Expiry Dates

A good friend is one where you are still in touch at the age of 70 (assuming both of you are still alive).

A bad friend has many definitions.

A bad friend is defined as one who defines you as having an expiry date.

Young Punk: Money No Enough

There was this young punk queuing up at the TransitLink Ticket Office.

Punk: "Can I take out the money from this (EZ-Link) card?"

Woman: "Yes sure... you mean refund it?"

Punk: "Yeah."

Woman: "OK."

*After a few moments*

Woman: "I give you all the money in the card, but I gotta take back the card, OK?"

Punk: "Uh, can I take out some money from the card only, and you give me back the card?"

Woman: "Sorry, no."

The punk then leaves the ticket office

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Moral #1 of the story: An EZ-Link card, is NOT an ATM card.

Moral #2 of the story: If you don't have the moolah to hit the streets, go back home and stay home. Don't clutter up the streets.

Can means can, cannot means cannot, don't talk so much cock

What the hell is "tu"? I only know that it means "taking your own time" in dialect.

What the hell is "re chi"? I only know it's 热吃. And what the FUCK is that? Makes no sense to me.

And what's with the stereotyping of Chinese old women? "Thus, Chinese grannies...": So you're making a statement? It's a known fact? It sounds like your grand "Theory of Chinese Grannies who prepare 'cooling' herbal concoctions".

If you are not good in your hanyu pinyin, just shut the fuck up. That goes the same for you, whoever reviewed this letter for publication.

First things you'll (probably) notice about the embassies in Singapore

The Chinese Embassy

Trees are grown all over the perimeter of the compound, such that you see nothing at all beyond the trees.

Even the gate facing the main road, is only as wide as a man's shoulder. The gate is brown (seemingly in a planked-up design). A guard stands in that open gate, filling in the gap, so that you still see nothing at all beyond him.

The British High Commission

It has barricades behind its main gates.

You can see through the metal gate, but the view is limited by the high walls surround the compound.

The Embassy of the United States of America

Well, the first thing you'll notice is the flag of America flying in a prominent position.

The nation's symbol (the Bald Eagle) is just behind the flag (if i remember correctly).

The Royal Thai Embassy

The fence surrouding the Royal Thai Embassy is black and low (a little bit taller than a man). Looking inside, you can see all the way inside, up to the main building of the embassy.

It is in clear view to all the passer-bys.

Dem Crazy Aussies (Part 2 of 2)

And here's another one, from the show "Balls of Steel".

If only life here were that exciting like that in this show:

Dem Crazy Aussies (Part 1 of 2)

I should very much like to see the first person in Singapore daring to do this...

Is Your Car Insured?

Let's not even go there by talking about a gunfight. Let's just say a fight breaks out, involving a cop. If the cop takes cover behind your car, is your car insured against such incidents?

Got me wondering...

Module Feedback

And it's the time of the year where we start to fill in our feedback for the modules that we have taken. Here's a snippet that I contributed:

"Term paper should have been an individual effort. 2000 words, divided across two students, seems like assigning 2 students to cook a small pot of instant noodles. Hell, even '(name of another module)' has a 5,000 word-limit term paper, done individually.

From the first lecture, you mentioned that we can't have 3 people in a team because the 3rd person is likely to be sleeping. Well, I only have 2 people in my team, and there's still a "sleeper" in my team. Guess what? It's not me! LOL :-)"

Again, no prizes for guessing what happened to me during the semester.

Truths a NUS Staff Will Never Say to a Foreign Visitor

1. "Our aircons work when the weather is cold, and turns off when it's warm."

2. "Oh yeah, that student has been there for the last 3 days rushing a project."

3. "We've increased our intake year after year. If you go to our canteens during lunchtime, you will find students queueing up; not to buy food, but for seats."

4. "Our students have trouble finding a spot to study during exam periods in school. If you come after 9.30am, you won't find a single study area that's empty. If it is, it means something is wrong with that location."

5. "Let's take a walk down to the bus-stop, and you will see our students behaving in a 'every man for himself' manner when the bus comes."

6. "We've opened up rooms for students to study, but among these few rooms that are open, we reserve them for use for seminars, and we will not hesitate to get the students to scram when we need them."

7. "We've spent millions of dollars on building the University Hall, and we don't allow students to come in here."

8. "Some of our staff are engaged in active research, so much so that they are very bad lecturers."

9. "We have campus shuttle bus drivers who aspire to be Formula 1 drivers."

10. "Look at all our students in here, you will see that the ratio of local students is actually very few compared to non-local students."

Run away!

There are 2 things that the typical Singaporean will make a dash for:

1. When the train/bus comes.
2. When the ominous sound of a funeral procession comes towards him/her.

Pulling The Plug (Temporarily)

I suppose I'll have to do that for now, until the next holidays come along.

For all you fans out there, I offer my sincerest apologies.

Till December 2006 then. :)

"Hi, You've Won A Prize!"

A fine morning, and the phone was ringing:

Me: Hello?

Miss Y: Hi, I'm calling from xxx, do you remember ever filling out a lucky draw form or any participated in any contests in any shopping malls?

Me: Uh, I don't remember doing so.

Miss Y: Well, our records show that you are one of the lucky 20 winners of a prize! You can come down to our location to collect the prize...

Me: Sorry, I'm busy.

And without a word of "thank you for your time" or anything of that sort, I heard the ominous *click* of the phone as she hung up on me.

Employees for such companies should be shot on sight, and revoked of all their human rights.

Windows Oddities #1

It's a normal day spent with the computer, and I come across this right on my own desktop:


There will be more to come...

Lucky Draws, Competitions, and Prize-Winners a.k.a The Freak Show (Reprise #2)

Why is it that winners of competitions that have no-brainer factors involved (does not depend on luck, fitness, intellect, strength, agility, charisma, etc), are ALWAYS either of the below two categories:

a.) A fat slob who's ugly and looks lazy

Note: If you can't see the link above, here's a mirror of the image of the fat slob

Fatslob #2: Click here

OR

b.) A skinny pale fella who looks to be down with some terminal illness

Here's another picture of another winner who might be a distant cousin of the above sick fella.

And here are the rest of the fella who either look sick, or are suffering from malnutrition:

Nerd #3: Click here
Nerd #4: Click here
Nerd #5: Click here
Nerd #6: Click here

Is it that such competitions attract butt-ugly people, or is it that only butt-ugly people go for such competitions? Why???

SingTel Internet SMS: Money No Enough

So you wanted to send an Internet SMS to your SingTel mobile-user friend, and you happily click at your "SingTel Internet SMS" bookmark in your favourite browser... :

What's that? Oh... there's no more Internet SMS service! It's been replaced with a *NEW* feature: Internet SMS Chat! Looks funky! And hip-hop! And super-cool, dude!

So you *click*, to register for a new account, and start filling in away happily at the details required there, and click *SEND* to send that Internet SMS to your friend.

Now you've done it, you fool. You didn't read the Terms and Conditions below, did you?

Here they are, in case you clicked too fast:

--------------------------------------------------
Terms and Conditions of SingTel Mobile's Internet SMS Chat Service


1. Definitions and Interpretation

1.1 In these Terms and Conditions, the following words and expressions shall have the following meanings:
"Internet User" means any person who registers or utilises the Service.
"Service" means SingTel Mobile's Internet SMS Chat service.
"SingTel Mobile" means Singapore Telecom Mobile Pte Ltd.
"Short Message" means a text based message sent via standard GSM terminals or equipments by a sender to the Subscriber.
"Short Message Service" or "SMS" means the service of enabling user to send or receive Short Messages to or from mobile communication equipment or other similarly enabled equipment.
"Subscriber" means the recipient of the Short Message who is a subscriber of SingTel Mobile.


2. Service Requirements and Limitations

2.1 Registration

2.1.1 The Internet User must register to use the Service. The Internet User will be required to provide his/her name, email address, nickname, mobile number, year of birth, gender, country, operator and internet service provider in order to use the Service.

