The Lil' Poor Soul

Walking along the streets, there was this little mynah standing by the side of the drain. It was alone; it's partner nowhere in sight.

It looked sad; it kept looking down, but not down into the drain for food.

So I approached it to get a better look. The lil' bird hopped away in a funny manner, then stopped and looked down again in a sad and depressed manner.

It was looking at its feet.

One of its feet was mangled up with some sort of white stuff, rendering that foot useless. The injury looked fresh.

Of course I couldn't help it as it was hopping away whenever I approached.

I had to walk away and leave it staring at its foot.

Beatboxing Madness! (Pathetic-ness?)... or The Truth Uncovered #1

So there's this beatboxing competition recently on Channel U that's showing. And here's a clip from one of the TV footages:



Note to Self: To be a beatbox wannabe, you MUST wave your hands and move it around like you're a punk rapper, even if it adds nothing to your "coolness" factor.

----------------------------------------

If you think that was COOL and L33T and all, watch this next video:

The Real McCoy



The good part begins from 3"20" onwards, so watch out for the "special sounds" there!

The moral of the story? Be something you're good at. Don't be a half-baked ass.

Come to think of it, this lil' birdie really puts the local beatboxers to shame:

On The Bus #27... or The Righteous Cheat

So there were these 3 folks that I'm single-ing out for this story:

1) The Old Woman in her 50s, because she's still using a blue ez-link card (OW)
2) The Woman with the Baby (WwBB)
3) The Bangla Foreign Worker (BFW)

So I board Bus 57 at Sim Lim Square. OW is behind me, BFW is seated at the seat right behind the exit (Yes, the one just under the TV, so it's a single seat). WwBB, I don't know. She was either behind me or already on the bus.

So the bus is packed, and I'm standing right behind the BFW who is seated in that single seat.

OW comes up to the exit beside BFW and tells him, "You should give up your seat to the woman with the baby in front OK."

BFW is shocked at the OW speaking to him and nearly jumps out of his seat, guilt-ridden at being told off by the OW. OW tells BFW, "Wait." And she walks in front to ask WwBB to come to take the seat the BFW is willing to give up.

But WwBB tells OW she's getting off soon, and doesn't need the seat.

So OW comes back to tell BFW, "It's OK. She says she's getting off." BFW is very disturbed and guilt-ridden. He sits upright and uptight now.

Comes the next stop at Little India MRT Station. Coincidentally, BFW gets off. OW plonks into the empty seat. WwBB is still standing in the standing gallery holding the baby.

***No, this is not what I'm nitpicking about. Read on...***

So after Little India bus stop, comes KK Hospital. WwBB gets off here, leaving OW still in the seat.

Now before the bus pulled into the stop, there was this loud "DI" from somebody tapping a card. Out of the corner of my eye, I see nobody moving towards the exit. (Who was the one who tapped the card if nobody was moving towards the door?) So I turn to look.

A kid in a CHIJ uniform was leaning against the pole. It wasn't her who tapped that adult card, surely she's got a student pass!

I look at OW, and she's fumbling to keep her blue EZ-link card. (Mind you, I'm not jumping to conclusions here. I admit that I didn't see her tap her card at the card-reader. I only heard the sound yet saw nobody else near the exit).

So the CHIJ kid gets off. WwBB gets off too. I watch OW to see when she will get off, and if she'll tap her card when she gets off.

Next stop, Tanglin Police Division HQ.
Next stop, United Square.
Next stop, Novena Church.
Next stop, Novena Lodge.
Next stop, Thomson Medical Centre.
Next stop, Tan Tong Meng Towers.
Next stop, Trellis Towers at Jalan Toa Payoh.

"DING DONG!" OW pressed the bell. I was watching for her to tap her blue ez-link card.

Bus pulls in, doors open. She gets off without tapping her card.

PS: I've told 3 people this story and they didn't get what my point was. If you are lost too and didn't get what I was ranting about, let me know OK?

Braggarts or Adepts?

Sometimes when you walk around "the" canteen for lunch, you see Medicine undergraduates having lunch with their stethoscopes. They would wear it around their necks, and have lunch just like that.

What the f*** is wrong with them? Do they really have no lockers or a place to put their stuffs? Hell, they weren't even carrying their school bags with them (which means their bags are left/locked up somewhere).

• You do not see Chemistry students walking around with their Pyrex Laboratory Glassware or wearing their laboratory coats.
  
