If I Were An Examination Invigilator...

I would:

1. apprehend the student who flips over the examination script and starts reading, despite haven't being told to do so.

2. apprehend the student who turns around and starts talking to his friend when his/her answer script is still on the table.

3. apprehend the student fiddling with his/her mobile phone right after the examiner calls to conclude the examination.

I wouldn't:
1. allow any shithole or butthead wearing jackets emanating any form of weird odour from entering the examination hall (that smelt like it hadn't been washed for months or even years. Sounds familiar?).

2. allow any idiot with legs too long to start kicking the candidate's chair in front.

3. allow any idiot to utter weird animal sounds in the midst of the examination hall.

All violators should be shot on sight, have their scripts torn up, and their bodies dragged out of the examination hall on charges of attempting to cheat, or disruption of the examination in progress.

Just Another Day In School... #20

Another day, another examination paper to take.

Lecturer announces that the time is up, and for all students to stop writing.

So everybody stops.

One non-local student whips out his handphone, and furiously begins keying away into his phone. Needless to say, there wasn't any invigilators near him. Also, his answer script was still on his table.

I should've yelled out there and then for somebody to apprehend the cheater, for who is to say that nobody behind was not writing still (and in league with the cheater)?

What is WRONG with these (non-local) people?

Fear Factor! (Singaporean Style)

Here are some thoughts for Fear Factor Singapore, should they ever copy it over from America, just like Singapore Idol.

Thought 1
Items Required:

• A theatre full of kids below the age of 12
• All the popcorn, candy, and drinks for the kids
• Theatre is to play the movie "Ice Age 2" or just any other cartoon film
• No adults to be present in the theatre, except for the contestant

How?

1. Contestant will attempt to sit in the theatre throughout the movie, and finish watching it without leaving the theatre mid-way, or opening his/her mouth to speak to (or shout at) anybody.

Prize:

A year's supply of movie passes to all premieres of cartoon films.

Thought 2
Items Required:

• An SBS Bus
• A platoon (that's around 50 or so) of middle-aged aunties just done with their grocery shopping

How?

1. Contestant is to be the only odd one out on the bus (with the exception of the bus driver).
2. Aunties will start on the bus with contestant from the interchange.
3. Contestant must survive the ride and alight only at the terminating bus interchange.
4. Contestant is not allowed to get off the bus halfway.

Prize:

A concession pass for free bus rides, valid for a year, on selected bus routes that ply along wet fish markets and supermarkets.

Thought 3
Items Required:

• A straw
• A person with plenty of pimples

How?

1. Stick the straw over any of the pimples of the person-with-plenty-of-pimples.
2. Contestant will attempt to suck on the straw hard.

Prize:

$5 for each successful pimple sucked.

Would you dare take up the challenge???

Just Another Day In School... #19 or Those Darned Teabags

Another day in school...

A short walk to the water cooler to fill up my drinking bottle, and I see a teabag stuck in the drainage system of the water cooler...

A trip to the toilet later, and I tore some toilet paper to dry my hands after washing them. Stepping on the pedal of the wastepaper basket, it opens up... to a basket full of tea leaves.

I go back to where I was seated, resuming my work. Looking up while pondering over my work... a teabag is stuck to the ceiling.

No prizes again, sorry, for guessing who left them there.

Mercenary Girls...

Case 1:

A girl asked to join my project group, as she was weak in the subject.

I declined politely, as I was not the leader of the group.

She never spoke to me ever since.

Case 2:

A girl asked for one of my tutorials for reference. I agreed.

A few days later, she told me to simply just bring all my tutorials for her.

I declined politely.

A few days later, we spoke again. Her first line, was a demand for my answers to a graded assignment.

No "Hello! How have you been..." or "How's your day" or any of those sort of polite greetings when you're trying to ask a favour from someone. Just a direct request for me to give her my answers to the assignment.

Naturally, I declined.

No other topic ever crossed our conversations that was not a request for work.

Note: As much as they were both lookers, their mercenary behaviour was the least impressive.

!@#$%^&

If you see a couple of men wearing white shirts and black trousers with leather shoes, coupled with black slingbags and a tie, be careful.

If you see their shirt pocket with a little black nametag with their names etched in gold, be very careful.

If you can read that the nametags begin with "Brother xxx", be extremely careful.

Get ready to get out of their way when they approach you on the streets, be it when you're walking, or on the bus, or on the train.

Be paranoid. Run!