2.2 Service Description

2.2.1 The Service allows Internet Users to send Short Messages from computer terminals to Subscribers. The Internet User must key in the Subscriber's number before keying in the message and sending it out.

2.3 The Subscriber will only see the Internet User's nickname and a randomly generated number as the sender of the Short Message. The Subscriber can choose to reply to the Short Message by using the normal reply mechanism for SMS.

2.4 The Internet User acknowledges and agrees that :
(a) the Service is provided on an "as is" basis and that SingTel Mobile assumes no responsibility for the timeliness, deletion, misdelivery, non-delivery of the Short Message;
(b) the Internet User may receive certain communications from SingTel Mobile, such as administrative messages and that these communications are considered part of the Service;
(c) any new features introduced from time to time to augment or enhance the Service shall be subject to these Terms and Conditions;
(d) the Internet User is responsible for the content of the Short Message that the Internet User transmits using the Service;
(e) SingTel Mobile does not control the content in the Short Message that the Internet User sends via the Service and, as such, does not guarantee, and is not responsible for, the accuracy, integrity, legality or quality of such content;
(f) SingTel Mobile reserves the right to alter, modify, add to or otherwise vary these Terms and Conditions;
(g) SingTel Mobile may, in its sole discretion and without prior notice, terminate the Internet User's access to the Service if SingTel Mobile is of the opinion that the Internet User has breached any of these Terms and Conditions or has abused the Service.
(h) the Internet User shall fully indemnify and hold harmless SingTel Mobile at all times against all actions, claims, proceedings, costs (including legal costs incurred by SingTel Mobile in defending any such actions, claims or proceedings), liability, losses and damages whatsoever which may be brought or commenced against SingTel Mobile by any person and/or which SingTel Mobile may sustain, incur or suffer, as the case may be, directly or indirectly arising out of or in connection with the use of the Service; and
(i) SingTel Mobile shall not be liable to the Internet User or any third parties for any loss of damage of any kind incurred as a result of the use of the Service.

2.5 The Internet User agrees not to or not to allow or permit any other person to use the Service to:
(a) transmit any Short Messages which are improper, immoral, unlawful, racial, discriminating, harassing, embarrassing, libellous, abusive, threatening, harmful, obscene, 'spam' or otherwise include objectionable material of any kind or nature, or include any material that causes distress or violates the rights of a third party,
(b) send, or facilitate the sending of, unsolicited material ("Spam"), unsolicited advertising, promotional materials, or any other forms of solicitation, chain letters or junk messages to any person or system in a way that could be expected to adversely impact any network or facilities;
(c) create a false identity, or otherwise attempt to mislead others as to the identity of the sender or the origin of the Short Message;
(d) violate any other person's rights, or interfere with another person's use of the Service, including, without limitation by engaging in activities that result in, encourage or facilitate the distribution of viruses, worms, time bombs, Trojan horses, cancelbots, sniffer, or other code(s) that are designed to acquire information about other users or their activities without their approval;
(e) transmit any Short Messages that may infringe the intellectual property rights or other rights of third parties, including trademark, copyright or right of publicity; or
(f) to intentionally or unintentionally violate any applicable law.


3. Fees and Charges

3.1 The Internet User will not be charged for sending Short Messages using the Service.

3.2 The Subscriber who replies to the Short Message will be charged. Short Messages sent are part of the free local monthly bundled SMS for applicable price plans. A charge of 5.25¢ applies for each SMS sent beyond monthly local bundled SMS. In the event that the Subscriber is overseas, standard SMS roaming charges apply for SingTel Mobile customers. These charges are overseas network operator dependent.


4. Consent to Use and Disclose Internet Users' Information and Data

4.1 The Internet User agrees that SingTel Mobile shall be entitled to use or disclose any information or data disclosed by the Internet User.

4.2 By registering for the service, the Internet User agrees to receive required notices from SingTel Mobile electronically, targeted advertisements and periodic emails.

4.3 The Internet User further acknowledges and agrees that SingTel Mobile may access, preserve, monitor, use and disclose any information relating to the use of Service by the Internet User as reasonably necessary to
(a) provide, maintain and improve the Service, and to respond to requests for customer service by the Internet User;
(b) enforce these Terms and Conditions;
(c) comply with legal process; and
(d) respond to claims of violation of third party rights.
--------------------------------------------------

"Looks like a standard Terms and Conditions page, what's the big deal man," you ask. Well, here's the scoop:

4.1 The Internet User agrees that SingTel Mobile shall be entitled to use or disclose any information or data disclosed by the Internet User.

Layman Translation: You may someday receive calls from companies you've never heard of, telling you that you've won a big prize.

4.2 By registering for the service, the Internet User agrees to receive required notices from SingTel Mobile electronically, targeted advertisements and periodic emails.

Layman Translation: "Hey, why am I receiving spam from SingTel in my email!!!" you exclaim. You agreed to receive the now-solicited-and-not-actually-unsolicited mails when you clicked that "I Agree" button, you fool.

4.3 The Internet User further acknowledges and agrees that SingTel Mobile may access, preserve, monitor, use and disclose any information relating to the use of Service by the Internet User as reasonably necessary to
(a) provide, maintain and improve the Service, and to respond to requests for customer service by the Internet User;
(b) enforce these Terms and Conditions;
(c) comply with legal process; and
(d) respond to claims of violation of third party rights.

Layman Translation: Your data is being monitored by somebody else who's not your friend.

Eyes Like A Hawk...

So... if you are a customer of Cathay's Cineplexes, you must:
- Understand that there are 1,499 words in the Terms and Condition.
- Understand that you will have 3 minutes 30 seconds (thereabouts) by the time you get to this page.
- This means you have to be a speed reader at approximately 428 wpm (words per minute). The typical reader reads at 150-200 wpm.
- Able to comprehend fully complex sentences that are drawn up by lawyers or solicitors.
- Accomplish the reading objective in a matter of 4 minutes or so (it was 3:16 by the time I fiddled around getting the shot above), and still be able to fill out the form for purchasing the movie tickets online.

Or you could just go on and check that box, and when your tickets go missing or the transaction goes awry, you will only have yourself to blame for not reading the Terms and Conditions.

Privileges vs. Entitlements

Article #1:
Taken from TODAY paper, dated 12th July 2006

Question #1: Why can't the same condition be applied to train travel?
Answer: Simple. Buses belong to SBS Transit. The MRT belongs to SMRT. The NEL belongs to SBS Transit. Two different companies, two different policies. They are not obliged to follow each other's company practices.

Did you understand that? OK, here's a more "youngster" answer just for you: If Apple is offering a $50 rebate for all iPod accessories purchased, must Creative follow suit and offer $50 for all their Zen accesories?

Question #2: After all, the trains are operating throughout the day, so the running costs are the same anyway.
Answer: So... going by your logic, SMRT should offer free rides to EVERY SINGLE PASSENGER, correct? Since the trains are operating throughout the day mah!!!

By the way, Aloysius Ang. You already answered your own doubts in your first sentence. The answer is "privileges".

Article #2:
Taken from TODAY paper, dated 20th July 2006 (NOT 17th July 2006 as Article #3 denotes)

There, the answer you are looking for. Privilege. NOT "entitlement".

Article #3:
Taken from TODAY paper, dated 24th July 2006


Question #1: Why don't they give a monthly limit instead of a daily one?
Answer: Does your mother give you $10 pocket money each day or $100 per week? Or does she give you $10,000 per year?

Also, the reason of "certain days when I need more than four rides to run errands..." is completely unfounded. Remember, the concession privilege is there only because you are studying. It is not for errand-running, or your club activities where you are not studying but are enjoying yourself travelling around town having fun.

Stop whining and get back to your heavily-scripted lives as a Singaporean.

What the F*** is WRONG with Yahoo! Mail?

Yahoo! Mail suffered an outage over the weekend. Mysteriously, it was not reported on the WWW (except maybe on this blog).

