1. The idiotic boys who play soccer at 2AM at the void deck downstairs of my place.
2. The idiot with the Phantom Motorcycle that goes boom-boom-boom as he drives past late at night to make a U-turn at the junction outside my place.
3. Those punks that drive modified Subarus and Toyotas, coupled with stereo sound effects similar to those from the film "Initial D".
4. The bastard with the annoying car alarm that goes "Beep... Beep... Beep... Beep... Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep".
5. The smell of cigarette smoke that wafts into my room from my neighbour's.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
On The Bus... #12 or The Litter-Bug
Another day, another bus ride. I was seated at the last row of the single-decked bus.
A man wearing traditional Malay costume topped with a songkok boarded the bus with his child. The two of them sat beside me for the trip.
The man fished out a half-eaten packet of sugar-coated peanuts, and began munching on the peanuts by the handful.
The bus came to a stop at the next traffic lights, and the man dropped his peanuts on the floor of the bus. He didn't bother to pick up the handful of peanuts that were now on the floor. He resumed munching at a new handful of peanuts he poured from the packet.
He then rubbed his fingers together in an adding-a-dash-of-salt motion trying to get rid of the fine sugar that stuck to his fingers. When he finished his pack of blasted peanuts, he simply threw the empty plastic packet as far away from him as possible, underneath the seat in front of him.
All the while, with me beside him looking.
I shudder to think what kind of a proper upbringing that the child he brought along with him would have.
A man wearing traditional Malay costume topped with a songkok boarded the bus with his child. The two of them sat beside me for the trip.
The man fished out a half-eaten packet of sugar-coated peanuts, and began munching on the peanuts by the handful.
The bus came to a stop at the next traffic lights, and the man dropped his peanuts on the floor of the bus. He didn't bother to pick up the handful of peanuts that were now on the floor. He resumed munching at a new handful of peanuts he poured from the packet.
He then rubbed his fingers together in an adding-a-dash-of-salt motion trying to get rid of the fine sugar that stuck to his fingers. When he finished his pack of blasted peanuts, he simply threw the empty plastic packet as far away from him as possible, underneath the seat in front of him.
All the while, with me beside him looking.
I shudder to think what kind of a proper upbringing that the child he brought along with him would have.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Star Awards 2005...
Yes yes, I admit that I did watch the event on TV. But only for a while.
So I was thinking, "Why aren't prize-giving ceremonies like the Star Awards conducted in Europe or America?"
And so I thought, and came up with the answers:
1. It would be no fun to see a list of the stars who were ousted out of the Top Ten Celebrities every 15 mins, because it would be very obvious to all that the ones who would get ousted out of the list would be celebrities like Chow Yuen Fatt, Jackie Chan, Zhang Ziyi, Fann Wong (yeah, Shanghai Knights) and Lucy Liu.
In fact, if it ever did happen that Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts ever did appear in that "Did Not Make It List" (even for the first 15 minutes of the ceremony), it may result in riots and rampages raging through the streets of Hollywood.
There might even be angry fans who would shoot the board of directors point-blank, similar to that World Cup incident where the footballer got shot in the face by a fan when he missed that World Cup goal.
2. Hollywood actors and actresses don't like to turn the little figurine around and around, trying to find the front of the award (with that little metal plate describing what award it would be).
It certainly looks silly when you turn it around and around the 4 sides trying to find the front of the figurine. All in front of the camera.
That is why awards like the Emmy Awards, are made of a figurine holding a globe. It is the same, prestigious award every year. You know the face of the figurine indicates the front of the award, just by looking.
3. It would certainly be a big disgrace for Hollywood if the actresses are seen on camera trying to pull up their falling no-strap dresses.
4. People watching the ceremony worldwide would not like to hear the invited Guest-Of-Honour ranting at the podium about how his bed-scene shows are superb and worth watching.
5. It would be very VERY weird if we had newscasters from ABC News, CNN, Fox News, going up the stage to receive awards.
So I was thinking, "Why aren't prize-giving ceremonies like the Star Awards conducted in Europe or America?"
And so I thought, and came up with the answers:
1. It would be no fun to see a list of the stars who were ousted out of the Top Ten Celebrities every 15 mins, because it would be very obvious to all that the ones who would get ousted out of the list would be celebrities like Chow Yuen Fatt, Jackie Chan, Zhang Ziyi, Fann Wong (yeah, Shanghai Knights) and Lucy Liu.
In fact, if it ever did happen that Hollywood stars like Brad Pitt or Julia Roberts ever did appear in that "Did Not Make It List" (even for the first 15 minutes of the ceremony), it may result in riots and rampages raging through the streets of Hollywood.
There might even be angry fans who would shoot the board of directors point-blank, similar to that World Cup incident where the footballer got shot in the face by a fan when he missed that World Cup goal.
