I have no idea what she is trying to do.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Just Another Day In School... #7
First we had the folks who wanted to rent textbooks; a far-fetched idea, but not a ridiculous idea actually. Now we have this:
Pimples...
Ever noticed that when you're sitting down doing something, and your fingers wander across your face looking for zits to pop, you suddenly find this "gold mine" that gushes gold aplenty?
You stop suddenly, and run to get your mirror.
And when you're in front of the mirror, you lose the gold mine.
It always happens.
You stop suddenly, and run to get your mirror.
And when you're in front of the mirror, you lose the gold mine.
It always happens.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Coins...
Have you ever noticed that the 1997 batch of coins seem to be pretty new for their age, even compared to coins issued of a later year?
Friday, January 13, 2006
When You're A Guy In Your Mid-20s...
1. That kid blocking your way deliberately in the middle of the road stares at you when you tell him to get out of the way.
2. You have to let the old lady who tries to cut your queue go before you, otherwise you're gonna get it from the people around you as a "young man who has no respect for the elders".
3. You have to let the bitchy bitch who queues up to a closed counter at your neighbourhood MacDonald's go first. You started queuing five full minutes before her.
Note: You might say, "Five minutes only leh! Why you comprain so much?"
Ok, now YOU go to your nearest MacDonald's, stand somewhere out of the way, then start your watch and wait until it says 5"00"00.
Think it's short? Think again. How many times did you change legs to stand on during that 5 full minutes?
4. You are expected to give up your seat to elderly folks who behave brazenly on the public bus or train.
5. You have to be shoved aside by an old lady on the bus who keep mumbling the few words, "...blocking my way... have to get off here... @#$$$#@^^# (curses and swear-words).
The point is, you are already standing soOOOooooo close to the seats and the handle bars of the bus, that you might anytime be misinterpreted as doing a pole-dance on the bus.
In short, there is actually nobody blocking the old bitch's way, yet she has to stick out her hand to shove the young man (not me!) out some more (into the sitting passenger), cursing and swearing.
2. You have to let the old lady who tries to cut your queue go before you, otherwise you're gonna get it from the people around you as a "young man who has no respect for the elders".
3. You have to let the bitchy bitch who queues up to a closed counter at your neighbourhood MacDonald's go first. You started queuing five full minutes before her.
Note: You might say, "Five minutes only leh! Why you comprain so much?"
Ok, now YOU go to your nearest MacDonald's, stand somewhere out of the way, then start your watch and wait until it says 5"00"00.
Think it's short? Think again. How many times did you change legs to stand on during that 5 full minutes?
4. You are expected to give up your seat to elderly folks who behave brazenly on the public bus or train.
5. You have to be shoved aside by an old lady on the bus who keep mumbling the few words, "...blocking my way... have to get off here... @#$$$#@^^# (curses and swear-words).
The point is, you are already standing soOOOooooo close to the seats and the handle bars of the bus, that you might anytime be misinterpreted as doing a pole-dance on the bus.
In short, there is actually nobody blocking the old bitch's way, yet she has to stick out her hand to shove the young man (not me!) out some more (into the sitting passenger), cursing and swearing.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
New Year Wishes
Well, better late (by 4 days) than never. Here's my wishes for the New Year:
1. Kids running around in public places while making a hell lotta noise, should be put on leashes.
Only quiet kids may be allowed to roam without a leash, else they will be shot on the spot by security forces, on the charge of "I thought the kid was screaming like those terrorists that run into people with strapped bombs on their bodies!!! So I shot him down!"
2. That there will be no kayu-ness (corruption/stupidity) in enrolment of students into local universities.
Mandatory English examinations to be conducted for all students who do not have a good grade in GP (General Paper).
The examiners must stop letting these students enrol into local universities without sitting for the examination.
Note: Oh wait?! Did you say that they DID take their English entry examinations? So what is it with the large number of non-local university students who cannot even hold a proper English conversation! How the hell did they pass the examinations then??? ANSWER ME!!!
3. Bus companies will not lie and cheat to the commuters anymore.
Scenario:
There are 3 bus services serving a bus stop:
Bus Service A is advertised by the company as having a frequency of 17 minutes.
Bus Service B is advertised with a frequency of 14-18 minutes.
Bus Service C is advertised with a frequency of 10-13 minutes.
Question:
What is the probability of YOU waiting at the bus stop for 25 minutes, with not a single bus driving by during that 25 minutes?