Not surprising, and possibly another "cover-it-all-up-so-you-can't-do-anything-about-us" issue.

Remember, there is always the ONE RULE TO RULE THEM ALL (http://sg.docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/):

18. EXCLUSION OF LIABILITY
YOU EXPRESSLY UNDERSTAND AND AGREE THAT WE AND OUR LICENSORS, SUPPLIERS, VENDORS, PARENT, HOLDING, SUBSIDIARY AND RELATED COMPANIES, AFFILIATES, OFFICERS, AGENTS AND EMPLOYEES SHALL NOT BE LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL, SPECIAL, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO, DAMAGES FOR LOSS OF PROFITS, GOODWILL, USE, DATA OR OTHER INTANGIBLE LOSSES...

Suck your thumbs, Yahoo! Mail users.

On The Bus... #21 or The Haughty Bitch on PMS

An elderly woman boarded the bus, her face heavy with makeup and lipstick. She walked in a haughty manner (as if she owned the bus), and took a seat.

She did not pay for her bus fare.

The bus driver was an Indian man, and he got up from his drivers' seat, approaching the elderly woman and requesting her to pay her bus fare.

The woman began screaming and wailing and shouting in Malay at the Indian bus driver, and got up to walk to the front of the bus to pay her fare.

She stood beside the bus entrance, and pretended to pay her fare using the EZ-Link machine.

The bus driver witnessed her pretence.

She then again walked haughtily back to her seat, and plonked down in her seat, her head held up high as though she were the Queen of England.

The bus driver was helpless towards the haughty bitch's unruly behaviour, and he drove on.

Space Invaders...

The above article can be found in TODAY on the 17th July (Monday) 2006, under the "Voices" column.

A very well-writted article, with the highlights (IMHO) being boxed up in blue as you can see in the picture.

PS: On a side note, has anybody played Space Invaders before?

On The Bus... #20 or Idiotic Passengers Abound!

A crowded bus-ride in the evening during peak-hours could be made alot better if the following people did not exist:

1.) The bitch who scrambles for the bus exit when the bus is only 10 metres away from the next stop, presses the bus bell. The bus comes to a screeching halt, making other passengers fall down all over the bus.

The door opens, and the bitch looks around in a pretentious manner.

She gets off only at the next stop.

2.) A bunch of idiots who gets on the bus from the bus terminal, hogs all the seats on the bus. You and a bunch of other passengers who got on a couple of stops later are left standing in the crowded bus.

The bunch of idiots get off the bus a few stops later, shoving you and the other standing passengers aside in a great rush (see below).

3.) Somebody presses the bell, and the bus pulls into the stop. You look around to make way for alighting passengers, but there are none making their way to the exit.

The bus exit opens. Only then do you hear the rustlings of bags and belongings, accompanied with murmurs of "Excuse me".

The idiot who is alighting, comes from the last row, squeezing past passengers in a great rush.

The whole bus is waiting (see below).

4.) The idiot who gets off the bus at the last minute, reaches the exit but does not alight.

He/she pauses to dig into his/her bag to dig out the bloody-god-damned-where-the-hell-is-it-I-can't-find-it-because-I'm-an-idiotic-passenger-who-likes-to-make-the-whole-bus-wait-for-me-and-I-was-lazy-to-take-it-out-before-I-got-up-to-make-my-way-to-the-door EZ-Link card.

5.) A middle-aged woman reaches over your shoulder to tap her adult EZ-Link card (one beep, so it's an adult card). She gets off the bus only three stops away.

She's a fare cheat.

On The Bus... #19 or Bitches Galore

On a bus in the late afternoon home. Bus pulls in, and the bus is half-full already.

Bitch #1
Bitch No. 1 was in her late 40s or early 50s. Definitely suffering from menopause. I was standing at the edge of the kerb of the bus stop.

She was seated some distance down at the bus stop (see picture below, 1.), and she got up immediately and shuffled to my left, wanting to be ahead of me in the queue should the bus pull in at the exact location.

But no, the bus stopped earlier than it should, and me and a bunch of other passengers began walking down the bus stop to the entrance of the bus. The bitch ended up being the last in line in the queue.

Bitch overtakes me on the right (see picture below, 2.), and squeezes in ahead of me.



Not wanting to take this lying down, I intercepted her path, and ended up touching her oh-so-fair-and-dainty arm with my sweating arms.

Bitch frowns and uses her other hand to wipe my sweat off her oh-so-fair-and-dainty arm.

Well, screw her. Typical Singaporean bitch who wants the best of everything (a seat on the bus), yet doesn't want to suffer (squeezing with other passengers).

Bitch #2
Bitch No. 2 was middle-aged in her 30s. She was standing in the crowded bus, just like me, and she was leaning against a pole.

What's the big deal, you say. So there she was, leaning against a pole, and grabbing hold of a different pole.

That's 2 poles being occupied by one single bitch.

PS: This reminds me of some other silly passengers who HAVE a seat on the bus, and yet are still grabbing the seat handles in front of them throughout the whole trip, forfeiting all standing passengers of any handles to steady themselves for the bumpy bus rides. What the f%^& is WRONG with you people?

If you want to hold the handles, just fucking GIVE UP THE SEAT. You'll be holding the same handle if you're standing, plus you'll free up a seat for another passenger who doesn't need the handles.

Don't take up a bloody seat, and STILL want MORE by holding onto the freaking seat handles.

Bitch #3
Bitch No. 3 was not Chinese nor Malay. She was seated in the green seats (for the elderly or the pregnant). She seemed to still have a decade or two to go in order to qualify for the green seats.

So there she was, sitting on the green seats while a pregnant lady came up on the bus with a child of 6-7 years old. The pregnant lady was standing beside me throughout the whole bus trip, while Bitch No. 3 was sitting on the green seats.

Bitch No. 3 alighted from the bus, carrying a large paper bag with the name of a certain boutique printed on it, and a "PARIS" (the boutique seemed to be a Paris boutique, in actual fact) on it as well.

Bitch #4
Bitch No. 4 was probably suffering from menopause as well. Dressed like a typical tai-tai (rich elderly woman), she rushed for one of the green seats when one of the passengers alighted, while the pregnant lady was standing beside me with her child. Bitch No. 4 was fully aware of the pregnant lady's presence.

I was disgusted with Bitch No. 4, and stared at her while she shifted her ass around the seat trying to make herself comfortable.

She probably felt my eyes staring at her, and turned to look at me. I stared back with my cold eyes, and Bitch No. 4 didn't give a fuck.

When Bitch No. 4 alighted (at the same stop as me), she was clear to get off. Bitch No. 4 just so happened to be one of those people as mentioned in one of my previous entries, under heading 5.)

So Bitch No. 4 pushed this Malay lady in a tudong, and screamed "AIYOH!" at the Malay lady.

The Malay lady was confused and stood closer (to do a pole-dance) to give way to Bitch No. 4.

As Bitch No. 4 disembarked from the bus, she screamed again, "STAND THERE FOR WHAT? BLOCKING THE WAY!" with a wide sweeping gesture of her hands.

PS: At this point of time, somebody should remind me that the way to counter this kind of bitch is to say the following:

"OF COURSE STAND THERE LAH, YOU DON'T GIVE UP THE @#$% SEAT, OF COURSE HAVE TO STAND THERE LAH!"

Road Directions...

A Japanese lady came to me at the bus stop, asking for directions.

JL: "Hello, can you tell me the buses that go to the bus-stop two stops down?"

Me: "Any bus here goes to the bus-stop two stops down. It's a straight road here."

JL: "No no. Can you tell me the buses that go two buses ago?"

Me: "Ermm... Bus 66 just passed by, and before that was Bus 852."

Exasperated, she took a seat near me, and took out a Japanese-English electronic dictionary. I watched her as she keyed in some japanese characters into the dictionary.

JL: "I ask you, what are the buses that go two buses ago?"