• You do not see Computing students walking around with their keyboards and mouse (Everybody carries laptops sometimes, even non-Computing students).
  
• You do not see Law students walking around with their wigs and black coats.
  
• You do not see Mathematics students walking around holding calculators.
  
• You do not see English Literature students carrying volumes of literature works with them.
  
• You do not see Theatre Studies students carrying their theatre costumes and masks with them.
  

In short, of all the students milling around the canteen during lunchtime, the god-damned stethoscope is a dead-giveaway to identifying a Medicine student (short of writing the words "I AM A MEDICINE STUDENT" on their forehead).

Why, of all faculties of students, must Medicine students want to be so special?

For goodness' sake, keep the bloody stethoscope away with your bags and belongings before heading out for lunch. There is no reason to carry it around unless you practise elitism.

In a war, the first thing soldiers look for as a target of opportunity would be the medical staff (short of following the Geneva Convention). No (trainee) doctors, no help for the enemy troops.

You simply like wearing that stethoscope huh?

Life Goes On

You know your life starts to stink when you have to have your meals while walking around getting to places.

Black September 2007

This September has got to be the worst one of all the 24 years in my life.

I look forward to a better life for this 25th year of my life.

Lack of Updates (again!)

I suppose this site will be down unconditionally until I find time to update it, or if I see a sudden surge in the support from folks like you (YES, YOU!) reading this. :p

I won't be putting down the reasons why I'm busy, because this blog isn't about what's happening in my life (like some other blogs), nor is it about how many fishballs were in the noodle soup I had for lunch, where I went to walk around after the end of a busy workweek, what I saw with my eyes when I looked across the street at , what I did etc.

You can contact me if you really want to know what I'm busy with. ;-)

NDP 2007

YES! It's my first nitpick on a national event!

Just 3 little rants:

1. WTF was wrong with the bloody kids who were performing? They were all out of sync, with many of them dancing in a half-f**ked manner as if they didn't really didn't want to be in it.

They sure found the wrong kids this year.

2. Many shots show the kids dancing, and upon seeing the camera coming, they'd turn around deliberately for the camera, and wave hi or put a silly grin into the camera.

What's up with that, by making the performance go out of sync with your stupid and silly waving?

3. The bloody youngster in the red-fishy outfit, and the raging male hormones behaving like he's doing a mating dance to impress in front of the camera.

So what if you can rollerblade damned good? The way you skate obviously shows that you're not here to perform but just to show the world how damned good you are at skating.

And YEAH, I was laughing my A$$ off when you tried to jump the ramp and fell down on your bloody youngster-buttocks. H-A H-A.

You freaking deserved it.

I'm not saying I REALLY had wished for the performance to turn out good, but at least put up an average performance like every other year. At least we'll just forget it when we turn it off at 7.45pm before the show ends on TV. Now there's something bad to remember about it.

The Parry Hotter Craze

What the hell is wrong with the world nowadays?

Worldwide sensation over the new Harry Potter book? Tight international embargo on the books that are shipped out? Selling in Singapore at 7:01am sharp this coming Saturday, 21st July?

What the f*** is this all about? What's the big deal with this book?

OK, so children get to read a book. And what do they achieve at the end of the day? Do they:

• Save the World
• Find a cure for cancer/AIDs
• Solve the world's energy crisis
• Come up with a solution for Global Warming
• Solve the overpopulation problem of the world

Except for an author getting rich, and maybe the economy of the developed countries being pushed slightly in that first month of release of the book, I don't really see what the hell this whole crazy is all about. This book is just another luxury good which the poor can't afford.

Big deal, I haven't seen the movie (Order of the Phoenix) either.

Okay okay, since the book is so damned good, why not do this to spread the goodness:

• Distribute a book to each and every Japan quake survivor.
• Distribute a book to each and every AIDS/HIV patient/victim.
• Air-drop the books in crates down to Iraq. It may just stop the fighting when the Taliban fighters open it up to see loads and loads of Harry Potter books inside!
• Air-drop the books to Africa, Lesotho where they're facing a food crisis.

Sure, sure, the book will help in the above situations!

Big Macs and Mini-Skirts...

Personally, I have NO grudge against Big Macs, but when you encounter a situation like the one that happened to me below, you will understand what I mean:


+

+

=


In Mandarin, a Big Mac is known as a 巨无霸. That means "Super Big", when translated back into English.

This is as bad as the time when I saw a Big Mac come down from a bus, wearing a mini-skirt. I caught a glimpse of the butt cheeks of the Big Mac. (Eeeeeew!!!)

