On The Bus #29... or The Auntie Bus Driver

Boarded a bus; the driver was a woman in her mid-40s.

Bus pulls into a bus stop a few stops down the road. Two women board the bus, asking for directions to go to Location X.

The bus driver gives the two women the directions to their destination. They were on the wrong side of the road (they should've boarded a bus from the bus stop opposite the road).

The two women gets off the bus, intending to cross the road to the bus stop opposite the road.

The bus driver holds them back, telling them that she will drive them to the next bus stop, from which the bus-stop opposite would be closer to walk to compared to the one opposite the current stop. The bus stop opposite the current stop was blocked by construction works, hence requiring a detour.

The two women stay on the bus beside the bus driver's seat.

Red light comes on at the next junction, and a conversation springs up between them, just like one from your local wet market.

The two women didn't pay for the one-stop ride, naturally. :)

On The Bus #28... or The Sleeping Ah Beng

So there was this non-Chinese guy who looked to be in his late 20s who boarded the bus. He held a plastic bag in one hand, and both his arms were tattooed all the way up to the sleeves of his shirt.

So he sat two seats away from me on the bus.

He took out two sandwiches from his plastic bag (now empty), and began munching away at one on the bus. He held the other one in his other hand with the plastic bag. Halfway into chewing on his sandwich, his eyelids drooped and he fell asleep.

I watched him fall into a slumber, nodding away with the rhythm of the bumpy bus ride. His half-eaten sandwich was still in his hands.

Then he dropped his half-eaten sandwich onto the bus floor.

He jumped wide awake, and picked up the sandwich to put in his plastic bag. He resumed chewing the remainder of the first sandwich, and took another bite off the second sandwich.

While chewing halfway, his eyelids closed on him and he fell asleep again, holding the second half-eaten sandwich.

A bump somewhere along the road made him drop his second and last sandwich onto the bus floor.

He jumped wide awake again, and picked the sandwich off the floor and put it in his plastic bag.

He chewed up the rest of his sandwich and went to sleep again.

On The Bus #27... or The Righteous Cheat

So there were these 3 folks that I'm single-ing out for this story:

1) The Old Woman in her 50s, because she's still using a blue ez-link card (OW)
2) The Woman with the Baby (WwBB)
3) The Bangla Foreign Worker (BFW)

So I board Bus 57 at Sim Lim Square. OW is behind me, BFW is seated at the seat right behind the exit (Yes, the one just under the TV, so it's a single seat). WwBB, I don't know. She was either behind me or already on the bus.

So the bus is packed, and I'm standing right behind the BFW who is seated in that single seat.

OW comes up to the exit beside BFW and tells him, "You should give up your seat to the woman with the baby in front OK."

BFW is shocked at the OW speaking to him and nearly jumps out of his seat, guilt-ridden at being told off by the OW. OW tells BFW, "Wait." And she walks in front to ask WwBB to come to take the seat the BFW is willing to give up.

But WwBB tells OW she's getting off soon, and doesn't need the seat.

So OW comes back to tell BFW, "It's OK. She says she's getting off." BFW is very disturbed and guilt-ridden. He sits upright and uptight now.

Comes the next stop at Little India MRT Station. Coincidentally, BFW gets off. OW plonks into the empty seat. WwBB is still standing in the standing gallery holding the baby.

***No, this is not what I'm nitpicking about. Read on...***

So after Little India bus stop, comes KK Hospital. WwBB gets off here, leaving OW still in the seat.

Now before the bus pulled into the stop, there was this loud "DI" from somebody tapping a card. Out of the corner of my eye, I see nobody moving towards the exit. (Who was the one who tapped the card if nobody was moving towards the door?) So I turn to look.

A kid in a CHIJ uniform was leaning against the pole. It wasn't her who tapped that adult card, surely she's got a student pass!

I look at OW, and she's fumbling to keep her blue EZ-link card. (Mind you, I'm not jumping to conclusions here. I admit that I didn't see her tap her card at the card-reader. I only heard the sound yet saw nobody else near the exit).

