Have You Ever Wondered Why?

Why is it that when you have a gigantic piece of dirt stuck in your nostrils (pee sai), and you manage to remove it (either using your fingers or whatever), you will start sneezing after a while?

5 Nasty Things You Can Do To Your Friend-Turned-Enemy

1. The School Bag Trick:

One of the most evil thoughts ever to be materialised, this involves taking from your enemy, his/her school bag (if you're in the corporate world, briefcase then).

You might want to do this when he's away (very easy to do since you probably still know his/her way of life; when he/she will not be around his/her belongings).

Take the bag, and go to the nearest bus stop. Flag the first bus you see, get onto it, and sit somewhere at the back of the bus (so that nobody else sees you). Then just leave his/her bag there, and drop off at the next bus stop.

Walk back to where you came from. Feign innocence (How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #4 & #5) if he/she asks you what happened. He/she may get back the contents of the bag if there was some form of identity inside there, but since you would be clever enough to remove all forms of identification inside the bag, it will be as good as lost.

This is one of the worst tricks ever to perform on somebody. If you have never understood the Chinese saying of "ants on a hot pot", this will be your chance to witness it.

Missing wallet/PDA/Laptop/whatever: $10 upwards
Missing Documents/Tutorials/Lecture Notes: $10 upwards (based on photocopying costs)
Agonised look on your enemy's face: Priceless

Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)

Comments: Just don't get caught for an attempt to "leave your belongings unattended". You'll be in sh*tload of trouble if you're suspected as being a terrorist.

2. The Handphone Trick:

This is not as bad as Trick 1., but as equally devastating as well.

Take your chance and borrow his/her handphone to just "take a look". But before doing so, you must make sure you have seen some handphone joke/stories advertisements either from TV or the papers.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's those advertisements that go "SMS 'JOKE' to 76xxx". And then the fineprint says $2 (or higher) per SMS.

The catch with these company conspiracies is that they will NOT STOP sending jokes to you. You will continue to receive the jokes until you unsubscribe from it! And each SMS sent to you costs $2. If you know at least 5 or more of these services (and can key them in faster than your friend can notice), your friend will probably be in for a bad shock when his bill comes.

And the worst thing is, to unsubscribe, you have to SMS the "keyword" (be it UNSUBSCRIBE/CANCEL/whatever) to another number (sometimes it's the same, sometimes it's not).

If your friend doesn't know which number and what keyword to use to unsubscribe, you probably have won this round already.

Rating: * * (2 stars)

Comments: The level of damage done will be in terms of monetary losses, anything from $10 upwards. Easily countered if the service has the way to unsubscribe contained in the SMS.

3. The Computer Trick

This trick may require a you to be a little tech savvy. We all know that whether it's for work or play, we will come into contact with a PC or laptop. This goes the same whether you're still studying (student) or you're working (corporate).

Simply put, just go up to your enemy's computer, and attempt to delete the files he/she has on her computer.

If the computer has only one "drive" (using the term loosely) C:, then just highlight the folders in Windows Explorer, and press SHIFT-DEL. Answer "Yes to All" when prompted, and you're done.

If the computer has more than one "drive", be it C: D: E: etcetra, just highlight the D or E drive, and right-click the mouse and choose FORMAT. Do a quick format (since he'll be back anytime), and click yes, and then close all the windows.

A quick format of any drive can be done in a matter of seconds, and even though it only erases the indexes pointing to your files (meaning the files are still there physically), recovering the lost data can take at least anything from 6 to 48 hours up.

Rating: * * * * (4 stars)

Comments: Get the hell outta there once you click that OK button.

4. The Kamikaze Trick (Non-Corporate Situations Only)

This is an idea taken from the kamikaze pilots during WWII. You must be mentally prepared to execute such a manoeuvre. After doing this trick, you can never beg for forgiveness ever again, so be prepared to declare war on your enemy from then onwards.

