There are two ways to make heads turn on the road:
Method #1
Create an accident.
Drivers will slow down and turn their heads. Some may even roll down their windows to have a better look.
Method #2
This only works if you are a woman.
Grow some long hair and perm it with long curls.
Wear a red blouse, preferably made of silk or satin. Pair it off with a black skirt that hugs the ass so that the end result is a near-perfect hourglass figure.
Stand beside the road like you're waiting for a taxi or something.
Drivers will slow down and turn their heads.
I swear this works because I have witnessed it firsthand.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Wow!
First we have self-help motivational speakers telling you how to get-rich-quick.
Then we have self-help nutritionists telling you how to slim down fast.
Now, I present the ultimate self-help product that's one-of-a-kind (at least, for now)...
Sunday, March 16, 2008
What Do You Do?
There are 5 scenarios presented below:
Scenario A
You treat your friend to a meal.
Your friend doesn't finish even half of the food ordered, saying that the food is disgusting.
Scenario B
You offer to pay for some stuff together with your stuff when you two go out buying some stuff. The money's not a lot - maybe less than $10 or so.
You think that (on good faith) your friend will return you the money soon, but somehow the issue of returning your money just seems to be the last priority for your friend, even a few weeks down the road.
Until it seems like you have to remind your friend constantly (like a loanshark) so that you can have your money back.
Scenario C
You go overseas for a short trip, and you think of buying some small items for your friend. You end up buying some local delicacy which should be pretty good enough as a gift for your friend.
So you bring it back and gives it to your friend. Your friend thanks you for the food.
Nothing else happens thereafter.
Scenario D
You meet your friend for drinks, and you offer to pay for the drinks for your friend. Your friend says the next meal/drink will be a treat to you in return.
The next meal/drink comes along. It never happens.
Scenario E
The above 4 scenarios refer to a single friend.
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What do you do when you are faced with the above scenarios?
Scenario A
You treat your friend to a meal.
Your friend doesn't finish even half of the food ordered, saying that the food is disgusting.
Scenario B
You offer to pay for some stuff together with your stuff when you two go out buying some stuff. The money's not a lot - maybe less than $10 or so.
You think that (on good faith) your friend will return you the money soon, but somehow the issue of returning your money just seems to be the last priority for your friend, even a few weeks down the road.
Until it seems like you have to remind your friend constantly (like a loanshark) so that you can have your money back.
Scenario C
You go overseas for a short trip, and you think of buying some small items for your friend. You end up buying some local delicacy which should be pretty good enough as a gift for your friend.
So you bring it back and gives it to your friend. Your friend thanks you for the food.
Nothing else happens thereafter.
Scenario D
You meet your friend for drinks, and you offer to pay for the drinks for your friend. Your friend says the next meal/drink will be a treat to you in return.
The next meal/drink comes along. It never happens.
Scenario E
The above 4 scenarios refer to a single friend.
--------------------------------------------------
What do you do when you are faced with the above scenarios?
On The Bus #29... or The Auntie Bus Driver
Boarded a bus; the driver was a woman in her mid-40s.
Bus pulls into a bus stop a few stops down the road. Two women board the bus, asking for directions to go to Location X.
The bus driver gives the two women the directions to their destination. They were on the wrong side of the road (they should've boarded a bus from the bus stop opposite the road).
The two women gets off the bus, intending to cross the road to the bus stop opposite the road.
The bus driver holds them back, telling them that she will drive them to the next bus stop, from which the bus-stop opposite would be closer to walk to compared to the one opposite the current stop. The bus stop opposite the current stop was blocked by construction works, hence requiring a detour.
The two women stay on the bus beside the bus driver's seat.
Red light comes on at the next junction, and a conversation springs up between them, just like one from your local wet market.
The two women didn't pay for the one-stop ride, naturally. :)
Bus pulls into a bus stop a few stops down the road. Two women board the bus, asking for directions to go to Location X.
The bus driver gives the two women the directions to their destination. They were on the wrong side of the road (they should've boarded a bus from the bus stop opposite the road).
The two women gets off the bus, intending to cross the road to the bus stop opposite the road.
The bus driver holds them back, telling them that she will drive them to the next bus stop, from which the bus-stop opposite would be closer to walk to compared to the one opposite the current stop. The bus stop opposite the current stop was blocked by construction works, hence requiring a detour.