2. Hollywood actors and actresses don't like to turn the little figurine around and around, trying to find the front of the award (with that little metal plate describing what award it would be).
It certainly looks silly when you turn it around and around the 4 sides trying to find the front of the figurine. All in front of the camera.
That is why awards like the Emmy Awards, are made of a figurine holding a globe. It is the same, prestigious award every year. You know the face of the figurine indicates the front of the award, just by looking.
3. It would certainly be a big disgrace for Hollywood if the actresses are seen on camera trying to pull up their falling no-strap dresses.
4. People watching the ceremony worldwide would not like to hear the invited Guest-Of-Honour ranting at the podium about how his bed-scene shows are superb and worth watching.
5. It would be very VERY weird if we had newscasters from ABC News, CNN, Fox News, going up the stage to receive awards.
Why You Still Like Taking A Public Bus...
1. You haven't come across waiting for 40 minutes at the bus-stop for your bus.
2. You haven't met the old woman/man who brings up grocery bags full of fish and prawns onto the bus.
The bus suddenly feels like it has turned into a wet fish market, while the air-con is blowing full blast in the bus, promoting the ventilation of the fishy stench.
3. You haven't met the woman who gets up at every single bus-stop to have a change of seats.
Just before she sits her pretty ass down on the seat, the ominous deafening sound of "PIAK PIAK" resounds throughout the bus as she smacks the seat.
4. You haven't met the disheveled man who, of all places to pick on the empty bus, wants to sit beside you.
5 seconds later after he's sitting beside you, you smell the unmistakable similar smell of salted fish.
You know he's not carrying salted fish with him...
5. You haven't met that young punk who wears the latest model of ear/headphones, and comes up the bus just to share his music with all the people sitting within a radius of 2 seats away from him.
6. You haven't met the mother who lets her child lie down across 2 seats to take his (the child) afternoon nap, with the mother taking up a 3rd seat.
It just so happens that the bus you are on, is a full bus plowing through the streets during peak hours.
7. You haven't witnessed kids (with parents) running from the front of the bus, to the back of the bus like it were an Olympic 100m dash finals. Seconds later, it's the 100m dash back to the front of the bus.
8. You haven't seen that old woman squeezing past five people (who have already been in an orderly queue) to be the first to get onto the bus.
The bus is not even half-filled. In fact, it's an empty bus!
9. You haven't been shouted at by the bus driver to move towards the rear of the bus, even when your ass is already touching the ass of the person next to you.
So much for that "I-paid-my-bus-fare-so-I-can-stand-wherever-I-want" thought, because the shouting makes you feel like a pig being herded into a pig sty. You never did agree to the fare hikes just to be shouted at.
10. You readily pay that extra money when the fare hikes come, only to find that the bus still takes that damned long (#1) to come.
And, on another day, when you're waiting at the bus stop for another bus service, the previous bus service that took so damned long to arrive, comes by the dozens.
It's a conspiracy, I'd say.
2. You haven't met the old woman/man who brings up grocery bags full of fish and prawns onto the bus.
The bus suddenly feels like it has turned into a wet fish market, while the air-con is blowing full blast in the bus, promoting the ventilation of the fishy stench.
3. You haven't met the woman who gets up at every single bus-stop to have a change of seats.
Just before she sits her pretty ass down on the seat, the ominous deafening sound of "PIAK PIAK" resounds throughout the bus as she smacks the seat.
4. You haven't met the disheveled man who, of all places to pick on the empty bus, wants to sit beside you.
5 seconds later after he's sitting beside you, you smell the unmistakable similar smell of salted fish.
You know he's not carrying salted fish with him...
5. You haven't met that young punk who wears the latest model of ear/headphones, and comes up the bus just to share his music with all the people sitting within a radius of 2 seats away from him.
6. You haven't met the mother who lets her child lie down across 2 seats to take his (the child) afternoon nap, with the mother taking up a 3rd seat.
It just so happens that the bus you are on, is a full bus plowing through the streets during peak hours.
7. You haven't witnessed kids (with parents) running from the front of the bus, to the back of the bus like it were an Olympic 100m dash finals. Seconds later, it's the 100m dash back to the front of the bus.
8. You haven't seen that old woman squeezing past five people (who have already been in an orderly queue) to be the first to get onto the bus.
The bus is not even half-filled. In fact, it's an empty bus!
9. You haven't been shouted at by the bus driver to move towards the rear of the bus, even when your ass is already touching the ass of the person next to you.
So much for that "I-paid-my-bus-fare-so-I-can-stand-wherever-I-want" thought, because the shouting makes you feel like a pig being herded into a pig sty. You never did agree to the fare hikes just to be shouted at.