And I have to admit I didn't see the butt cheeks because the skirt was too low around the waist (Hmm... so if I didn't see it from the waist down...)

What the f#$@ is wrong with these Big Macs?!

WTF News...

A very interesting read indeed, as computer games are required to have auto-shutdown systems in place, otherwise they will be banned:

No surprises as to the country of origin of this piece of news.

First Google, now games. Not to mention the list of nonsensical counterfeit items that originated there, in alphabetical order (WOW! We can organise the list in alphabetical order now!):

Chewing gum (referenced in one of the paragraphs)
Cognac (Hennessy)
Batteries (Handphone) that explode
Blood Protein
Buns containing cardboard
Diplomas
Disneyland (YES Disneyland!)
Milk Powder
Pet Food
Soy Sauce made from human hair
Toothpaste
Water
Zebra that's painted
...
and the list goes on.

You Know You're Fat When...

your double chin can be seen even from across the street.

12 Reasons why you shouldn't watch Harry Potter...

1. You ask yourself or your friends, "How many movie they got already har?" or "This one is the fourth movie already issit?"

2. You forgot what the sorcerer's stone does. Uh... is the Sorceres's Stone the 1st movie ar?

3. You forgot what was inside the chamber of secrets.

4. You forgot what the goblet of fire does.

5. Azka-WHAT?

6. You have never read a single Harry Potter book at all.

7. You exclaim "WHAT? There's still gonna be a SIXTH movie?"

8. You only remember these characters from the show:
- Harry Potter, the boy with the perfect circular spectacles
- The aiyah-I-forgot-his-name-la! big guy with the hairy beard.
- The freckled-faced redhead boy who's super gu-niang and irritating.
- Er.. sorry leh, I forget got who else already.

9. The only animal you remember from the film is the super-cute white owl.

10. You didn't know that Daniel Radcliffe started in the first Harry Potter movie at the age of 12, and is now 18 years already.

11. You wonder why kids are watching an all-adult casted film.

12. You can FINALLY have a possible shot at bringing YOUR OWN KIDS to watch the Deathly Hallows in 2010!

Save yourself the money and go buy something to eat instead. Or you can watch the below vidoes for some enjoyable cheap jokes.

Commencement 2007

Once again, I have a list of MSN contacts, ready to be moved into the "Friends-Who-Have-Graduated-And-Will-Never-Reply-My-Messages-Ever-Again" group.

Do you have such a group in your list?

Judge for Yourselves

This has gotta be one of the worst sites ever set up for news.

Read it only if you ABSOLUTELY have nothing else to do on your hands.

Otherwise prepare yourselves for several "WTF-is-this-guy-trying-to-complain-about" moments while you look through the articles.

PS: I have to ask this question: Does my blog actually look similar to the website? If there is a remote similarity to it, please let me know. Thank you.

Beware... All Ye Drivers!

If you have a driving license, and are intending to (or already have) get a car in the near future, here are some links for a good read:

This one's about faulty tires, similar to the Firestone recall in 2000.


And this one is about a bad design of a car which failed terribly in a German car crash test.

No prizes for guessing which country these automobile/products came from.

What a Shitty Day

Ever seen a pile of human waste in the common shower area of a public swimming pool?

I have.

What Kills You?

You can be the richest person in the world, or the smartest person in the world. You may have all the cars and houses, all the gold and jewelery. You could also be very streetwise and knowledgeable.

Apart from the old saying "curiosity killed the cat", there's another one.

Old age will kill you.

On The Bus #26... or The Singlish Mom

So there was this kid and his mother on the bus.

The mother took out a chinese assessment book from the kid's bag, presumably to check on his work from school.

The kid said in Singlish, "I anyhow write one!"

The mother kept quiet and flipped open the kid's book. She glared at the kid's work and replied angrily back at her kid, "Aiyoh, why liddat?" She gave a frown and put the book back into the bag.

The morale of the story? Don't expect an apple tree to grow out from a durian seed you planted.

You've Got Mail! or ...and Then There Were Two

Walking past a block of flats, it was the time when the postman came by to make the daily mail delivery to the mailboxes.

Only this time it wasn't a postman. It was a "postwoman". Well, a part-time middle-aged lady employeed by SingPost (an auntie la!).

And then there were two of them.

The other "postwoman" looked to be of a smaller build than the middle-aged lady. Much younger, with a dark complexion that obviously wasn't caused by the sun, she stood some distance away from the first post-holding a stack of mail.