Me: "I'm sorry, I don't know."

JL: "You understand my question? I ask you, what are the buses that go two buses ago?"

I shook my head.

The Japanese lady smiled at me, and said, "I go ask my English teacher again." She then mumbled some Japanese words.

Me: "Where do you want to go?"

JL: "I want to go to Orchard Road."

Me: "Well, you can take Bus 174 there." And I pointed at Bus 174, which just pulled into the stop.

JL: "I know 3 buses go Orchard Road: Bus 77, Bus 171, and Bus 174."

Me: "Okay..."

JL: "I just want to ask you, what are the buses that go two buses ago?"

Me: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."

At this point she begins mumbling in incoherent Japanese again. My bus came, and I boarded it.

As the bus pulled away, I saw her asking another passer-by, presumably the same question.

On The Bus... #18 or Innocent Until Proven Guilty

An Indian boy boarded the bus, lugging a baggage of tennis rackets. He was in school uniform, and he walked past the bus driver, forgetting to pay for his bus ride.

"Eh Ah Nek!" shouted the bus driver.

The boy continued walking.

"OI!" shouted the bus driver again.

The boy turned around and walked back to tap his EZ-Link card on the reader. He had his card in his hand even before the bus driver was shouting at him.

Pathfinding...

A woman was on the phone at the traffic junction. She approached me and said, "Do you know where block xxx is?"

I didn't know where it was, but I knew it wasn't around here, so I told her, "It's definitely not around here, it's all the number-yyy blocks around here."

She said, "Okay thanks." and stuck a thumbs-up sign right in my face before walking away, resuming her phone conversation.

Past and Present...

Past: Part-time street surveyors would ask you "Hello Sir/Madam, could you spare 5 minutes for a simple, short survey?"

Present: Now, they ask "Hello Sir/Madam, are you a local or do you have PR status?"

--------------------------------------------------
Past: When you logged onto the Internet and IM-ed somebody, you'd be assured of getting an instantaneous reply.

Present: You have to wait for up to 12 hours for a reply, sometimes even getting no reply at all. The fella just logs off without even replying.

--------------------------------------------------
Past: You could walk in any neighbourhood mall with your eyes closed, and there'd be room for you to walk around without obstructing anybody's path.

Present: People walk deliberately with their eyes closed right into your path, even when your path was clear a moment ago.

--------------------------------------------------
Past: Handphones were held only by men with suitcases and ties.

Present: You see kids who aren't even knee-high sporting the latest models of handphones (Yes, even newer than yours, you loser).

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Past: You could take an enjoyable walk down in the city anytime of the week.

Present: You have to be bothered by people refusing to budge when trying to sell you packets of tissue paper (even when you've politely rejected them), asking for surveys, begging for money (Bugis MRT anyone?) or chewren holding tin cans.

--------------------------------------------------
Past: In any film you could get your hands on (movie theatre, rental or purchase), you'd be grateful if you could see explosions or bloody gunfights.

Present: You can now see tits, or "gyrating/humping action" even in NC16 films in the theatre. You look around the cinema and it's full of kids who don't even seem half your age.

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Past: You could talk to most sales assistants or store owners in English, and they try hard to reply, even if it's Singlish (broken English).

Present: You have problems communicating with them because they only speak Mandarin.

Sparks and Tyre Rims...

Bus 167 pulled into the MacRitchie Reservoir bus-stop at an alarmingly fast speed.

Curving down the road after the traffic junction to make a pit-stop, the Ferrari Bus Driver grabbed hold of the steering wheel, steady as a rock.

But NO! He misjudges the kerb distance, and takes the turn too wide!

BAM! The front left tyre rim struck the concrete kerb, but luckily the bus did not mount the kerb.

Sparks flew out from the grazing metal tyre rim against the cold hard rock of the kerb.

The spectators standing at the bus stop are left in awe at the Amazing Ferrari Bus Driver. I take a jump backwards upon seeing the sparks fly, afraid that the bus would overturn.

The smell of burnt metal filled the air as the wheels of the Ferrari Bus rolled to a halt, making the pit stop.

Indecent Exposure & Perverts...

I was heading towards a bus stop. Upon reaching the bus stop, I walked from one end to the other so as to check out the bus services available at the bus stop. There was this OL slouched over in the seat, waiting for her bus.

At one point (while passing by her), I saw that the woman's blouse was crumpled in such a manner that her assets were half-exposed. I arrived under the bus stop signpost, and checked the buses available. The OL at this point of time was behind me, back towards me.

Turning back around to look down the road at the buses, somebody was standing at the spot where I passed by the OL just a few seconds ago.

That "somebody", was a tanned man wearing a shirt and shorts. He looked to be in his forties. He had his eyes glued onto the OL's assets, only occasionally taking a very quick glance towards the road to check for his arriving bus.

I shook my head in dismay, just as my bus came.

Lucky Draws, Competitions, and Prize-Winners

Why is it that winners of competitions that have no-brainer factors involved (does not depend on luck, fitness, intellect, strength, agility, charisma, etc), are ALWAYS either of the below two categories:

a.) A fat slob who's ugly and looks lazy

Note: If you can't see the link above, here's a mirror of the image of the fat slob
OR

b.) A skinny pale fella who looks to be down with some terminal illness

Why???

10 Worst Things You Could Ever Give A Girl

1. A bracelet that is too small for her

2. A single, one-way ticket to her favourite getaway location

3. Roll-on deodorant

4. A spanking new car

5. Gillette Venus

6. A dildo

7. A Box of Extrim tablets

8. The Book titled "Recovered, Not Cured: A Journey Through Schizophrenia"

9. Menopause for Dummies

10. Click Here

Real Life vs. Reel Life

Some of us may be the type who treats movies as a form of entertainment. Others might take it to be a form of visual and audio art. Yet some others treat it as a bore, and sleep throughout the movie.

Constant exposure to movies, where the actors have died long ago, may cause depression.

See their performance in the films; know that they have died long ago. How did you evaluate their performance? Were they good, or did their acting skills simply stink?

Now think about yourself: What will people think when you die? Will you be the Humble one? Or the Arrogant one? How about the Nonchalent one?

What we do in life, echoes in eternity.

Cars and Stripes...

Twice in two days, I have crossed a zebra crossing. Twice have I had one foot on the stripe on the road, when a car zoomed past in front of me, refusing to stop.

One was a 'L' plate young bloke, the other was a middle-aged woman.

The license plate number of one of the cars... is but a vague memory in my mind. I only remember xxx4869x.

I swear I will run up to the car when it stops at the dotted line to filter out to the main road (where most zebra crossings are situated), and punch a dent in the rear boot of the car. You can call me a coward, but I will then run away as fast as I can (where the driver can't catch me without getting off the vehicle).

My mind is set, and my fists are ready.

Kids Nowadays...

I saw a kid, holding a plastic shell with a toy inside (from those machines where you insert a dollar and turn the lever to roll out a ball).

He threw the shell onto the floor, and the shell split open and shattered on the ground like an egg dropped on the ground. He bent over and picked up the toy inside from the ground.

He then kicked the remains of the shattered shell onto the grass patch beside the sidewalk, and skipped away in glee, holding his new toy.

I think I have an idea how his parents look like.

Singapore Idol Fever...

Frankly, I don't give a flying shit about it coming this Sunday 21st May at 8pm sharp.

What I can tell you, is that the first 30 minutes for the show this Sunday, will be on the crowd that queued up at HDB Hub, and all the nonsense that occurred outside the room with the judges. Only after all these time-waster scenes are shown, will the actual auditions then be aired.

What I cannot tell you, is what the outcome of the 2nd Singapore Idol will be (after Taufik Batisah). Now, I'm not saying he's (Taufik) not good, but two points I have to make:

1.) It seems that he is actually the runner-up for the 1st Singapore Idol, since the media gave actual runner-up Sylvester Sim more attention than Taufik the champion.