So the CHIJ kid gets off. WwBB gets off too. I watch OW to see when she will get off, and if she'll tap her card when she gets off.

Next stop, Tanglin Police Division HQ.
Next stop, United Square.
Next stop, Novena Church.
Next stop, Novena Lodge.
Next stop, Thomson Medical Centre.
Next stop, Tan Tong Meng Towers.
Next stop, Trellis Towers at Jalan Toa Payoh.

"DING DONG!" OW pressed the bell. I was watching for her to tap her blue ez-link card.

Bus pulls in, doors open. She gets off without tapping her card.

PS: I've told 3 people this story and they didn't get what my point was. If you are lost too and didn't get what I was ranting about, let me know OK?

On The Bus #26... or The Singlish Mom

So there was this kid and his mother on the bus.

The mother took out a chinese assessment book from the kid's bag, presumably to check on his work from school.

The kid said in Singlish, "I anyhow write one!"

The mother kept quiet and flipped open the kid's book. She glared at the kid's work and replied angrily back at her kid, "Aiyoh, why liddat?" She gave a frown and put the book back into the bag.

The morale of the story? Don't expect an apple tree to grow out from a durian seed you planted.

On The Bus #25... or The Rich Bitch

So there was this old woman who got onto the bus. She boarded the bus and attempted to pay for the fare with coins. She handed the coins to the bus driver.

The bus driver looked puzzled and pointed to the coin box instead.

After payment for her fare, she took a seat. The bus rolled along a a pretty decent speed.

The bus whizzed past one of the bus stops along its route. The old woman shouted in Mandarin, "Hey hey, I want to get off lah! I want you to stop here!"

The bus had already overshot the bus-stop by approximately 50 metres. The bus driver was bounded by the company policy, and didn't intend to stop.

He told her nicely, "You have to press the bell if you want the bus to stop."

The old woman retorted, "But I have no hands to press it with!" She was holding a bunch of plastic bags, and wasn't seated anywhere near a bell. The bus driver sensed her anger, and pulled into a parking bay for maintenance vehicles, and opened the door for her to get off. She got off the bus and stared at the bus driver as if he was the one who pissed her off deliberately.

Points to note:

• The nearest bell would be within reach if she just stood up.
• She did not make any attempt to press the bell after the bus passed by the last bus stop, although there was approximately 5-6 seconds for her to do that.
• 50 metres may not seem too far, but take note that some bus stops are situated within 50 metres away from the next crossroads/junction.

Ah yes, one last one before I forget. She had a head full of white hair of which there were signs of it being dyed golden brown. Not black, mind you.

On The Bus #24...

Have you ever waited 40 minutes for a bus, where the bus ride only lasted 20 minutes?

On The Bus #23...

And so I boarded the bus and took a seat. The driver was looking in the mirror for a very long time, staring at somebody in the seat behind.

He drove off after about half a minute of staring into the rear view mirror.

Stopped at the next stop. He let some passengers up, and resumed staring to the mirror.

Somebody pressed the bell. Three teenage girls walked up to the exit. Bus pulls into the next stop, the driver looks into the mirror and says "Come to the front, disembark from here" (in Mandarin). Girls didn't hear the driver, stands at the exit. Driver refuses to open the exit.

Driver gets up and stands in the aisle of the bus, looking at the girls. One of them was carrying a cup of bubble tea.

Driver says "Why you purposely want to do that? You don't know cannot bring that up here?" He points at the No Drinking/Eating sign on the bus. Everybody else was looking at the ongoing commotion.

Girls stare back at him, not answering him. One of them brushes her hair with her hand like nothing happened.

Driver stares at them, obviously a pissed bull. He saunters back to his drivers' seat, and opens the exit. Girls get off, driver turns back and looks at the girls at the bus-stop for a very long time.