There was only 1 bicycle in sight that was holding the mail.

PS: I wonder who was the one who walked to make the mail deliveries. The younger "postwoman" looked to be the domestic helper of the middle-aged lady, if you ask me.

On The Bus #25... or The Rich Bitch

So there was this old woman who got onto the bus. She boarded the bus and attempted to pay for the fare with coins. She handed the coins to the bus driver.

The bus driver looked puzzled and pointed to the coin box instead.

After payment for her fare, she took a seat. The bus rolled along a a pretty decent speed.

The bus whizzed past one of the bus stops along its route. The old woman shouted in Mandarin, "Hey hey, I want to get off lah! I want you to stop here!"

The bus had already overshot the bus-stop by approximately 50 metres. The bus driver was bounded by the company policy, and didn't intend to stop.

He told her nicely, "You have to press the bell if you want the bus to stop."

The old woman retorted, "But I have no hands to press it with!" She was holding a bunch of plastic bags, and wasn't seated anywhere near a bell. The bus driver sensed her anger, and pulled into a parking bay for maintenance vehicles, and opened the door for her to get off. She got off the bus and stared at the bus driver as if he was the one who pissed her off deliberately.

Points to note:

• The nearest bell would be within reach if she just stood up.
• She did not make any attempt to press the bell after the bus passed by the last bus stop, although there was approximately 5-6 seconds for her to do that.
• 50 metres may not seem too far, but take note that some bus stops are situated within 50 metres away from the next crossroads/junction.

Ah yes, one last one before I forget. She had a head full of white hair of which there were signs of it being dyed golden brown. Not black, mind you.

The Local Movie Crowd or Spiderman 3

This film will never win an Oscar's. This film will never make it to the Greatest Films of All Time. This film will never be held in high regard by the AFI. This film will not be remembered as a classic film 50 years later.

Why then, are there so many locals who flock to the cinema just to watch this ordinary film, with tickets being sold out as early as 3 days before premieres?

Is it because the local movie crowd lacks the art of film appreciation?

Is it because the local movie crowd view movie-going as a pure form of entertainment, with no regards to whether the film is going to be a good or bad one?

Is it because the local movie crowd, being made up of the younger generation, only knows how to appreciate "superficial" films that target their generation?

The answer is, yes, yes and yes.

Unnecessary Censorship

Pretty cool track, with a slightly disturbing MTV. The artiste is Fergie, and the track is called Glamorous:



Local radio stations are playing the version without the words "a$$" and "f***".

A nice track gone bad, thanks to unecessary censorship.

On The Bus #24...

Have you ever waited 40 minutes for a bus, where the bus ride only lasted 20 minutes?

Picking Drink Cans: Can or Cannot?

You may be seeing plenty of old folks around town or your neighbourhood area, opening up trash bins to pick out the empty drink cans. Common sight around Singapore? Yes, indeed. These cans sell for roughly 5 cents each at the scrap metal dealers.

Some folks take this up to supplement their income; others do it for a living.

Amazingly, there is at least one staff who involves himself actively in this activity around school.

Is the school not paying him enough? Strange indeed...

And the Best Reality TV Series goes to...

Survivor + Battle Royale = Best Reality TV Series

This show is slated to be the real-est reality TV show! No rigging of votes, bets, drama and excitement!

3 simple rules govern this upcoming reality TV series:
1. Participants are dropped on an island, with only a knife (or some other necessity equipment).
2. A helicoptor will come to pick them up in 1 month's time.
3. The helicopter only has room for 1.

Stay tuned for this soon-to-be hit series! Guaranteed to have more suspense than Prison Break! Guaranteed to have more blood than CSI! Guaranteed to have more action than <fill in your own show>!

Fun With Webcams

Webcams are very useful for viewing pimples that are growing on parts of your body that you can't even see with the help of a mirror.

On The Bus #23...

And so I boarded the bus and took a seat. The driver was looking in the mirror for a very long time, staring at somebody in the seat behind.

He drove off after about half a minute of staring into the rear view mirror.

Stopped at the next stop. He let some passengers up, and resumed staring to the mirror.

Somebody pressed the bell. Three teenage girls walked up to the exit. Bus pulls into the next stop, the driver looks into the mirror and says "Come to the front, disembark from here" (in Mandarin). Girls didn't hear the driver, stands at the exit. Driver refuses to open the exit.