Answer:
Theoretically speaking from a mathematical point of view, together with statistical analysis, the probability should be 0 (zero).
Counting the fact that it was not only a single bus service (the single bus may have broken down, constituting twice the time waited, OK ACCEPTED). But 3 bus services! I can guarantee with my pants and my family heirloom that the probability is > 0.
Stop lying already, you liars! Fare hikes are justified, yet the same f-up standard of bus service? My foot!
Note: Here's a great idea: Since they can have an "auto-updating of fare stages" system, it would be fair to make it a time-keeping system as well.
If the bus driver pulls into the bus stop out of the advertised bus frequency timing, the EZ-Link readers will be DI DI DI DI DI-ing non-stop at a sound level of 110dB into a personal earphone hooked up into one of the ears of the bus driver.
Oh yeah, and make the bus ride free as well by including the snippet of code into the EZ-Link card readers as well:
if (bus pulls in > advertised frequency timing)
bus ride = free;
4. In Singapore, it is legal to kill a crow, and not be charged for animal abuse.
Well, that's not really a wish. I propose this law be extended to include non-native conmen.
So, make it legal to kill a non-native conmen, and not be charged for murder.
Think of it as ridding the Singapore society from a public nuisance.
You know their tricks, you know what they're thinking, all they want is your money.
"Okay, I'll give you my money, now I'll take your life, you low-down filthy animal!"
5. Have tourists go through an etiquette course before landing into Singapore.
Don't believe me? Take a look around you, just head towards any tourist spot in Singapore, e.g, Zoo, Bird Park, Sentosa, etcetra.
Here's just the tip of the iceberg on what you might get to see:
a.) Albino tourists going to Sentosa, and falling sick all over the place. They sit down in a single chair, and still try to lean over to YOUR chair, because they are falling sick all over the place. Wearing sunglasses and covering their faces and eyes from the Sun, they fall sick all over the place.
HELLO??!! It's SENTOSA right? What the HELL are you doing here? Stay in your hotel for goodness' sake, or go to some indoor shopping mall where the sun won't parch your already-diseased skin.
Don't go running to places like Sentosa where you know for sure the sun is going to be scorching hot, and then falling sick all over the place. Your tour guide did tell you that, or did you refuse to listen?
b.) Little bastard kids chattering in a tongue you never understood, and standing up at the front row seats to some performance at your favourite tourist attraction.
They're blocking your view!
Shouting at them gives no response; they're all walking dead, the damned bunch of them zombies.
c.) You go into the performance area and find a seat. The show's going to be popular, and you're there 45 mins early.
You find yourself a seat luckily, because even at that sort of time, there is already a light crowd. Your seats give you the best view (luckily), and you feel relaxed, enjoying the view around you at the tourist attraction...
Just 5 minutes before performance showtime, you see a HUGE INFLUX of tourists into the performance area.
They sidle up next to you, and then you're being herded by the seat attendent to "squeeze a little" so that they can fit in 15 of the weird-smelling tourists into the bench that was originally for 10.
Note: This is Singapore, where kiasu-ness is part of the local culture. You have to "adapt to the local culture", as the Chinese saying goes. Go for the performance an hour earlier if you want to outdo the locals at the game.
If you're late and there's no seat left already, BUGGER OFF. Don't come running in late, and then demanding to have a seat so that you can watch the bloody performance.
--------------------------------
Happy 2006 to all!!! Cheers!
1. Kids running around in public places while making a hell lotta noise, should be put on leashes.
Only quiet kids may be allowed to roam without a leash, else they will be shot on the spot by security forces, on the charge of "I thought the kid was screaming like those terrorists that run into people with strapped bombs on their bodies!!! So I shot him down!"
2. That there will be no kayu-ness (corruption/stupidity) in enrolment of students into local universities.
Mandatory English examinations to be conducted for all students who do not have a good grade in GP (General Paper).
The examiners must stop letting these students enrol into local universities without sitting for the examination.
Note: Oh wait?! Did you say that they DID take their English entry examinations? So what is it with the large number of non-local university students who cannot even hold a proper English conversation! How the hell did they pass the examinations then??? ANSWER ME!!!
3. Bus companies will not lie and cheat to the commuters anymore.
Scenario:
There are 3 bus services serving a bus stop:
Bus Service A is advertised by the company as having a frequency of 17 minutes.
Bus Service B is advertised with a frequency of 14-18 minutes.
Bus Service C is advertised with a frequency of 10-13 minutes.