10. You readily pay that extra money when the fare hikes come, only to find that the bus still takes that damned long (#1) to come.
And, on another day, when you're waiting at the bus stop for another bus service, the previous bus service that took so damned long to arrive, comes by the dozens.
It's a conspiracy, I'd say.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Lack Of Originality...
There's a chinese film showing in the cinemas lately. It's called "Perhaps Love".
While I have not seen the movie, and nor do I think the contents are similar, the english name reminds me of the great film "Love Actually".
So much for originality in translations.
Here are some titles which I forsee will be in the cinemas within the next few years:
1.) Probably Love
2.) Maybe leh, Love
3.) Love, Should be la!
4.) Love. Shiok ah!
5.) Somehow (I also dunno leh), Love
6.) Issit Love?
7.) Boh ko leng leh! Love
8.) What Love talking you?
9.) Siao ah! Love
10.) (It) Might Be Love
While I have not seen the movie, and nor do I think the contents are similar, the english name reminds me of the great film "Love Actually".
So much for originality in translations.
Here are some titles which I forsee will be in the cinemas within the next few years:
1.) Probably Love
2.) Maybe leh, Love
3.) Love, Should be la!
4.) Love. Shiok ah!
5.) Somehow (I also dunno leh), Love
6.) Issit Love?
7.) Boh ko leng leh! Love
8.) What Love talking you?
9.) Siao ah! Love
10.) (It) Might Be Love
Monday, December 05, 2005
You Know The Whole World's Against You When...
1.) You go to your nearby clinic to visit your doctor for that cough/flu/fever. You feel terrible, and look at your watch, wondering why the hell everybody goes in for 10-15 mins.
It finally is your turn, and you enter the doctor's room. He looks at you and diagnoses you, then sends you back out to the waiting area.
You look at your watch, it's only been 2 minutes.
2.) You board a bus and it's damned crowded, so you're left standing. You're going to take the bus right to the end of its journey (to the interchange).
You eventually get packed in until you're standing at the door. The next stop comes, and everybody pushes past you to disembark from the bus. This happens for every single f***ing stop. Even the idiot who boarded the bus with you, hops up from the seat he/she greedily snatched, and pushes past you to get off the bus.
You wonder why the hell all these idiots who took the bus for only a few damned stops didn't stand the up and took your place instead.
3.) You're standing in a supermarket queue, with a packet of sweets and a carton of milk in your hands. You've got your money ready for payment with the exact amount. The people in front of you have trolleys of groceries with food that seems enough to feed a typical family of 4 for two whole weeks. The cashier deals with each and every one of them, and all of the people buy groceries worth up to more than $100 EACH.
Your sweets and milk cost only $3.
4.) You're on the bus, rushing for time to meet your friend for an appointment. By some freak chance, the bus pulls in at every single stop along the way.
A person stands at the bus-stop, refusing to board the bus, and hold a conversation with the bus driver on whether the bus you're on, goes to his desired destination.
You meet 3 such persons who pull the bus over on your journey. Each of them holds the bus for an average of 3 minutes, making for a total of 9 minutes.
A typical bus plowing along the roads at 50km/h can travel 7.5km in 9 minutes. That is roughly equivalent to a distance of 4-5 bus stops.
5.) You have an appointment with your doctor, and your appointment card says 2pm. You reach there at 1.45pm and expect to be able to be out of there in 2 minutes' time (from #1).
The bloke with the appointment at 1.45pm comes at 1.59pm, and he gets to go first before you.
It finally is your turn, and you enter the doctor's room. He looks at you and diagnoses you, then sends you back out to the waiting area.
You look at your watch, it's only been 2 minutes.
2.) You board a bus and it's damned crowded, so you're left standing. You're going to take the bus right to the end of its journey (to the interchange).
You eventually get packed in until you're standing at the door. The next stop comes, and everybody pushes past you to disembark from the bus. This happens for every single f***ing stop. Even the idiot who boarded the bus with you, hops up from the seat he/she greedily snatched, and pushes past you to get off the bus.
You wonder why the hell all these idiots who took the bus for only a few damned stops didn't stand the up and took your place instead.
3.) You're standing in a supermarket queue, with a packet of sweets and a carton of milk in your hands. You've got your money ready for payment with the exact amount. The people in front of you have trolleys of groceries with food that seems enough to feed a typical family of 4 for two whole weeks. The cashier deals with each and every one of them, and all of the people buy groceries worth up to more than $100 EACH.
Your sweets and milk cost only $3.
4.) You're on the bus, rushing for time to meet your friend for an appointment. By some freak chance, the bus pulls in at every single stop along the way.
A person stands at the bus-stop, refusing to board the bus, and hold a conversation with the bus driver on whether the bus you're on, goes to his desired destination.