Can't say who was wrong, just a bystander. Nothing to see here, move along.

On The Bus #22... and The Invasion Of The WTF@#$%!!! People

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 1 (On the bus)

So the bell rang when somebody pressed the bell. The bus pulled into the stop, and I was seated beside the exit. I was wondering why there was nobody making their way towards the exit.

The doors opened.

An Indian woman in front turned behind after the doors opened. Her Indian husband was standing in the standing area on the bus, holding onto their baby in a pram. The woman shook her head in the usual style, and only then started to get up and move towards the exit. The man turned the pram around and made his way towards the door too.

An elderly Indian woman (presumably the grandmother) carrying a baby started to make her way to the exit as well.

Everybody watched on as they slowly inched over to the exit.

Comments: WTF#$%^&!!! Do you want a fucking red carpet to go along with that? If I were the driver, I would've closed the doors upon seeing nobody at the exit when the doors opened. Get off the next stop man. Or even better, don't get off at all and waste every other passengers' time.


WTF#$%^&!!! Number 2 (At the ATMs)

And so I needed to make a cash deposit, and I arrived at the machines. The people were standing as depicted in the above picture. I stopped for a moment when I saw the WTF#$%^& Man. Thinking he wasn't in the queue, I stepped in as depicted by the dotted arrow and cross.

I stood there for at least a full 30 seconds. Nothing happened. The woman in front was still in the midst of her transaction.

Then the woman left the queue, and I stepped up to make my transaction.

WTF#$%^& Man: Hey boss.

I turned around.

WTF#$%^& Man: I was here first OK.

Me: Orh.

I stepped aside for him to go first, and then added in, "How was I to know, you're standing so far away."

WTF#$%^& Man: There's people walking on the pavement so I queue here. And then you came in to cut queue.

I didn't reply, although I would've liked to say "Why don't you stand on the fucking grass then, since it's pavement all around here where people walk." This would've definitely resulted in either of two persons to be beaten down in cold blood on the cold, cold pavement.

Where people walked.

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 3 (At the lift)

This man was standing right beside the lift doors, waiting for the lift. I walked up and stood behind him (diagonally) as the lifts approached ground floor.

A couple came out of the lift, one of them carrying a baby. The man didn't hold the door, and stepped in after they stepped out.

Bad feeling, I thought. With one foot on the edge of the concrete floor and the floor of the lift, the robotic voice said "Doors closing". I shot out my fist to punch the doors open.

Stupid WTF#$%^& Number 3 Man was standing in the fucking doorway, pressing for "4", and blocking half the fucking doorway.

I squeezed past him after the doors were punched open.

He was carrying a bag filled with Guinness Stout beer.

On The Bus... #21 or The Haughty Bitch on PMS

An elderly woman boarded the bus, her face heavy with makeup and lipstick. She walked in a haughty manner (as if she owned the bus), and took a seat.

She did not pay for her bus fare.

The bus driver was an Indian man, and he got up from his drivers' seat, approaching the elderly woman and requesting her to pay her bus fare.

The woman began screaming and wailing and shouting in Malay at the Indian bus driver, and got up to walk to the front of the bus to pay her fare.

She stood beside the bus entrance, and pretended to pay her fare using the EZ-Link machine.

The bus driver witnessed her pretence.

She then again walked haughtily back to her seat, and plonked down in her seat, her head held up high as though she were the Queen of England.

The bus driver was helpless towards the haughty bitch's unruly behaviour, and he drove on.

On The Bus... #20 or Idiotic Passengers Abound!

A crowded bus-ride in the evening during peak-hours could be made alot better if the following people did not exist:

1.) The bitch who scrambles for the bus exit when the bus is only 10 metres away from the next stop, presses the bus bell. The bus comes to a screeching halt, making other passengers fall down all over the bus.

The door opens, and the bitch looks around in a pretentious manner.

She gets off only at the next stop.