The two women stay on the bus beside the bus driver's seat.
Red light comes on at the next junction, and a conversation springs up between them, just like one from your local wet market.
The two women didn't pay for the one-stop ride, naturally. :)
Monday, March 03, 2008
Categories of... Bus Passengers
This was taken from some other place, so I decided to replicate this here in it's full content because the other site is no longer available:
1. The "Where shall I sit? Will it be here? Or maybe that seat over there? Or actually, wait... I think I better sit in that empty seat I just passed by..." Passenger
This category of passenger gets onto the bus, and shuffles their feet along the bus slowly, trying to find the most optimum seat for themselves as it they are making a marriage decision. The passengers behind are usually doing the coconut tree dance, trying to see why there is a delay in front.
Worst case is when these passengers make a U-turn to squeeze back past the crowd to get back at that empty seat they just walked past, causing the incoming flow of boarding passengers to be stopped temporarily.
2. The "I must wait until the bus stops completely and the bus captain opens the door before I can get up and start moving to the door" Passenger
This category of passenger causes massive delays at the bus stop they drop off at. The problem is made worse when there are more than one of these passengers alighting at the same bus stop. The passengers belonging to this category are almost always the ones who are seated.
While some may argue that "the bus is so full that I don't even have space to stand up" or "what if I fall down? the bus captain driving skills are so bad!", the truth is that they are just too darned lazy and comfortable in their seats to make the effort to move towards the exit beforehand.
If laziness is not the real reason, think about this: Why don't we see standing passengers moving towards the exit at the last minute? The fact that only seated passengers come under this category, already explains the reason why.
3. The "I must hide my ez-link card in some obscure position on me, then wait until last minute when I reach the exit, then I start patting my body and looking for my card in my bag" Passenger
This category of passenger also causes delays at bus-stops. The reason to why this is happening is also not known.
Sometimes these passengers also attempt to hide their cards in their big bags, and try to tap their cards in various positions at the card reader like a doctor using a stethoscope on a patient.
This type of passengers usually refuse to carry the cards in their hands, or put it in an easily-accessible pocket on their clothings or bags. They cause delays of at least 10 seconds guaranteed, regardless of any bus they take. This 10 seconds usually translates to a red light at the next junction, snowballing the waiting time for passengers at the next bus stop to a few minutes, which then snowballs again...
Combine with Category 2 passengers for maximum combo effect in delays to waiting time.
4. The "I must flag the bus at the last minute only when the bus is 20m away from the bus stop" or "I must press the bell at the last minute only when the bus is 20m away from the bus stop" Passenger
These passengers cause the bus captain to panic and swerve in and out of traffic dangerously.
Don't stop for the passenger? Get complained against by that single passenger for refusing to stop for passengers when the bus is not full yet.
Stop for the passenger? Get complained by the passengers on the bus for "dangerous driving".
The bus captain is at a losing end all the time.
The reasons why these passengers exist is really much unknown still, but it is obvious that they cause delays also.
5. The "I already flagged the bus from 50m away and the bus has already stopped for me, so I must catwalk slowly for the distance remaining to board the bus" Passenger
Again, this category of passenger causes delays also, sometimes as much as 30 seconds while everybody on the bus waits for that single person to walk slowly to board the bus.
These people assume that the bus captain stopping for them is a godsend; thus they must treasure the moment and feel like they are the king or queen for that 10 seconds of fame. Also, they feel that since the bus has already stopped for them, there is really no reason for them to jog or run up to the bus as quickly as possible.
And no, we are not talking about the elderly with weak legs or people using crutches.
6. The "My friend is sitting at the front of the bus so I must stand beside my friend and talk to my friend" Passenger
This category of passenger also causes massive delays, when other passengers board the bus, because the way to the big empty space at the rear of the bus is blocked by them.
This Category 6 passenger usually carries a big bag to make the problem worst. Other passengers have to slowly maneuver around the bag, adding to delays in waiting time due to the bottleneck created along the aisles of the bus.
--------------------------------------------------
Do YOU belong to any of the above cateogry of passenger? If yes, please leave me a comment. Oh, and also, please don't start to flame me by saying "stop being such a king - so full of yourself".
