Infinite Monkey Theorem

It is hypothesized that if you have an infinite number of monkeys, each matched to a computer with a keyboard in front of it, and you let them whack away at the keyboards, there is certainly a possibility for at least one monkey who will be able to press the correct combination of keys that results in something legible, like Shakespeare's list of complete works.

Or that report which you handed in to your boss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem

Just Another Day In School... #21

Another evening in school before a night lecture.

So there was this queue at a food stall, and there were 3 girls in front of me. It was 1755hrs on the watch, and the stall was fast running out of food. Sometimes, people would step up to look at what's left in the counter before queueing up.

And that was what this Chinese national student did when he came. He took a very long look at the food, with the 3 girls and me in the queue. He did this until there was only 1 girl left in front of me.

And then he tried to step in to order food when it was the girl's turn.

The girl side-stepped him and cut him off to place her order. She obviously knew what was up his sleeve.

My turn. I had been looking at him all the time, and the bastard stepped up and started to place his order. I shouted, "喂，不用排队啊？" (translated to English as "Hey, you don't have to queue is it?"). I didn't want to waste time repeating myself just because he didn't understand my English, if I had shouted at him in English.

The bastard turned at looked at me, giving me a pretentious "blur" face like he didn't know what was going on. By that time, there a few other guys behind me looking at the commotion already.

The bastard kept quiet, realising his cover was blown, and went behind to queue.

I proceeded to place my order.

PS: This was the second time it happened to me, except that I wasn't wide-awake during the first occasion, and I just let it go.

On The Bus #22... and The Invasion Of The WTF@#$%!!! People

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 1 (On the bus)

So the bell rang when somebody pressed the bell. The bus pulled into the stop, and I was seated beside the exit. I was wondering why there was nobody making their way towards the exit.

The doors opened.

An Indian woman in front turned behind after the doors opened. Her Indian husband was standing in the standing area on the bus, holding onto their baby in a pram. The woman shook her head in the usual style, and only then started to get up and move towards the exit. The man turned the pram around and made his way towards the door too.

An elderly Indian woman (presumably the grandmother) carrying a baby started to make her way to the exit as well.

Everybody watched on as they slowly inched over to the exit.

Comments: WTF#$%^&!!! Do you want a fucking red carpet to go along with that? If I were the driver, I would've closed the doors upon seeing nobody at the exit when the doors opened. Get off the next stop man. Or even better, don't get off at all and waste every other passengers' time.


WTF#$%^&!!! Number 2 (At the ATMs)

And so I needed to make a cash deposit, and I arrived at the machines. The people were standing as depicted in the above picture. I stopped for a moment when I saw the WTF#$%^& Man. Thinking he wasn't in the queue, I stepped in as depicted by the dotted arrow and cross.

I stood there for at least a full 30 seconds. Nothing happened. The woman in front was still in the midst of her transaction.

Then the woman left the queue, and I stepped up to make my transaction.

WTF#$%^& Man: Hey boss.

I turned around.

WTF#$%^& Man: I was here first OK.

Me: Orh.

I stepped aside for him to go first, and then added in, "How was I to know, you're standing so far away."

WTF#$%^& Man: There's people walking on the pavement so I queue here. And then you came in to cut queue.

I didn't reply, although I would've liked to say "Why don't you stand on the fucking grass then, since it's pavement all around here where people walk." This would've definitely resulted in either of two persons to be beaten down in cold blood on the cold, cold pavement.

Where people walked.

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 3 (At the lift)

This man was standing right beside the lift doors, waiting for the lift. I walked up and stood behind him (diagonally) as the lifts approached ground floor.

A couple came out of the lift, one of them carrying a baby. The man didn't hold the door, and stepped in after they stepped out.

Bad feeling, I thought. With one foot on the edge of the concrete floor and the floor of the lift, the robotic voice said "Doors closing". I shot out my fist to punch the doors open.

Stupid WTF#$%^& Number 3 Man was standing in the fucking doorway, pressing for "4", and blocking half the fucking doorway.

I squeezed past him after the doors were punched open.

He was carrying a bag filled with Guinness Stout beer.

Expiry Dates

A good friend is one where you are still in touch at the age of 70 (assuming both of you are still alive).

A bad friend has many definitions.

A bad friend is defined as one who defines you as having an expiry date.

Young Punk: Money No Enough

There was this young punk queuing up at the TransitLink Ticket Office.

Punk: "Can I take out the money from this (EZ-Link) card?"

Woman: "Yes sure... you mean refund it?"

Punk: "Yeah."

Woman: "OK."

*After a few moments*

Woman: "I give you all the money in the card, but I gotta take back the card, OK?"

Punk: "Uh, can I take out some money from the card only, and you give me back the card?"

Woman: "Sorry, no."

The punk then leaves the ticket office

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Moral #1 of the story: An EZ-Link card, is NOT an ATM card.

Moral #2 of the story: If you don't have the moolah to hit the streets, go back home and stay home. Don't clutter up the streets.

Can means can, cannot means cannot, don't talk so much cock

What the hell is "tu"? I only know that it means "taking your own time" in dialect.

What the hell is "re chi"? I only know it's 热吃. And what the FUCK is that? Makes no sense to me.

And what's with the stereotyping of Chinese old women? "Thus, Chinese grannies...": So you're making a statement? It's a known fact? It sounds like your grand "Theory of Chinese Grannies who prepare 'cooling' herbal concoctions".

If you are not good in your hanyu pinyin, just shut the fuck up. That goes the same for you, whoever reviewed this letter for publication.

First things you'll (probably) notice about the embassies in Singapore

The Chinese Embassy

Trees are grown all over the perimeter of the compound, such that you see nothing at all beyond the trees.

Even the gate facing the main road, is only as wide as a man's shoulder. The gate is brown (seemingly in a planked-up design). A guard stands in that open gate, filling in the gap, so that you still see nothing at all beyond him.

The British High Commission

It has barricades behind its main gates.

You can see through the metal gate, but the view is limited by the high walls surround the compound.

The Embassy of the United States of America

Well, the first thing you'll notice is the flag of America flying in a prominent position.

The nation's symbol (the Bald Eagle) is just behind the flag (if i remember correctly).

The Royal Thai Embassy

The fence surrouding the Royal Thai Embassy is black and low (a little bit taller than a man). Looking inside, you can see all the way inside, up to the main building of the embassy.

It is in clear view to all the passer-bys.