2.) A bunch of idiots who gets on the bus from the bus terminal, hogs all the seats on the bus. You and a bunch of other passengers who got on a couple of stops later are left standing in the crowded bus.

The bunch of idiots get off the bus a few stops later, shoving you and the other standing passengers aside in a great rush (see below).

3.) Somebody presses the bell, and the bus pulls into the stop. You look around to make way for alighting passengers, but there are none making their way to the exit.

The bus exit opens. Only then do you hear the rustlings of bags and belongings, accompanied with murmurs of "Excuse me".

The idiot who is alighting, comes from the last row, squeezing past passengers in a great rush.

The whole bus is waiting (see below).

4.) The idiot who gets off the bus at the last minute, reaches the exit but does not alight.

He/she pauses to dig into his/her bag to dig out the bloody-god-damned-where-the-hell-is-it-I-can't-find-it-because-I'm-an-idiotic-passenger-who-likes-to-make-the-whole-bus-wait-for-me-and-I-was-lazy-to-take-it-out-before-I-got-up-to-make-my-way-to-the-door EZ-Link card.

5.) A middle-aged woman reaches over your shoulder to tap her adult EZ-Link card (one beep, so it's an adult card). She gets off the bus only three stops away.

She's a fare cheat.

On The Bus... #19 or Bitches Galore

On a bus in the late afternoon home. Bus pulls in, and the bus is half-full already.

Bitch #1
Bitch No. 1 was in her late 40s or early 50s. Definitely suffering from menopause. I was standing at the edge of the kerb of the bus stop.

She was seated some distance down at the bus stop (see picture below, 1.), and she got up immediately and shuffled to my left, wanting to be ahead of me in the queue should the bus pull in at the exact location.

But no, the bus stopped earlier than it should, and me and a bunch of other passengers began walking down the bus stop to the entrance of the bus. The bitch ended up being the last in line in the queue.

Bitch overtakes me on the right (see picture below, 2.), and squeezes in ahead of me.



Not wanting to take this lying down, I intercepted her path, and ended up touching her oh-so-fair-and-dainty arm with my sweating arms.

Bitch frowns and uses her other hand to wipe my sweat off her oh-so-fair-and-dainty arm.

Well, screw her. Typical Singaporean bitch who wants the best of everything (a seat on the bus), yet doesn't want to suffer (squeezing with other passengers).

Bitch #2
Bitch No. 2 was middle-aged in her 30s. She was standing in the crowded bus, just like me, and she was leaning against a pole.

What's the big deal, you say. So there she was, leaning against a pole, and grabbing hold of a different pole.

That's 2 poles being occupied by one single bitch.

PS: This reminds me of some other silly passengers who HAVE a seat on the bus, and yet are still grabbing the seat handles in front of them throughout the whole trip, forfeiting all standing passengers of any handles to steady themselves for the bumpy bus rides. What the f%^& is WRONG with you people?

If you want to hold the handles, just fucking GIVE UP THE SEAT. You'll be holding the same handle if you're standing, plus you'll free up a seat for another passenger who doesn't need the handles.

Don't take up a bloody seat, and STILL want MORE by holding onto the freaking seat handles.

Bitch #3
Bitch No. 3 was not Chinese nor Malay. She was seated in the green seats (for the elderly or the pregnant). She seemed to still have a decade or two to go in order to qualify for the green seats.

So there she was, sitting on the green seats while a pregnant lady came up on the bus with a child of 6-7 years old. The pregnant lady was standing beside me throughout the whole bus trip, while Bitch No. 3 was sitting on the green seats.

Bitch No. 3 alighted from the bus, carrying a large paper bag with the name of a certain boutique printed on it, and a "PARIS" (the boutique seemed to be a Paris boutique, in actual fact) on it as well.

Bitch #4
Bitch No. 4 was probably suffering from menopause as well. Dressed like a typical tai-tai (rich elderly woman), she rushed for one of the green seats when one of the passengers alighted, while the pregnant lady was standing beside me with her child. Bitch No. 4 was fully aware of the pregnant lady's presence.