My answer is this: I have never had the luck to become any of the above 6 categories of bus passenger ever before. If you sit down, take a deep breath and count to 10 (because you're feeling insulted as I have described YOU perfectly), and think again - it doesn't take much effort to not be categorized under any of the above 6 categories.
1. The "Where shall I sit? Will it be here? Or maybe that seat over there? Or actually, wait... I think I better sit in that empty seat I just passed by..." Passenger
This category of passenger gets onto the bus, and shuffles their feet along the bus slowly, trying to find the most optimum seat for themselves as it they are making a marriage decision. The passengers behind are usually doing the coconut tree dance, trying to see why there is a delay in front.
Worst case is when these passengers make a U-turn to squeeze back past the crowd to get back at that empty seat they just walked past, causing the incoming flow of boarding passengers to be stopped temporarily.
2. The "I must wait until the bus stops completely and the bus captain opens the door before I can get up and start moving to the door" Passenger
This category of passenger causes massive delays at the bus stop they drop off at. The problem is made worse when there are more than one of these passengers alighting at the same bus stop. The passengers belonging to this category are almost always the ones who are seated.
While some may argue that "the bus is so full that I don't even have space to stand up" or "what if I fall down? the bus captain driving skills are so bad!", the truth is that they are just too darned lazy and comfortable in their seats to make the effort to move towards the exit beforehand.
If laziness is not the real reason, think about this: Why don't we see standing passengers moving towards the exit at the last minute? The fact that only seated passengers come under this category, already explains the reason why.
3. The "I must hide my ez-link card in some obscure position on me, then wait until last minute when I reach the exit, then I start patting my body and looking for my card in my bag" Passenger
This category of passenger also causes delays at bus-stops. The reason to why this is happening is also not known.
Sometimes these passengers also attempt to hide their cards in their big bags, and try to tap their cards in various positions at the card reader like a doctor using a stethoscope on a patient.
This type of passengers usually refuse to carry the cards in their hands, or put it in an easily-accessible pocket on their clothings or bags. They cause delays of at least 10 seconds guaranteed, regardless of any bus they take. This 10 seconds usually translates to a red light at the next junction, snowballing the waiting time for passengers at the next bus stop to a few minutes, which then snowballs again...
Combine with Category 2 passengers for maximum combo effect in delays to waiting time.
4. The "I must flag the bus at the last minute only when the bus is 20m away from the bus stop" or "I must press the bell at the last minute only when the bus is 20m away from the bus stop" Passenger
These passengers cause the bus captain to panic and swerve in and out of traffic dangerously.
Don't stop for the passenger? Get complained against by that single passenger for refusing to stop for passengers when the bus is not full yet.
Stop for the passenger? Get complained by the passengers on the bus for "dangerous driving".
The bus captain is at a losing end all the time.
The reasons why these passengers exist is really much unknown still, but it is obvious that they cause delays also.
5. The "I already flagged the bus from 50m away and the bus has already stopped for me, so I must catwalk slowly for the distance remaining to board the bus" Passenger
Again, this category of passenger causes delays also, sometimes as much as 30 seconds while everybody on the bus waits for that single person to walk slowly to board the bus.
These people assume that the bus captain stopping for them is a godsend; thus they must treasure the moment and feel like they are the king or queen for that 10 seconds of fame. Also, they feel that since the bus has already stopped for them, there is really no reason for them to jog or run up to the bus as quickly as possible.
And no, we are not talking about the elderly with weak legs or people using crutches.
6. The "My friend is sitting at the front of the bus so I must stand beside my friend and talk to my friend" Passenger
This category of passenger also causes massive delays, when other passengers board the bus, because the way to the big empty space at the rear of the bus is blocked by them.
This Category 6 passenger usually carries a big bag to make the problem worst. Other passengers have to slowly maneuver around the bag, adding to delays in waiting time due to the bottleneck created along the aisles of the bus.
--------------------------------------------------
Do YOU belong to any of the above cateogry of passenger? If yes, please leave me a comment. Oh, and also, please don't start to flame me by saying "stop being such a king - so full of yourself".
My answer is this: I have never had the luck to become any of the above 6 categories of bus passenger ever before. If you sit down, take a deep breath and count to 10 (because you're feeling insulted as I have described YOU perfectly), and think again - it doesn't take much effort to not be categorized under any of the above 6 categories.
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