You meet 3 such persons who pull the bus over on your journey. Each of them holds the bus for an average of 3 minutes, making for a total of 9 minutes.
A typical bus plowing along the roads at 50km/h can travel 7.5km in 9 minutes. That is roughly equivalent to a distance of 4-5 bus stops.
5.) You have an appointment with your doctor, and your appointment card says 2pm. You reach there at 1.45pm and expect to be able to be out of there in 2 minutes' time (from #1).
The bloke with the appointment at 1.45pm comes at 1.59pm, and he gets to go first before you.
Just A Day At The Nokia Service Centre
It was a day at the Nokia Service Centre. When you're there, there's only 3 possible reasons you can be there:
1.) You're getting your phone fixed.
2.) You're collecting your fixed phone.
3.) You're accompanying a friend/relative for the above two reasons.
So there I was, due to reason #2.
Some interesting things to note while I was there:
1.) There are a few public computer terminals there, presumably for customers to browse through the Nokia catalogue.
A girl with a guy friend went to the computer terminal and started surfing personal blogs of their friends, and friendster.com.
Another girl came next and started surfing http://www.lovebyte.org.sg/web/ent_p_home.asp.
2.) A man was at the counter collecting his phone. The female receptionist said something (which I couldn't hear) and smiled at the man, and the man seemed sullen-faced. He left, and he walked back after a few steps, and shook his phone at the girl, and said "You think I spent hundreds of dollars on this phone to let you crack a joke on it?"
And he stormed away.
3.) A woman at the counter asked the male staff attending to her how long it would take to service her phone. He looked at his watch, and replied that Nokia would contact her within 3-5 days (because they needed to source for spare parts, he said).
The woman shook her head and frowned, and insisted that it had to be done by Thursday. The male staff told her that they would try to contact her by tomorrow.
That wasn't inclusive of the repair time. The woman pulled a long face and frowned angrily at the male staff.
4.) I got my queue number and it was C174. I looked at the current queue number, it was C161. Sitting down waiting, staring at the queue number display board. I sat down and took a deep breath, irritated and depressed at the long waiting time I'd have to go through.
A man later came by and sat down next to me. His queue number was S258. His current queue was serving S238. Looking at his queue ticket, he took a deep breath.
5.) A woman came into the Service Centre, and took a queue number. The staff prompted her to take a seat while waiting. She walked to the middle of the waiting area and paused.
There were no seats for her.
6.) The staff there pressed for the next customer in queue, C170. The queue number flashed 6-7 times, but nobody stood up. The staff (a male), shouted "C ONE SEVEN ZERO!!! WHO IS ONE SEVEN ZERO!!!??" in his boom-box voice. Everybody turned to look, but nobody stood up still.
He pressed for C171, and that made me happy.
1.) You're getting your phone fixed.
2.) You're collecting your fixed phone.
3.) You're accompanying a friend/relative for the above two reasons.
So there I was, due to reason #2.
Some interesting things to note while I was there:
1.) There are a few public computer terminals there, presumably for customers to browse through the Nokia catalogue.
A girl with a guy friend went to the computer terminal and started surfing personal blogs of their friends, and friendster.com.
Another girl came next and started surfing http://www.lovebyte.org.sg/web/ent_p_home.asp.
2.) A man was at the counter collecting his phone. The female receptionist said something (which I couldn't hear) and smiled at the man, and the man seemed sullen-faced. He left, and he walked back after a few steps, and shook his phone at the girl, and said "You think I spent hundreds of dollars on this phone to let you crack a joke on it?"
And he stormed away.
3.) A woman at the counter asked the male staff attending to her how long it would take to service her phone. He looked at his watch, and replied that Nokia would contact her within 3-5 days (because they needed to source for spare parts, he said).
The woman shook her head and frowned, and insisted that it had to be done by Thursday. The male staff told her that they would try to contact her by tomorrow.
That wasn't inclusive of the repair time. The woman pulled a long face and frowned angrily at the male staff.
4.) I got my queue number and it was C174. I looked at the current queue number, it was C161. Sitting down waiting, staring at the queue number display board. I sat down and took a deep breath, irritated and depressed at the long waiting time I'd have to go through.
A man later came by and sat down next to me. His queue number was S258. His current queue was serving S238. Looking at his queue ticket, he took a deep breath.
5.) A woman came into the Service Centre, and took a queue number. The staff prompted her to take a seat while waiting. She walked to the middle of the waiting area and paused.
There were no seats for her.
6.) The staff there pressed for the next customer in queue, C170. The queue number flashed 6-7 times, but nobody stood up. The staff (a male), shouted "C ONE SEVEN ZERO!!! WHO IS ONE SEVEN ZERO!!!??" in his boom-box voice. Everybody turned to look, but nobody stood up still.
He pressed for C171, and that made me happy.
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