This trick only applies if you are still studying with your friend-turned-enemy. Borrow his term paper, saying you only need it as a reference, and assure him you are actually doing a different topic, and that you will only be wanting to see the format/layout of the paper. If you don't have a term paper, do it with a lab experiment or something. The work must be a piece of graded work.

Now once you've managed to borrow his/her work, copy his work and pass it off as your own. Then hand it up to your teacher. Now, assuming your teacher is sharp enough to notice the difference, both of you will probably be invited for a chit-chat session one fine afternoon.

From then onwards, how you manage to take it from there, be it to accuse your enemy of copying yours (and not the other way round), or whether admitting to copying, is not of concern anymore, since both of you will probably be given a F grade for that assignment.

Rating: * * * (3 stars)

Comments: You have to be mentally prepared to do such an extreme trick, for it may cause you to get an overall F grade (or even expelled) if the work takes anything from 30-50% of your final CA. And that is why this trick only earned 3 stars and not anything higher.

5. The Spammer's Trick

Nah, you don't need to be a spammer to do this. Just get hold of your friend's email account that he uses for work (or school), NOT those @hotmail or @yahoo or @cheapomail.com maill accounts. Something used for more serious stuff like @(school).edu.xx or @(company name).com.

Now, go and surf over to your *favourite*... erm... sorry... just some pornography websites (now don't get distracted by any of those), and look for that "SEND ME PICS!" box. Type in your fri-enemy's email address, and click that SUBSCRIBE button!

Do it for maybe 10 or 20 different sites, and you can ensure that he/she will surely be pissed like nothing before.

The email address will go into the spammer's mailing lists forever, circulating round and round all the spammers across countries as they sell their mailing lists off to one another in a never-ending cycle.

That means your fri-enemy will be doomed forever to receive those pills, stocks, bank fraud emails, mixed in with all the serious work mails. *sniggers*

Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)

Comments: Utterly devastating. Even the most high-tech spam filters cannot ensure 100% blockout-rate.

Just Another Day In School... #5

The only sanctuary in school nowadays are the below locations:

1. A SBS Bus
2. Any class that requires essay-writing for a term paper.
3. School of Law

I will post more locations of such sanctuaries should I find them.

How I Nearly Failed A Module...

First off, I am not being sour grapes here just because I didn't get a good grade. It was a number of factors that led me to this demise. In fact, thinking back, I am surprised that I managed to barely scrape past this module.

It was an unexpected chain of events which combined together to give an utterly devastating killing blow:

1. There was a presentation for this module. I did my best, speaking fluently and knowlegeably about the topic. I used cue cards, and I did not even take a single glance at the projector screen during the presentation. I got a B.

There was this bitch in another presenting group who laughed her head off and grinned at all the questions posed to her, giving answers like "...probably..." and "...maybe...". She read off her presentation from the projector screen. She got the same grade as me.

Note: I am not being a sore loser here. The point is, if one has to make somebody a benchmark, all others should be aligned accordingly to this benchmark.

There is no sense in giving a good student and a bad student the same grade, because it indicates their abilities are the same.

You can give me a C, or a D, I am fine with that. But at the very least, have students who obviously did worst, an E or an F, not the same grade!

2. There was a Term Test conducted. I was stupid enough to sit at the second row at the test venue. When the lecturer came to collect my test paper, I turned around to look at the remaining 10-20 rows of students behind me.

They were all still writing furiously.

There was even a non-local student sitting at the first row in front of me. Below is a transcript (as accurately as I could remember) of their conversation:

Lecturer: *Grabs onto student's paper* Hello, time's up. Please hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds back onto paper, continues writing in a last-ditch attempt*
Lecturer: Hey, time's up already, Hand in your paper to me now.
Student: *Holds up one hand and gestures at the lecturer* NO NO WAIT!
Lecturer: *Looks around nervously*

At this point of time, there are 3 hands on that particular student's script. 1 from the lecturer, 2 from the student's. This lasted for around half a minute or so, before the student reluctantly allowed the lecturer to collect his script.