Question:
What is the probability of YOU waiting at the bus stop for 25 minutes, with not a single bus driving by during that 25 minutes?
Answer:
Theoretically speaking from a mathematical point of view, together with statistical analysis, the probability should be 0 (zero).
Counting the fact that it was not only a single bus service (the single bus may have broken down, constituting twice the time waited, OK ACCEPTED). But 3 bus services! I can guarantee with my pants and my family heirloom that the probability is > 0.
Stop lying already, you liars! Fare hikes are justified, yet the same f-up standard of bus service? My foot!
Note: Here's a great idea: Since they can have an "auto-updating of fare stages" system, it would be fair to make it a time-keeping system as well.
If the bus driver pulls into the bus stop out of the advertised bus frequency timing, the EZ-Link readers will be DI DI DI DI DI-ing non-stop at a sound level of 110dB into a personal earphone hooked up into one of the ears of the bus driver.
Oh yeah, and make the bus ride free as well by including the snippet of code into the EZ-Link card readers as well:
if (bus pulls in > advertised frequency timing)
bus ride = free;
4. In Singapore, it is legal to kill a crow, and not be charged for animal abuse.
Well, that's not really a wish. I propose this law be extended to include non-native conmen.
So, make it legal to kill a non-native conmen, and not be charged for murder.
Think of it as ridding the Singapore society from a public nuisance.
You know their tricks, you know what they're thinking, all they want is your money.
"Okay, I'll give you my money, now I'll take your life, you low-down filthy animal!"
5. Have tourists go through an etiquette course before landing into Singapore.
Don't believe me? Take a look around you, just head towards any tourist spot in Singapore, e.g, Zoo, Bird Park, Sentosa, etcetra.
Here's just the tip of the iceberg on what you might get to see:
a.) Albino tourists going to Sentosa, and falling sick all over the place. They sit down in a single chair, and still try to lean over to YOUR chair, because they are falling sick all over the place. Wearing sunglasses and covering their faces and eyes from the Sun, they fall sick all over the place.
HELLO??!! It's SENTOSA right? What the HELL are you doing here? Stay in your hotel for goodness' sake, or go to some indoor shopping mall where the sun won't parch your already-diseased skin.
Don't go running to places like Sentosa where you know for sure the sun is going to be scorching hot, and then falling sick all over the place. Your tour guide did tell you that, or did you refuse to listen?
b.) Little bastard kids chattering in a tongue you never understood, and standing up at the front row seats to some performance at your favourite tourist attraction.
They're blocking your view!
Shouting at them gives no response; they're all walking dead, the damned bunch of them zombies.
c.) You go into the performance area and find a seat. The show's going to be popular, and you're there 45 mins early.
You find yourself a seat luckily, because even at that sort of time, there is already a light crowd. Your seats give you the best view (luckily), and you feel relaxed, enjoying the view around you at the tourist attraction...
Just 5 minutes before performance showtime, you see a HUGE INFLUX of tourists into the performance area.
They sidle up next to you, and then you're being herded by the seat attendent to "squeeze a little" so that they can fit in 15 of the weird-smelling tourists into the bench that was originally for 10.
Note: This is Singapore, where kiasu-ness is part of the local culture. You have to "adapt to the local culture", as the Chinese saying goes. Go for the performance an hour earlier if you want to outdo the locals at the game.
If you're late and there's no seat left already, BUGGER OFF. Don't come running in late, and then demanding to have a seat so that you can watch the bloody performance.
--------------------------------
Happy 2006 to all!!! Cheers!
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Weird Things People Do... #2 (And How To Counter Them)
Description:
Coming up to you in NUS and telling your their cock-and-bull story about their long-lost relatives and their dire need of money.
In short, wanting to extort money from you.
What You Need:
01 x Determination (so as to not let them out-talk you into giving your money)
01 x Courage (in case things turn ugly and you need to fend them off physically)
01 x Handphone with the number "6874 1616" stored inside for easy dialing.
With regards to item number 3 in the list of requirements, you can store the number with the name: CAMPUS SECURITY.
How To Do It:
Method 1:
When you are approached in school by these conmen/con-women who wants to cheat you of your money, tell them YES YES OKAY I CALL MY FRIEND TO BRING YOU THE MONEY.
Now call the number you've saved as CAMPUS SECURITY, and then speak loudly in the phone, the below sentence:
"HEY HELLO! SOMEBODY HERE WANTS SOME MONEY FROM ME, CAN YOU PLEASE BRING THE MONEY TO <your current location>?"