2.) These two fellas are endorsing products like a-certain-brand-of-Thai-rice-which-I-forgot-the-name, the drink Sinalco (You: "WTF is that???!!!" Well, you probably have to be very all-knowing to remember this drink), 7-11, and scores of other unheard-of (or less well-known) brand names.

So what is to be the outcome of the 2nd Singapoke.. Oopps I mean, Singapore Idol? Endorsing even lesser-known brands like ermm... Eye Power Drink (眼神）? Yes there is such a brand of drink, I kid you not. How about the traditional Oleander Drink (?) （白花蛇草水) that comes in classic green bottles, lately with new peach/apple flavour?

There was a recent trailer about Singapore Idol, showcasing two obvious failures in the auditions: some rap-king who did his audition in chinese, and a Malay guy who came in a cowboy outfit, and got ridiculed by the judges as coming from Brokeback Mountain.

Sad to say, it seems that the preview trailers for this hyped-up show, has to begin on a low note by bashing the drop-outs from the auditions. Sorry, Mediacorp, you just bashed your own name. A world-class media does not dish out insults in this manner.

Hmm... wait. Did I say "world-class"? I guess I should take it back, as I'm mistaken.

You can rest assured that I don't give a flying shit about Singapore Idol.

The Difference Between Men And Women

Here are some of the usual responses you will get if you pick any person off the street and ask them on some things about a men and women.

1. If a woman kisses a woman, that's hot. When a man kisses a man, that's gay.

2. When a woman touches a man, that's affection. When a man touches a woman, that's molest.

3. When a woman looks into a man's eyes, that's love. When a man looks into a woman's eyes, that's lust.

4. When a woman strips naked in public, that's hot. When a man strips naked in public, that's disgusting.

5. When a woman lives off a man, she's a good spouse/partner. When a man lives off a woman, he's a man without pride and dignity.

6. When a woman can't get an orgasm, it's the man's fault. When a man can't get an erection, he has to go see a doctor.

7. When a man drives a big car, he's rich. When a woman drives a big car, she's got a rich husband.

8. When a man has plenty of hair on his body, he's manly. When a woman has plenty of hair on her body, that's a turn-off.

9. When a man has many sexual partners, he's a stud. When a woman has many sexual partners, she's a whore.

10. When a man can't make a choice, he's undecided. When a woman can't make a choice, she's fickle-minded.

To all you people fighting for sexual equality: Root out these fundamental differences first, and then we can speak.

On The Bus... #17

A fine morning, a fine trip on the bus.

I was seated right behind the driver. A lady boarded the bus at the next stop and took the seat beside me. At a sharp turn, I felt the lady elbow me. I turned and looked.

The lady was sitting on the floor.

She grabbed for the handles, and stood on her feet firmly again, climbing back into the seat beside me. I heard a few gasps of surprise from behind.

I took a peek at her face from the driver's mirror. She had a face that was darker than any of the recent thunderstorms in Singapore.

Naturally, I didn't laugh at that point of time.

Double Standards...

This is the notice that was put up a few months ago for the registration for modules during the special term for 2005/2006.

I swear to all the Gods in the world that I just saw the enrolment number for a module increase from 45 to 47 over this weekend.

This is so wrong.

If I Were An Examination Invigilator...

I would:

1. apprehend the student who flips over the examination script and starts reading, despite haven't being told to do so.

2. apprehend the student who turns around and starts talking to his friend when his/her answer script is still on the table.

3. apprehend the student fiddling with his/her mobile phone right after the examiner calls to conclude the examination.

I wouldn't:
1. allow any shithole or butthead wearing jackets emanating any form of weird odour from entering the examination hall (that smelt like it hadn't been washed for months or even years. Sounds familiar?).

2. allow any idiot with legs too long to start kicking the candidate's chair in front.

3. allow any idiot to utter weird animal sounds in the midst of the examination hall.

All violators should be shot on sight, have their scripts torn up, and their bodies dragged out of the examination hall on charges of attempting to cheat, or disruption of the examination in progress.

Just Another Day In School... #20

Another day, another examination paper to take.

Lecturer announces that the time is up, and for all students to stop writing.

So everybody stops.

One non-local student whips out his handphone, and furiously begins keying away into his phone. Needless to say, there wasn't any invigilators near him. Also, his answer script was still on his table.

I should've yelled out there and then for somebody to apprehend the cheater, for who is to say that nobody behind was not writing still (and in league with the cheater)?

What is WRONG with these (non-local) people?

Fear Factor! (Singaporean Style)

Here are some thoughts for Fear Factor Singapore, should they ever copy it over from America, just like Singapore Idol.

Thought 1
Items Required:

• A theatre full of kids below the age of 12
• All the popcorn, candy, and drinks for the kids
• Theatre is to play the movie "Ice Age 2" or just any other cartoon film
• No adults to be present in the theatre, except for the contestant

How?

1. Contestant will attempt to sit in the theatre throughout the movie, and finish watching it without leaving the theatre mid-way, or opening his/her mouth to speak to (or shout at) anybody.

Prize:

A year's supply of movie passes to all premieres of cartoon films.

Thought 2
Items Required:

• An SBS Bus
• A platoon (that's around 50 or so) of middle-aged aunties just done with their grocery shopping

How?

1. Contestant is to be the only odd one out on the bus (with the exception of the bus driver).
2. Aunties will start on the bus with contestant from the interchange.
3. Contestant must survive the ride and alight only at the terminating bus interchange.
4. Contestant is not allowed to get off the bus halfway.

Prize:

A concession pass for free bus rides, valid for a year, on selected bus routes that ply along wet fish markets and supermarkets.

Thought 3
Items Required:

• A straw
• A person with plenty of pimples

How?

1. Stick the straw over any of the pimples of the person-with-plenty-of-pimples.
2. Contestant will attempt to suck on the straw hard.

Prize:

$5 for each successful pimple sucked.

Would you dare take up the challenge???

Just Another Day In School... #19 or Those Darned Teabags

Another day in school...

A short walk to the water cooler to fill up my drinking bottle, and I see a teabag stuck in the drainage system of the water cooler...

A trip to the toilet later, and I tore some toilet paper to dry my hands after washing them. Stepping on the pedal of the wastepaper basket, it opens up... to a basket full of tea leaves.

I go back to where I was seated, resuming my work. Looking up while pondering over my work... a teabag is stuck to the ceiling.

No prizes again, sorry, for guessing who left them there.

Mercenary Girls...

Case 1:

A girl asked to join my project group, as she was weak in the subject.

I declined politely, as I was not the leader of the group.

She never spoke to me ever since.

Case 2:

A girl asked for one of my tutorials for reference. I agreed.

A few days later, she told me to simply just bring all my tutorials for her.

I declined politely.

A few days later, we spoke again. Her first line, was a demand for my answers to a graded assignment.

No "Hello! How have you been..." or "How's your day" or any of those sort of polite greetings when you're trying to ask a favour from someone. Just a direct request for me to give her my answers to the assignment.

Naturally, I declined.

No other topic ever crossed our conversations that was not a request for work.

Note: As much as they were both lookers, their mercenary behaviour was the least impressive.

!@#$%^&

If you see a couple of men wearing white shirts and black trousers with leather shoes, coupled with black slingbags and a tie, be careful.

If you see their shirt pocket with a little black nametag with their names etched in gold, be very careful.

If you can read that the nametags begin with "Brother xxx", be extremely careful.

Get ready to get out of their way when they approach you on the streets, be it when you're walking, or on the bus, or on the train.

Be paranoid. Run!

Just Another Day In School... #18

The girl (Just Another Day In School... #17) didn't show up for this week's class.

Just Another Day In School... #17

Another day, another tutorial class.

The class was held in this computer labs (although we weren't using the computers at all).

There was this uninvited guest; this girl who was not from my tutorial class. She was working on one of her reports for a module, and she was using the computer in the labs. Typing away noisily, "clack clack clackety clackety clacking clack"...

