needy people in their path.
Maybe this is a natural defensive stance that they have learnt to take up. Maybe they do not like people to help them, and show themselves as really "needy". Maybe they just are just trying to be strong.
They will simply pull away from you, relying on their walking stick or cane instead.
Even if you ask nicely where they wish to go, they will most likely tell you "I'm fine, I can go there myself".
It is not because of the post before this ("The Blind Man At The Bus Stop") that I have come to this conclusion. I myself have *attempted* to help quite a few "visually handicapped" people. I wouldn't say it's a lot, but I probably still need two hands to count them. I call that "quite a few" because I know most people for one just take a detour when they spot one of these needy people in their path.
Maybe this is a natural defensive stance that they have learnt to take up. Maybe they do not like people to help them, and show themselves as really "needy". Maybe they just are just trying to be strong.
The Blind Man At The Bus Stop
One night, there was a blind man who made his way across an overhead bridge to a bus-stop to wait for a bus. He had a cane with him, and was tapping his way around. Upon "feeling" the seats with his cane, he placed his bag onto the seat, and stood there, slanting his head and listening intently to the sound of the traffic that went by.
But a little while before that, a boy tried to grab the blind man's hands and guide him to the seat. He (the boy) was acknowledged with a quick tug away from his grip by the blind man. The blind man eventually still made it to his seat.
I had considered going up to ask the blind man which bus he was waiting for, and helping him to keep a lookout until his bus came (which meant that I would be going home later than usual).
But I didn't. My bus came in a short while, and I boarded it, leaving the blind man to listen to his bus come.
Now don't go pushing any blame to me; let me pose the question back to you readers out there: Would you go all the way to help somebody like this, ALL THE TIME?
Let's just say I wasn't feeling helpful that night; it's not that I don't wish to help him. But sometimes their defensive stances (like pulling away from the guiding hand) simply turn me off.
But a little while before that, a boy tried to grab the blind man's hands and guide him to the seat. He (the boy) was acknowledged with a quick tug away from his grip by the blind man. The blind man eventually still made it to his seat.
I had considered going up to ask the blind man which bus he was waiting for, and helping him to keep a lookout until his bus came (which meant that I would be going home later than usual).
But I didn't. My bus came in a short while, and I boarded it, leaving the blind man to listen to his bus come.
Now don't go pushing any blame to me; let me pose the question back to you readers out there: Would you go all the way to help somebody like this, ALL THE TIME?
Let's just say I wasn't feeling helpful that night; it's not that I don't wish to help him. But sometimes their defensive stances (like pulling away from the guiding hand) simply turn me off.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #8
Learn Taijiquan.
More information can be found here: http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=taijiquan&spell=1 , courtesy of Google Search Engine.
More information can be found here: http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=taijiquan&spell=1 , courtesy of Google Search Engine.
The Annoying Waiting Game...
We all play the waiting game. Maybe we don't notice it, but the below most probably applied to you once or more in your life.
1. You've been standing at the bus-stop for more than 15 mins, and you wonder when the bus is coming. You know you're not taking a bus from the countryside (think bus service 175), moreoever you're paying *good* money (fare hikes anybody?) to the bus company to take a ride.
When the bus comes, it comes in 2's or 3's.
2. You've waited for nearly an hour (or more) since your scheduled appointment time with your doctor at the polyclinic/hospital (*Note: Government medical facilities). When it's finally your turn, you head straight in.
And then you come out less than 5 mins later. You notice the next guy goes in after waiting for less than 15 mins since his scheduled appointment time.
3. You arrived at the restaurant for the wedding dinner at 7:30pm sharp, but the dinner doesn't begin until 9pm.
And when the dishes are served, they are served with such blazing speed that you wonder how you ever managed to down that 10-course meal in less than 2 hours.
4. You think of buying something which you've really wanted for a very long time. When you hit the streets to look for it, stocks have run out in nearly every store you go too. "You'd have to wait until next Wednesday before stocks arrive."
Makes you wonder if it's a conspiracy against yourself.
1. You've been standing at the bus-stop for more than 15 mins, and you wonder when the bus is coming. You know you're not taking a bus from the countryside (think bus service 175), moreoever you're paying *good* money (fare hikes anybody?) to the bus company to take a ride.
When the bus comes, it comes in 2's or 3's.
2. You've waited for nearly an hour (or more) since your scheduled appointment time with your doctor at the polyclinic/hospital (*Note: Government medical facilities). When it's finally your turn, you head straight in.
And then you come out less than 5 mins later. You notice the next guy goes in after waiting for less than 15 mins since his scheduled appointment time.
3. You arrived at the restaurant for the wedding dinner at 7:30pm sharp, but the dinner doesn't begin until 9pm.
And when the dishes are served, they are served with such blazing speed that you wonder how you ever managed to down that 10-course meal in less than 2 hours.
4. You think of buying something which you've really wanted for a very long time. When you hit the streets to look for it, stocks have run out in nearly every store you go too. "You'd have to wait until next Wednesday before stocks arrive."
Makes you wonder if it's a conspiracy against yourself.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Round The Taxi And In The Face Of Death
Evening run. Reached an unlighted (traffic lights) junction turning into the car-park of my block of flats. A taxi comes out in front of me wanting to turn out, and I round the back of the taxi to clear the junction and resume my run.