I was disgusted with Bitch No. 4, and stared at her while she shifted her ass around the seat trying to make herself comfortable.

She probably felt my eyes staring at her, and turned to look at me. I stared back with my cold eyes, and Bitch No. 4 didn't give a fuck.

When Bitch No. 4 alighted (at the same stop as me), she was clear to get off. Bitch No. 4 just so happened to be one of those people as mentioned in one of my previous entries, under heading 5.)

So Bitch No. 4 pushed this Malay lady in a tudong, and screamed "AIYOH!" at the Malay lady.

The Malay lady was confused and stood closer (to do a pole-dance) to give way to Bitch No. 4.

As Bitch No. 4 disembarked from the bus, she screamed again, "STAND THERE FOR WHAT? BLOCKING THE WAY!" with a wide sweeping gesture of her hands.

PS: At this point of time, somebody should remind me that the way to counter this kind of bitch is to say the following:

"OF COURSE STAND THERE LAH, YOU DON'T GIVE UP THE @#$% SEAT, OF COURSE HAVE TO STAND THERE LAH!"

On The Bus... #18 or Innocent Until Proven Guilty

An Indian boy boarded the bus, lugging a baggage of tennis rackets. He was in school uniform, and he walked past the bus driver, forgetting to pay for his bus ride.

"Eh Ah Nek!" shouted the bus driver.

The boy continued walking.

"OI!" shouted the bus driver again.

The boy turned around and walked back to tap his EZ-Link card on the reader. He had his card in his hand even before the bus driver was shouting at him.

On The Bus... #17

A fine morning, a fine trip on the bus.

I was seated right behind the driver. A lady boarded the bus at the next stop and took the seat beside me. At a sharp turn, I felt the lady elbow me. I turned and looked.

The lady was sitting on the floor.

She grabbed for the handles, and stood on her feet firmly again, climbing back into the seat beside me. I heard a few gasps of surprise from behind.

I took a peek at her face from the driver's mirror. She had a face that was darker than any of the recent thunderstorms in Singapore.

Naturally, I didn't laugh at that point of time.

On The Bus... #16

Late afternoon, on the bus to school.

Bus driver looked to be in his early 50s. He was chugging the bus along the roads, slowly and surely.

After about 30 mins of slow chugging along the roads, a man in his late 40s or early 50s, ranted at the bus driver as he pulled out from the bus bay:

Man (in dialect): "HURRY UP! Quickly! Don't waste time already. Drive so slow... $%$#%#"

Driver (in dialect): "....if you are so good at it, get off from the bus and walk lah!"

And then the man kept quiet. They both looked damned pissed.

But frankly, the bus driver was driving along too slowly. All other vehicles on the road were overtaking the bus.

What happened thereafter, you ask? Well, the driver was so pissed he chugged the bus along even slower. The man had a sullen face and kept quiet in his seat.

On The Bus... #15

There seems to be a growing trend of passengers who likes to press the bell just as the bus is 30m away from reaching the next stop.

There also seems to be a growing trend of passengers who have trigger-happy fingers, pressing the bell just as the bus is pulling out from the current stop. They intend to press the bell for the next stop.

For the first type of passengers, they are the ones whom you can tell a joke on Monday, and they'll laugh at it on that coming Wednesday.

For the second type of passengers, they are the ones who are already laughing when you are just about to tell a joke.

On The Bus... #14

Another day, another trip back home from school.

Bus is packed full, unusually full. Bus driver stops at the bus-stop, refuses to open the front door. He only opens the rear exit for passengers to alight.

Rowdy bunch of Caucasians and a couple of Indian women tries to board the bus from the exit.

I was standing near the entrance, with my friend right at the entrance. I exclaimed to my friend, "Sui wor (dialect for "Nice", in a sarcastic tone of course), boarding from the exit!"

