How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #10

To survive in the real world, there are two most important skills you must pick up:

1.) The Art of Holding Balls

2.) Playing with Politics

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #9

Check the dispenser for the toilet paper before you drop your pants.

You're gonna be in big trouble if you drop your pants and realise the dispenser has no paper left.

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #8

Learn Taijiquan.

More information can be found here: http://www.google.com.sg/search?hl=en&q=taijiquan&spell=1 , courtesy of Google Search Engine.

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #7

Growth Rate of Productivity = 1/3(Effort) + Strategy

Some of you might find this familiar; it's similar to the Growth Accounting Formula if you have studied economics. I realised that this formula actually relates very well to the real world and our lives.

First off, "productivity" refers to the progress of your work. The growth rate of productivity simply means the rate with which you are progressing.

"Effort" here, just means the hard work that you put in into the job. It's given a one-third coefficient because for every 100% of effort you put in, only 33% will actually materialise in the form of progress, whether you are working on a project, an assignment, or just studying or doing revisions.

"Strategy" here, refers to the approach that you take towards getting the job done. 100% of it, the full effect, will be felt on the final rate of progress that you make.

Feel free to adopt any of the previous rules that I have mentioned to make up the "Strategy" portion in getting the job done. Or, if you have any better ideas that I have left out (or haven't included), just let me know by dropping a comment. :)

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #6

Backstab.

Sabotage, espionage, disruptions, prevention. Do whatever it takes. A successful backstab can lead to a domino effect, which leaves your opponent on the ground, while you'd be on your way off sprinting to the finish line.

Slow and steady wins the race? Think again. That only happens in the ideal world.

In the real world, it only takes a backstabbing tortoise to win the hare.

More on this later...

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #5

Act blur when the situation calls for it.

Sun Tzu's Art of War says, "Know thy enemy, and know thyself. In a hundred battles you will never be in peril." In most cases, we are unable to know our enemies thoroughly. Afterall, an enemy is an enemy, not a friend. Most of us just do not have any espionage capabilities or surveillence equipment at our disposal.

So, look at it from the other side of the coin: If you cannot "know thy enemy", don't let them know anything about you. Act blur. Always. All the time. Everytime.

This rule, when used in conjunction with Rule #4 (I don't know), gives the maximum optimal results.

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #4

The three words, "I DON'T KNOW" is a very powerful sentence. Just these three words alone possess the ability to piss somebody off big time, to turn somebody off (from ever wanting to speak to you ever again), or just to push all the blame to somebody else (anybody else BUT you):

When somebody approaches you for help:
Friend: "Hey could you help me out..."
You: "I don't know how."

Friend: "Do you know how to get this..."
You: "I don't know."

Your friend, by now (if he/she is still a friend), would probably be darned pissed, and will not ever consider talking to you ever again.

When being accused of something:
X: "HEY!! Why did you..."
You: "I don't know!"

X: "How did things turn out like this???!!!"
You: "I don't know!"

Effectively, you're pushing the blame that is ON you, cleanly AWAY from yourself. The gamble here is that you would be taking a chance with the consequences of shedding all responsibility. But this is rarely something that is life-threatening or just anything that would result in capital punishment, so most of the time, you *can* get away with using the three words, "I-DON'T-KNOW".

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #3

Effort doesn't pay. Actually, it seldom pays.

Ever had the experience where you slog your ass off, day and night, night and day on a project/work/assignment? When you submit it to your superiors when the deadline arrives, your work never seems to receive better opinions than the one from your counterparts, who only rushed out the work haphazardly in the last 3 days?

Maybe we shouldn't be too superficial about what others think, and should be satisfied with our own effort, telling our conscience that we have already done our best, and that there is nothing more to be done.

Then again, sometimes it really stinks when you've put in more effort than your peers, but you are graded equally (or lower) than your peers.

The morale of the story? If you can't beat them, join them. Go on, relax all you can until the last few days before your deadline. Then look for "alternative" methods to get your job done, by hook or by crook.

You'd be amazed at the results.

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #2

If you can't beat them, eliminate them.

The adjective "best" is only used in terms of a reference from something, to something else. It doesn't necessarily mean that when somebody is called the "best", they hold the ultimate power. It is only in comparison to YOU.

Eliminate the "best", and you will rise up to become the best.

As for what I mean by eliminating... I'll leave it to you to decipher. :)

How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #1

Play dead. If you can't win them, play dead. Yeah sure, go on, play dead. Nobody can touch you once you play possum.