Then tell the conmen to wait there with you while your friend (CAMPUS SECURITY) brings the money for them.
Method 2:
Point them in the direction of the nearest canteen or hall residence, citing that you have no money on you, but there will be PLENTY of their native countrymen who will be there willing to give them the money.
Method 3 (applies only if you are approached by the con-women):
Tell them you have no money on you, and direct them to either Geylang or Joo Chiat Road. Say that there will be people there willing to give them the money they need in return for "small favours".
If the con-women acts blur or insists she doesn't know what you mean, tell her DON'T WORRY, JUST GO THERE FIRST. THERE ARE PLENTY OF YOUR NATIVE COUNTRY-WOMEN TO HELP YOU THERE AND GUIDE YOU ALONG.
How To React If You're Caught:
Hmm... wait. There's no chance of you getting caught here! You aren't doing anything despicable here, it's the other party who's doing the despicable act!
In any case, if you manage to execute Method 1, and they are succesfully apprehended, just remember to point your fingers at them after they get inside the patrol car. Then laugh loudly 3 times and be on your way.
Coming up to you in NUS and telling your their cock-and-bull story about their long-lost relatives and their dire need of money.
In short, wanting to extort money from you.
What You Need:
01 x Determination (so as to not let them out-talk you into giving your money)
01 x Courage (in case things turn ugly and you need to fend them off physically)
01 x Handphone with the number "6874 1616" stored inside for easy dialing.
With regards to item number 3 in the list of requirements, you can store the number with the name: CAMPUS SECURITY.
How To Do It:
Method 1:
When you are approached in school by these conmen/con-women who wants to cheat you of your money, tell them YES YES OKAY I CALL MY FRIEND TO BRING YOU THE MONEY.
Now call the number you've saved as CAMPUS SECURITY, and then speak loudly in the phone, the below sentence:
"HEY HELLO! SOMEBODY HERE WANTS SOME MONEY FROM ME, CAN YOU PLEASE BRING THE MONEY TO <your current location>?"
Then tell the conmen to wait there with you while your friend (CAMPUS SECURITY) brings the money for them.
Method 2:
Point them in the direction of the nearest canteen or hall residence, citing that you have no money on you, but there will be PLENTY of their native countrymen who will be there willing to give them the money.
Method 3 (applies only if you are approached by the con-women):
Tell them you have no money on you, and direct them to either Geylang or Joo Chiat Road. Say that there will be people there willing to give them the money they need in return for "small favours".
If the con-women acts blur or insists she doesn't know what you mean, tell her DON'T WORRY, JUST GO THERE FIRST. THERE ARE PLENTY OF YOUR NATIVE COUNTRY-WOMEN TO HELP YOU THERE AND GUIDE YOU ALONG.
How To React If You're Caught:
Hmm... wait. There's no chance of you getting caught here! You aren't doing anything despicable here, it's the other party who's doing the despicable act!
In any case, if you manage to execute Method 1, and they are succesfully apprehended, just remember to point your fingers at them after they get inside the patrol car. Then laugh loudly 3 times and be on your way.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Saturdaily: The Attack Of The Clones
Friday nights can be late nights for most of us, as it marks the beginning of a weekend. It may be a night of late night relaxation filled with night activities, which means you will be sleeping late.
So you sleep late on a Friday night, and wake up a little later than the usual weekday timings on a Saturday morning.
But you don't get to sleep late every Saturday.
The fucking HDB Council, for some weird reason, likes to hire the grass-cutter workers by the truckloads only on Saturdays (at least, where I live).
No, it's not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Sunday. It must be a Saturday.
So they come mowing by the truckloads on Saturday mornings, marching on the grass plains ala Star Wars style like the clone troopers.
You never get to sleep late and wake up fully rested on a Saturday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with these @#$#@!@# people.
So you sleep late on a Friday night, and wake up a little later than the usual weekday timings on a Saturday morning.
But you don't get to sleep late every Saturday.
The fucking HDB Council, for some weird reason, likes to hire the grass-cutter workers by the truckloads only on Saturdays (at least, where I live).
No, it's not Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Sunday. It must be a Saturday.
So they come mowing by the truckloads on Saturday mornings, marching on the grass plains ala Star Wars style like the clone troopers.
You never get to sleep late and wake up fully rested on a Saturday morning.
What the fuck is wrong with these @#$#@!@# people.
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