The taxi was only beginning to turn out, when this blue Hyundai Matrix takes a fast corner, swerving into the car-park, in my direction.
I had just cleared the line dividing the middle of the road. I stopped in my tracks immediately when a quick glance over my shoulder spotted the car speeding in.
The driver was a fat slob, in his late 20s. He had the audacity to shake his head when he drove past me.
I went in after him, and the fat slob parked his car outside the coffee shop downstairs of my place, so I was not able to do anything.
What's wrong with the fat fuck.
The taxi was only beginning to turn out, when this blue Hyundai Matrix takes a fast corner, swerving into the car-park, in my direction.
I had just cleared the line dividing the middle of the road. I stopped in my tracks immediately when a quick glance over my shoulder spotted the car speeding in.
The driver was a fat slob, in his late 20s. He had the audacity to shake his head when he drove past me.
I went in after him, and the fat slob parked his car outside the coffee shop downstairs of my place, so I was not able to do anything.
What's wrong with the fat fuck.
The Dog And The Piss...
I was walking past a block of flats, round a corner when I saw this little exquisite dog (I'm do not know the breed) taking a leak at the side of the rows of letter boxes.
Rounding the corner, I saw the dog leash in the hands of a middle-aged woman, dressed out with jewelery and make-up. She scolded the dog "Haiyoh! Always pissing anywhere you like aH!"
And following that, she just lead the dog away on the leash, leaving the pool of piss on the floor.
The pool of piss was large enough for her to see her reflection in it.
Rounding the corner, I saw the dog leash in the hands of a middle-aged woman, dressed out with jewelery and make-up. She scolded the dog "Haiyoh! Always pissing anywhere you like aH!"
And following that, she just lead the dog away on the leash, leaving the pool of piss on the floor.
The pool of piss was large enough for her to see her reflection in it.
Thursday, May 26, 2005
ATM Machine
It was an evening queueing up at a POSB/DBS ATM machine. I needed to deposit some money.
Right at the machine, was a man carrying a sling bag. There were 2 people in front of me. The young man stood very close to the machine, and kept his bag close to the machine, like he feared somebody robbing him.
He took out a stack of $50 bills, and put that into the machine to deposit it away. When the machine finished counting his bills and completed the transaction, he pressed for another transaction.
In went his hand into his bag, out came another stack of $50 bills. In went the bills into the machine, and out came the screen to ask for another transaction. He pressed "yes".
This carried on for like 10 minutes.
The man in front of me, by this time was getting very fed-up already. He turned around impatiently and gave an angry sigh. I looked at him and asked "You been here for quite some time?" He nodded his head and turned back, too angry to say anything.
5 more minutes later, the idiot was still there, shoving stacks of $50 repeatedly into the machine.
By this time, I had grown wiser, and jumped to the queue for the neighbouring machine. The lind behind the idiot had grown weary of waiting, and were talking to each other. The idiot, remained cool and ignored the long line that had formed behind him.
What's wrong with the idiot? Can't he queue during the daytime and deposit the money manually? Everybody knows the machines are for quick access, for deposit or withdrawal of money. Nobody expects anybody else to have more than 2-3 trasactions at the machines.
Maybe the bank should impose a limit on this. If everybody started queueing up for the machines, and spending 10-15 minutes each at the machines, what difference is there in a machine, and the previous manual queues for depositing/withdrawing of money from the bank accounts?
We'll all be back to the early 80's, where you had to queue for 30 minutes when the bank had just opened, just to deposit that $100 into your bank account.
What's wrong with the idiot.
Right at the machine, was a man carrying a sling bag. There were 2 people in front of me. The young man stood very close to the machine, and kept his bag close to the machine, like he feared somebody robbing him.
He took out a stack of $50 bills, and put that into the machine to deposit it away. When the machine finished counting his bills and completed the transaction, he pressed for another transaction.
In went his hand into his bag, out came another stack of $50 bills. In went the bills into the machine, and out came the screen to ask for another transaction. He pressed "yes".
This carried on for like 10 minutes.
The man in front of me, by this time was getting very fed-up already. He turned around impatiently and gave an angry sigh. I looked at him and asked "You been here for quite some time?" He nodded his head and turned back, too angry to say anything.
5 more minutes later, the idiot was still there, shoving stacks of $50 repeatedly into the machine.
By this time, I had grown wiser, and jumped to the queue for the neighbouring machine. The lind behind the idiot had grown weary of waiting, and were talking to each other. The idiot, remained cool and ignored the long line that had formed behind him.
What's wrong with the idiot? Can't he queue during the daytime and deposit the money manually? Everybody knows the machines are for quick access, for deposit or withdrawal of money. Nobody expects anybody else to have more than 2-3 trasactions at the machines.
Maybe the bank should impose a limit on this. If everybody started queueing up for the machines, and spending 10-15 minutes each at the machines, what difference is there in a machine, and the previous manual queues for depositing/withdrawing of money from the bank accounts?
We'll all be back to the early 80's, where you had to queue for 30 minutes when the bank had just opened, just to deposit that $100 into your bank account.
What's wrong with the idiot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)