She was there in my tutorial class each week, every week, all the weeks. Each time however, the lecturer (who was taking the tutorial class) never did chase her (nor any other uninvited guests) out (Yes, there were more than one where they came from, but the girl was the one who overstayed the most).

Her incessant typing at the noisy keyboard was getting onto my nerves. So that day, I got pissed, and took things into my own hands.

I waited for the lecturer to finish explaning the last bit of his concepts and ideas, and then I raised my hand:

"SIR COULD YOU PLEASE REPEAT THAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU WITH ALL THE TYPING!"

He gave a baffled look, and I had to repeat what I said a second time.

Now the girl stopped typing, and froze there. The sleepy class suddenly awoke.

The girl then took her water bottle and exited the class for a break. When she came back, she resumed her typing, with less noise and speed, though with the same audacity.

What a bitch. What's WRONG with all these BITCHES???!!! (Not a sweeping statement at all, the other uninvited guests were coincidentally bitches too, and non-local ones)

PS: She didn't look local at all. I suppose the mindset of "embarrassment" only applies to the locals.

Interlude...

This is just an interlude to fill in the emptiness between 3rd of March and now, to the next time when I will be free to carry on with my nitpicks...

Just Another Day In School... #16

Another day, another 20% CA class.

So the wild dogs (I mean, bitches) are let loose, and one of them happily bites at the meat.

The rest of the students finish writing their answers on the board. They return to their seats, leaving the one bitch writing at the board.

And then, the rest of the bitches started taunting their kind:

"Eh write faster lah! You so slow leh!" They shouted at their bitch still writing furiously away at the board. And then they started their sickening laughing and giggling among themselves.

Nobody else in the class was laughing.

Bitch replies, "Wa lau! (an expression of exclamation/surprise in dialect) If I knew this question was so long I wouldn't choose this question to present already!"

The lecturer is standing there like a fool between the bitches. His hands are in his pocket and he is smiling awkwardly at their conversation.

Mind you, the class is in session, and the remaining bitches are shouting at their bitch standing at the board in front of the class.

When the bitch finishes writing, she comes back to her seat, which just so happens to be directly beside mine.

I glance at her work. She only has that single question done up for presentation.

She should count her lucky stars.

As for the other bitches, they really should learn to respect the presence of the lecturer.

I feel disgraced to be in the same class as them. I seriously don't know where the school went to enrol students that behave like vegetable sellers with boom-box voices when bargaining/trading with their customers.

Just Another Day In School... #15

So I was at this class with the 20% CA marks for presenting your tutorial answers to the class.

There is always this bunch of 5 bitches in my class.

Aiyoh, why you so bad call them bitches? People got name one leh!

Here's why:
1. They come to the class laughing and joking between themselves non-stop, even when the class is in session.
2. When any one of them presents an answer, and the lecturer poses a question, they are unable to answer his questions every time.

One of them even has the guts to go HEE HEE HAA HAA and grin at the lecturer, instead of giving him the reply required.
3. At one time, the same HEE HEE HAA HAA bitch went "I dunno!/Not sure leh!" to the lecturer multiple times when the lecturer fired a barrage of questions at her.

He still gave her the CA% marks thereafter.
4. They behave like a pack of wild dogs having a chunk of meat thrown into them.

When the lecturer goes "Who would like to attempt question x?" They would all go in for the kill, screaming "I WAN I WAN I WAN!" like a bunch of young girls screaming at Brad Pitt.
5. Lastly, they all have only attempted one or two questions out of each week's tutorial, and they only aim to present those specific questions which they have attempted in order to obtain the CA%.

Does that make them bitches?

Just Another Day In School... #14

I was stuck in a laboratory class discussing the solutions to a tutorial. My next class was due in 10 minutes, and I had to be there early because there was a 20% CA to presenting your tutorial solutions.

Looking at my watch nervously, one student raises his hand to ask a personal question about the module, not related to the discussion at hand.

The lecturer (who was the tutor as well) senses that the student has a wrong idea in his mind, and starts to explain further and correct him.

So this idiot caused the class to be delayed. And he delayed me for my next class.

*****
You may ask, "Aiyah people innocent one what! Why you scold him!?"

Well, the idiot is in the same next class as me.

You may now ask, "Aiyah maybe he very zai one leh? Maybe he dowan the CA% marks lah!"

Okay, allow me to explain further...
*****

So when the class finally ended, with 2 minutes left to the new hour, I grabbed my bag and rushed out of the lab for the next class. I did a 100m rundown to the elevators (I was on the 6th floor of the building, and needed to go to the 4th floor).

At this point of time, I must admit that my 2.4km timing is under 9:45 mins.

I waited for about 30-45 seconds for the elevator, and when it finally came, I took the elevator to the 4th floor.

When the lift doors opened, I immediately resumed my run towards the next class. I made a right turn out of the elevator... lo and BEHOLD!

The IDIOT was running in front of me with his bag in hand! He took another route using the staircase!

*****
So what do you say now?
*****

I was seriously pissed when I saw that idiot running in front of me. I felt the blood boil in me, and wanted to shout at him and give him a good dressing-down.

Needless to say, I took another route, and reached the class a couple of few minutes before him.

I only have this single thing to say to this idiot: The next time you DARE to ask a stupid question, you better DARE to be late as well. Don't be a bloody idiot when you know that you will be late for the next class, and yet still want to ask questions and delay the class.

What the $%^&???

It was 3am in the still of the night.

Suddenly, a car alarm sounded downstairs of my flat in the carpark.

Looking out of the window, a tow truck was towing away a car that had its car alarm triggered. The tow car had it's lights and everything flashing, and the alarm sounding.

A dark sedan followed behind the tow truck and the towed car.

On The Bus... #16

Late afternoon, on the bus to school.

Bus driver looked to be in his early 50s. He was chugging the bus along the roads, slowly and surely.

After about 30 mins of slow chugging along the roads, a man in his late 40s or early 50s, ranted at the bus driver as he pulled out from the bus bay:

Man (in dialect): "HURRY UP! Quickly! Don't waste time already. Drive so slow... $%$#%#"

Driver (in dialect): "....if you are so good at it, get off from the bus and walk lah!"

And then the man kept quiet. They both looked damned pissed.

But frankly, the bus driver was driving along too slowly. All other vehicles on the road were overtaking the bus.

What happened thereafter, you ask? Well, the driver was so pissed he chugged the bus along even slower. The man had a sullen face and kept quiet in his seat.

Just Another Day In School...#13

A certain module required students to sign an attendance sheet during lecture, so that students can be graded for their attendance.

A non-local student signs the sheet, and immediately leaves via the back of the hall.

Just Another Day In School... #12

At a certain tutorial class, students were supposed to present at least two questions in order to obtain a participation grade. There were a limited number of questions for the semester, and the commodity of questions was highly valuable in classes that were large.

A non-local student finishes explaining his answer written on the board.

Lecturer: "So what's your name?" (so that he could mark down his name for participation)

Student: *Pretends to look at the class list, but couldn't find his name* "I'm not from this class."

Lecturer: *Surprised, and stops for a moment to think* "Can you send me an email later for this?"

--------------------
So what now? Bastard student can skip his class, and attend another class, MY class, and snatch a question for presentation?

In that case, I may as well go join *every single damned class* and snatch all their questions up. Then nobody else will have the chance to present, and obtain a grade.

Just Another Day In School... #11

At a lecture, the lecturer taught for a few short minutes, and then posed a question to the class.

The class kept quiet, so he pointed at a student sitting behind his laptop screen at the far end of the lecture hall, instructing him to answer his question.

The student kept quiet, and didn't answer.

Lecturer: "Are you listening to me behind your laptop?"

This time, the student spoke up, with a heavy Indian accent, "Yes I am. I didn't hear your question."

Lecturer: "Why don't you move foward to these few seats here so that you can hear me?" *and he points to the first 5 rows*

Student: "I am comfortable here."