Needless to say, the student's script was not torn apart. Neither was he branded as cheating.

3. There was this other bitch in the class. Everytime she attended the class (she didn't come all the time), she would pose awkward and difficult questions to the presenting group.

I got backstabbed by her on my first presentation mentioned in 1.) above.

4. There was a project required in this module, comprising of either 4 or 5 members. My group members weren't so "spontaneous" at all. I initiated the project, I dished out the orders, I set the deadline, I compiled the final report.

Not because I liked it of course. There are finer details, but I shall keep it simple.

5. The tutor suffers from recency bias.

While I must say that I wasn't that active in class participation to the extent of being an attention-whore, I spoke when nobody else could, and the tutor acknowledged my answers as what she was looking for. I got a B for my ocassional, qualitative participation.

The same bitch in 1.) started "suddenly" being very active in class during the last two tutorials, talking plenty of nonsensical things which weren't related nor answered the question at hand. Giving answers which she was unsure of, marked by words such as "I think...", "Probably...", "Maybe..." "I guess...", she got an A.

Just Another Day In School... #4

Here are two very classic examples of "How In The Hell Did You Qualify For University Education?!"

Classic Example No. 1:

Note:
1. This posting was made on 29th September 2005.
2. The "make-up test" being referred to here is to be scheduled on the 8th October 2005.
3. Scienctists have not made any breakthrough in forecasting/predicting the future as of now (29th September 2005).

Classic Example No. 2:


Note:
1. This posting was made on 29th September 2005, marking Week 7 (out of 13 weeks of the school semester).

Disclaimer: I am not liable for the coincidence that occurs in the names of the students involved.

On The Bus... #11

Another trip on the bus. Two caucasian girls were on the bus chatting loudly.

Girl 1: *Whips out her ez-link card* "I got this for like don't know how much."
Girl 2: "OMG I can't believe you're an EZ-Linker!"
Girl 1: "What's wrong with that?"
Girl 2: "I just can't believe it." *Shakes her head*

*More chattering ensues*

Girl 1: *Tries to tap her ez-link card at the reader*
(The reader is showing the no-entry sign at the moment)
Girl 1: *Gives up and shrugs* "I don't know how this thing works actually."
Girl 2: *Takes a look at the reader* "It's turned off, you freak!"
Girl1: *Tries to laugh it off* "Oh haha."

Yet another trip on the bus...

Hong Kong Disneyland And The Hordes...

Here's a link, courtesy of EastSouthWestNorth, that has an article about the just-recently opened Hong Kong Disneyland.

Credits go to Apple Daily, Ming Pao and NineMSN as well, for the write-ups by their reporters.

http://www.zonaeuropa.com/20050914_2.htm

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=62379

I quote some of the sentences used in the articles (just in case you don't wish to read it):

"The Ming Pao Daily reported Tuesday that visitors from mainland China disregarded the theme park's rules and smoked cigarettes in restaurants and other nonsmoking areas."

"The newspaper carried another photograph showing a woman from the southern Chinese province of Guangdong helping a young child loosen his trousers to urinate beside a flower bed."

"It was hot yesterday, and so some mainland Chinese male tourists pulled up their shirts to display their flesh. Some people pulled up their long pants to turn them into shorts just to cool down. Others squat by the roadside to chat."

"Our reporter observed a "classical" scene. Right in front of Sleeping Beauty's castle, the reporter saw our stream of water falling by the road. The reporter turned out and saw a bare-bottomed boy urinating into the flower bed under the direction of his mother. Some of the "fertilizer" fell on the ground. Later, that little boy ran around the plaza while exhibiting his "little bird.""

And this line probably sums it all up in one line:

"Although Hong Kong, a former British colony, returned to Chinese rule in 1997, many locals regard themselves as more refined and educated than their mainland Chinese counterparts."