I suppose the bus driver heard my exclamation, for he stood up and turned around and started shouting at the "illegal passengers" who tried to board from the exit.

They reluctantly alighted from the bus, and made their way to the entrance.

Stupid bunch of ill-mannered people.

PS: This is Singapore, not some developing country where you can get a ride so long as you can attach yourself to any part of the bus. The next time you smart alecks want to try boarding from the exit, don't try to tap your stupid cards at the exit machine, because you will just alert the driver and the rest of the passengers on the bus, that you're an ill-mannered moron.

On The Bus... #13 or What Is Wrong With These @$%^$# People?

A Malay couple boarded the bus. The man was carrying a bag. The woman (probably his wife) didn't bother about him, and tapped her card and found a seat.

The man, he tapped his card, but the irritating beep persisted with the flashing red light. He did not have sufficient credit in his EZ-Link card.

Apparently, he also did not have enough money on him. He tried to talk his way out to bargain with the bus driver for a free ride.

The bus driver did not comply, and told him to get off the bus if he did not wish to pay for his bus fare. The man refused to disembark, and stood his ground, halting the bus at the stop. His wife looked on and only began to move towards him when her husband had to eventually get off the bus due to angry/annoyed looks from the passengers, and the insistence from the bus driver.

No, she did not move towards him to give him a few coins for the ride, if that's what you are thinking.

"Give me the bag! The bag!" she snapped at the man. The man gave her the bag, and got off the bus.

As the bus roared off, the man was gesturing wildly, cussing and swearing at the bus driver.

The woman began ranting to the other passengers at the next stop.

What is wrong with these people!!??

Moral of the story: You don't have a fu**ing right, if you didn't even pay a cent for it in the first place.

On The Bus... #12 or The Litter-Bug

Another day, another bus ride. I was seated at the last row of the single-decked bus.

A man wearing traditional Malay costume topped with a songkok boarded the bus with his child. The two of them sat beside me for the trip.

The man fished out a half-eaten packet of sugar-coated peanuts, and began munching on the peanuts by the handful.

The bus came to a stop at the next traffic lights, and the man dropped his peanuts on the floor of the bus. He didn't bother to pick up the handful of peanuts that were now on the floor. He resumed munching at a new handful of peanuts he poured from the packet.

He then rubbed his fingers together in an adding-a-dash-of-salt motion trying to get rid of the fine sugar that stuck to his fingers. When he finished his pack of blasted peanuts, he simply threw the empty plastic packet as far away from him as possible, underneath the seat in front of him.

All the while, with me beside him looking.

I shudder to think what kind of a proper upbringing that the child he brought along with him would have.

On The Bus... #11

Another trip on the bus. Two caucasian girls were on the bus chatting loudly.

Girl 1: *Whips out her ez-link card* "I got this for like don't know how much."
Girl 2: "OMG I can't believe you're an EZ-Linker!"
Girl 1: "What's wrong with that?"
Girl 2: "I just can't believe it." *Shakes her head*

*More chattering ensues*

Girl 1: *Tries to tap her ez-link card at the reader*
(The reader is showing the no-entry sign at the moment)
Girl 1: *Gives up and shrugs* "I don't know how this thing works actually."
Girl 2: *Takes a look at the reader* "It's turned off, you freak!"
Girl1: *Tries to laugh it off* "Oh haha."

Yet another trip on the bus...

On The Bus... #10 or The Taxi Driver

The bus stops at a junction, pulling alongside a taxi.

Looking into the taxi, it had no passengers save for the driver. He looked to be in his 50's.

He was clutching onto a styrofoam packet (his dinner), and frantically wolfing the food down with the plastic spoon.

He managed to stuff 7 spoons of food into his mouth before the light turned green. He leaves his half-eaten dinner as it is, frantically closing the packet of food and placed it behind his steering wheel on the dashboard.

He then drove off to look for his next fare.

I wouldn't be surprised if he had 3 kids to feed at home, an unemployed wife, and a sick mother to take care of.