Lecturer: "What did you say? Why don't you move forward since you can't hear me?"

Student: "I am very comfortable sitting here."

Lecturer: "..."

Just Another Day In School... #10

Another day in school, another lecture.

An empty row is available. I take a seat. My bag is placed on the neighbouring seat. Some other fellas fill in the row from the opposite end, right up to before my bag.

There are plenty of other seats available in the lecture hall.

Girl comes in halfway into the lecture, late. She walks to the row where I'm at, and saunters around up and down the row, her friends pointing this way and that way at empty seats at the other end.

She lingers in front of me, and I look up at her. I give in and remove my bag.

The girl sits down, and begins chattering away like a M2 .50 calibre machine gun.

Kind enough to offer a seat (I was not obliged; there were plenty other seats around), yet not kind enough to keep the bloody trap shut.

--------------------

The next time somebody asks me to remove my bag, I will ask "ARE YOU JUST SITTING DOWN, OR ARE YOU GOING TO CHAT WITH YOUR FRIEND THERE?"

No prizes for guessing what my response will be.

On The Bus... #15

There seems to be a growing trend of passengers who likes to press the bell just as the bus is 30m away from reaching the next stop.

There also seems to be a growing trend of passengers who have trigger-happy fingers, pressing the bell just as the bus is pulling out from the current stop. They intend to press the bell for the next stop.

For the first type of passengers, they are the ones whom you can tell a joke on Monday, and they'll laugh at it on that coming Wednesday.

For the second type of passengers, they are the ones who are already laughing when you are just about to tell a joke.

Sony Discman, Well, The D-FJ787

Yeah I own one of those sad pieces of crap ever devised by Sony.

It comes with a remote tuner with FM capabilities. What's the problem with it now? Well, in a nutshell:

- Pressing the buttons on the remote gives no response.
- Sometimes when there is a response, the RADIO button starts to playback my CD.
- Sometimes when there is a response, the CD button starts to playback my RADIO.
- Sometimes when there is a response, pressing the STOP button doesn't stop playback nor the radio.

So, with the warranty over, and scared off by Sony's $40 service charge + $15 cleaning fees (I bought this for $259), I went to dismantle the remote for the Sony CD Walkman D-FJ787...

Here's a picture of the front of the remote:

Opening up the inside of the remote, reveals a huge piece of copper film that covers nearly 90% of the PCB.

Closer inspection reveals that this copper film is used to connect some buttons across and over the PCB, without the need for wires and/or circuits on the PCB.

Given that the copper film is so huge, it seems that little thought was given to the design of the circuitry lay out. Mind you, I am only a typical layman with no knowledge of circuity design. But this, this is just so wrong...

Here's another picture of the second part of the remote. Wait... SECOND PART? Yes! It's a second piece, connected via the white connector to the first part you see in the picture above.

Again, it doesn't take a genius to comprehend that using a PCB-PCB connector gives a window of opportunity for the connector to become loose in the long run, leading to inherent problems.

This is again obviously a design fault.

Now look closely at this picture of the back of the second part of the remote, and compare it with the previous picture (the front of the second part). See that bit of shiny reflection in the picture?

Yes, you are correct, no prizes given, Sorry. That IS a piece of plastic that is wrapped around the WHOLE piece of the remote.

You: "What is that plastic for?"

Me: "I have no idea.... wait.. hmm... OH! It seems like the plastic wrapping is there to prevent the second part of the remote from shorting with the first part of the remote! Remember? The SUPER BIG piece of copper film?"

Again, another obvious design fault.

And here is a picture of the remote with its cover off, showing how the remote looks like when pieced together:


Upon closer inspection of the remote, I see a sneakily familiar logo on the PCB:

Yes... yes... that looks like the Wearnes Logo!

If you didn't know, Wearnes made CD-ROM optical drives for the PC market about 10 years ago. Their drives weren't the best out there, and in fact, they were the best in the worst rankings.

I had thought they went bust after they disappeared from the optical drives markey all of a sudden without reason. But I wasn't surprised when they did the Houdini act.

Now they've made their appearance again, and in a Sony product.

That explains it all. No more Sony for me, and never Wearnes.

Sony D-FJ787. Damned-Fucked-up Job Number 787.

Just Another Day In School... #9

30th January (Monday) was a holiday. The lecturer instructed all students from Monday's lab class to attend either Thursday or Friday's lab classes.

I went to my original class on Thursday.

Upon entering the laboratory, I realised that two other fellas and me (that makes for three of us), did not have seats in the labs because for some "strange reason", the laboratory class was full.

The tutor remembered the lecturer's instructions, and asked "Who is not from today's (Thursday) class?"

One sneaky-looking non-local fella had been sitting there quite comfortably for quite some time, behaving just like anybody else, raised his hand.

The tutor then asked him, "You are from Monday's class?"

Sneaky-pants says, "No. I'm from Friday's class."

No sense of shame, no sense of common sense.

What is WRONG with you? You bloody moron! Do you think that you have the right of way just because you are what you are?

On The Bus... #14

Another day, another trip back home from school.

Bus is packed full, unusually full. Bus driver stops at the bus-stop, refuses to open the front door. He only opens the rear exit for passengers to alight.

Rowdy bunch of Caucasians and a couple of Indian women tries to board the bus from the exit.

I was standing near the entrance, with my friend right at the entrance. I exclaimed to my friend, "Sui wor (dialect for "Nice", in a sarcastic tone of course), boarding from the exit!"

I suppose the bus driver heard my exclamation, for he stood up and turned around and started shouting at the "illegal passengers" who tried to board from the exit.

They reluctantly alighted from the bus, and made their way to the entrance.

Stupid bunch of ill-mannered people.

PS: This is Singapore, not some developing country where you can get a ride so long as you can attach yourself to any part of the bus. The next time you smart alecks want to try boarding from the exit, don't try to tap your stupid cards at the exit machine, because you will just alert the driver and the rest of the passengers on the bus, that you're an ill-mannered moron.

Just Another Day In School... #8

Another day in school, another lecture.

A girl comes in, dressed to the nines. She has her hair dyed reddish brown. She sits down.

A few moments later, she starts scratching her head like there's lices in there.

***** One hour later *****

An ominous "PuUUuuuuuuuu" comes out from her direction.

She speaks with a weird accent.

Advertisements And What They Mean Actually... (Part 2)

#3: On a certain English radio channel

You are enjoying the music on your favourite English channel, and then this advertisement cuts over:

Woman 1: "I want to catch dramas and shows before anyone else."

Man 1: "I want to enjoy commercial free movies."

Girl 1: "I wanna make my own short films."

Man 2: "(Sighs)... I just want to satisfy all that I want."

Voice: "Sign up for YYY's Digital Cable TV!"

What in the @#$@@#$^^ world has "making your own short films" have to do with signing up for cable television channels? I don't see the connection here.

If there is indeed a connection here, I think the below advertisements would all qualify as well:

Proposition One:
Woman: "I like baking cakes."
Voice: "Come to XXX Cakery! Our cakes are delicious!"

Proposition Two:
Man: "I love teaching kids how to play soccer."
Voice: "Get your tickets now for the XXX Cup Finals where YYY will pit against ZZZ!"

Proposition Three:
Man: "I love making homemade beer."
Voice: "Buy a six-pack of TTT Genuine Beer and get 1 can free!"

I never did see the connection. I really never did.

On a side note, Man 2 is probably lying as well. There are no adult cable channels over here in Singapore, so how can he ever possibly claim that YYY's Digital Cable TV satisifies all that he wants?

There is no man in this world that can claim that he has all that he wants, when there are no adult channels showing on local (cable) television at all.

Yeap, the man's gay, or paid. Or, he's straight, which is why he sighed so heavily before commenting sarcastically.

i-Gallop or Sybian?

Surfing over to the US website of OSIM, http://www.osim-usa.com/main.html , you see no mention of the newest product of OSIM, i-Gallop.

Googling around, it seems that the i-Gallop is only available in Singapore and Hong Kong. I suppose there's plenty of lonely housewifes in their late 30s all the way to late 40s.

Here's an online news article based on the product, courtesy of AsiaOne:

http://health.asiaone.com.sg/fitness/20060115_001.html

I quote from the article:

"Madam Irene Go, 40, a housewife, likens the experience to 'riding a horse, except that the movement is smoother'."

Now here's an article about masturbation, courtesy of Reference.com:

http://www.reference.com/browse/wiki/Masturbation

I quote from the article (in case you don't have the time to read it):

"This continued well into Victorian Era, where such medical censure of masturbation... in line with the widespread social conservatism...

... and for girls to be forbidden from riding horses and bicycles because the sensations these activities produce were considered to be too similar to masturbation."

Now we all know where Madam Irene Go is coming (cumming?) from.

To put things on a lighter note, here's another link, from Wikipedia that describes the "Sybian", a product that first made its appearance in 1985:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybian

No need for explanations, just click and you'll see which product is the real McCoy.

Then again, it might be because they have the Sybian in the non-Asian countries, so this is a way of introducing something more in line with the conversative attitude adopted by Asian housewifes.

Note: If in the event that the involved parties mentioned in the above URLs, or the context used throughout this blog entry, is unhappy in any way or if there is a violation of copyrights or trademarks, just drop a comment in this blog entry.

I will have the relevant information removed, no questions asked.

Just Another Day In School... #7

First we had the folks who wanted to rent textbooks; a far-fetched idea, but not a ridiculous idea actually. Now we have this:

I have no idea what she is trying to do.

Pimples...

Ever noticed that when you're sitting down doing something, and your fingers wander across your face looking for zits to pop, you suddenly find this "gold mine" that gushes gold aplenty?

You stop suddenly, and run to get your mirror.

And when you're in front of the mirror, you lose the gold mine.

It always happens.

Coins...

Have you ever noticed that the 1997 batch of coins seem to be pretty new for their age, even compared to coins issued of a later year?

When You're A Guy In Your Mid-20s...

1. That kid blocking your way deliberately in the middle of the road stares at you when you tell him to get out of the way.

2. You have to let the old lady who tries to cut your queue go before you, otherwise you're gonna get it from the people around you as a "young man who has no respect for the elders".

3. You have to let the bitchy bitch who queues up to a closed counter at your neighbourhood MacDonald's go first. You started queuing five full minutes before her.

Note: You might say, "Five minutes only leh! Why you comprain so much?"

Ok, now YOU go to your nearest MacDonald's, stand somewhere out of the way, then start your watch and wait until it says 5"00"00.

Think it's short? Think again. How many times did you change legs to stand on during that 5 full minutes?

4. You are expected to give up your seat to elderly folks who behave brazenly on the public bus or train.

5. You have to be shoved aside by an old lady on the bus who keep mumbling the few words, "...blocking my way... have to get off here... @#$$$#@^^# (curses and swear-words).

The point is, you are already standing soOOOooooo close to the seats and the handle bars of the bus, that you might anytime be misinterpreted as doing a pole-dance on the bus.

In short, there is actually nobody blocking the old bitch's way, yet she has to stick out her hand to shove the young man (not me!) out some more (into the sitting passenger), cursing and swearing.

New Year Wishes

Well, better late (by 4 days) than never. Here's my wishes for the New Year:

1. Kids running around in public places while making a hell lotta noise, should be put on leashes.

Only quiet kids may be allowed to roam without a leash, else they will be shot on the spot by security forces, on the charge of "I thought the kid was screaming like those terrorists that run into people with strapped bombs on their bodies!!! So I shot him down!"

2. That there will be no kayu-ness (corruption/stupidity) in enrolment of students into local universities.

Mandatory English examinations to be conducted for all students who do not have a good grade in GP (General Paper).

The examiners must stop letting these students enrol into local universities without sitting for the examination.

Note: Oh wait?! Did you say that they DID take their English entry examinations? So what is it with the large number of non-local university students who cannot even hold a proper English conversation! How the hell did they pass the examinations then??? ANSWER ME!!!

3. Bus companies will not lie and cheat to the commuters anymore.

Scenario:
There are 3 bus services serving a bus stop:

Bus Service A is advertised by the company as having a frequency of 17 minutes.
Bus Service B is advertised with a frequency of 14-18 minutes.
Bus Service C is advertised with a frequency of 10-13 minutes.

Question:
What is the probability of YOU waiting at the bus stop for 25 minutes, with not a single bus driving by during that 25 minutes?

Answer:
Theoretically speaking from a mathematical point of view, together with statistical analysis, the probability should be 0 (zero).

Counting the fact that it was not only a single bus service (the single bus may have broken down, constituting twice the time waited, OK ACCEPTED). But 3 bus services! I can guarantee with my pants and my family heirloom that the probability is > 0.

Stop lying already, you liars! Fare hikes are justified, yet the same f-up standard of bus service? My foot!

Note: Here's a great idea: Since they can have an "auto-updating of fare stages" system, it would be fair to make it a time-keeping system as well.

If the bus driver pulls into the bus stop out of the advertised bus frequency timing, the EZ-Link readers will be DI DI DI DI DI-ing non-stop at a sound level of 110dB into a personal earphone hooked up into one of the ears of the bus driver.

Oh yeah, and make the bus ride free as well by including the snippet of code into the EZ-Link card readers as well:

if (bus pulls in > advertised frequency timing)
bus ride = free;

4. In Singapore, it is legal to kill a crow, and not be charged for animal abuse.

Well, that's not really a wish. I propose this law be extended to include non-native conmen.

So, make it legal to kill a non-native conmen, and not be charged for murder.

Think of it as ridding the Singapore society from a public nuisance.

You know their tricks, you know what they're thinking, all they want is your money.

"Okay, I'll give you my money, now I'll take your life, you low-down filthy animal!"

5. Have tourists go through an etiquette course before landing into Singapore.

Don't believe me? Take a look around you, just head towards any tourist spot in Singapore, e.g, Zoo, Bird Park, Sentosa, etcetra.

Here's just the tip of the iceberg on what you might get to see:

a.) Albino tourists going to Sentosa, and falling sick all over the place. They sit down in a single chair, and still try to lean over to YOUR chair, because they are falling sick all over the place. Wearing sunglasses and covering their faces and eyes from the Sun, they fall sick all over the place.

HELLO??!! It's SENTOSA right? What the HELL are you doing here? Stay in your hotel for goodness' sake, or go to some indoor shopping mall where the sun won't parch your already-diseased skin.

Don't go running to places like Sentosa where you know for sure the sun is going to be scorching hot, and then falling sick all over the place. Your tour guide did tell you that, or did you refuse to listen?

b.) Little bastard kids chattering in a tongue you never understood, and standing up at the front row seats to some performance at your favourite tourist attraction.

They're blocking your view!

Shouting at them gives no response; they're all walking dead, the damned bunch of them zombies.

c.) You go into the performance area and find a seat. The show's going to be popular, and you're there 45 mins early.

You find yourself a seat luckily, because even at that sort of time, there is already a light crowd. Your seats give you the best view (luckily), and you feel relaxed, enjoying the view around you at the tourist attraction...

Just 5 minutes before performance showtime, you see a HUGE INFLUX of tourists into the performance area.

They sidle up next to you, and then you're being herded by the seat attendent to "squeeze a little" so that they can fit in 15 of the weird-smelling tourists into the bench that was originally for 10.

Note: This is Singapore, where kiasu-ness is part of the local culture. You have to "adapt to the local culture", as the Chinese saying goes. Go for the performance an hour earlier if you want to outdo the locals at the game.

If you're late and there's no seat left already, BUGGER OFF. Don't come running in late, and then demanding to have a seat so that you can watch the bloody performance.

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Happy 2006 to all!!! Cheers!