Driver gets up and stands in the aisle of the bus, looking at the girls. One of them was carrying a cup of bubble tea.

Driver says "Why you purposely want to do that? You don't know cannot bring that up here?" He points at the No Drinking/Eating sign on the bus. Everybody else was looking at the ongoing commotion.

Girls stare back at him, not answering him. One of them brushes her hair with her hand like nothing happened.

Driver stares at them, obviously a pissed bull. He saunters back to his drivers' seat, and opens the exit. Girls get off, driver turns back and looks at the girls at the bus-stop for a very long time.

Can't say who was wrong, just a bystander. Nothing to see here, move along.

Mints

Prolonged consumption of mints carries the reverse effect that Viagra has on men.

The Law of Being Taken for Granted

The time you spend online using your favourite IM is proportional to the degree to which your friends take you for granted.

To counter this, do the Houdini Act.

You Are Taken for Granted!

This article assumes that your are using Windows Messenger (MSN).

To do this, follow the following steps:

1. Click Tools, followed by Options.
2. Click Privacy.
3. In the left box that you see, under Allow List, right-click the contacts individually.

If any of the contacts has the option "Delete" available, you have been deleted off from their contact list.

So there, use this to check who is still on your list, but have already cleared you off from their list.

You may just be surprised at the people who have cleared you off, without even saying goodbye.

Dem Crazy Aussies (Part 4)

And here's another fine one, from Balls of Steel:



Balls of Steel? Hell yeah. He'd be arrested immediately in Singapore if he did that here.

Dem Crazy Aussies (Part 3)

Here's another video from Balls of Steel. Not very particularly funny like the first two last time:

The Old Man Who Was Gay

Sometimes, if you're a guy and you're in a public toilet, you may sometimes meet strange people who stare at you as you walk into the toilet. That's still pretty OK, since some people just have a quirky habit of staring at every single person walking by.

If you're really lucky, you'll may just come across an old man who's taking a leak at the urinals beside you, and furiously beating himself off while looking at you taking a leak.

Infinite Monkey Theorem

It is hypothesized that if you have an infinite number of monkeys, each matched to a computer with a keyboard in front of it, and you let them whack away at the keyboards, there is certainly a possibility for at least one monkey who will be able to press the correct combination of keys that results in something legible, like Shakespeare's list of complete works.

Or that report which you handed in to your boss.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infinite_monkey_theorem

Just Another Day In School... #21

Another evening in school before a night lecture.

So there was this queue at a food stall, and there were 3 girls in front of me. It was 1755hrs on the watch, and the stall was fast running out of food. Sometimes, people would step up to look at what's left in the counter before queueing up.

And that was what this Chinese national student did when he came. He took a very long look at the food, with the 3 girls and me in the queue. He did this until there was only 1 girl left in front of me.

And then he tried to step in to order food when it was the girl's turn.

The girl side-stepped him and cut him off to place her order. She obviously knew what was up his sleeve.

My turn. I had been looking at him all the time, and the bastard stepped up and started to place his order. I shouted, "喂，不用排队啊？" (translated to English as "Hey, you don't have to queue is it?"). I didn't want to waste time repeating myself just because he didn't understand my English, if I had shouted at him in English.

The bastard turned at looked at me, giving me a pretentious "blur" face like he didn't know what was going on. By that time, there a few other guys behind me looking at the commotion already.

The bastard kept quiet, realising his cover was blown, and went behind to queue.

I proceeded to place my order.

PS: This was the second time it happened to me, except that I wasn't wide-awake during the first occasion, and I just let it go.

On The Bus #22... and The Invasion Of The WTF@#$%!!! People

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 1 (On the bus)

So the bell rang when somebody pressed the bell. The bus pulled into the stop, and I was seated beside the exit. I was wondering why there was nobody making their way towards the exit.

The doors opened.

An Indian woman in front turned behind after the doors opened. Her Indian husband was standing in the standing area on the bus, holding onto their baby in a pram. The woman shook her head in the usual style, and only then started to get up and move towards the exit. The man turned the pram around and made his way towards the door too.

An elderly Indian woman (presumably the grandmother) carrying a baby started to make her way to the exit as well.

Everybody watched on as they slowly inched over to the exit.

Comments: WTF#$%^&!!! Do you want a fucking red carpet to go along with that? If I were the driver, I would've closed the doors upon seeing nobody at the exit when the doors opened. Get off the next stop man. Or even better, don't get off at all and waste every other passengers' time.


WTF#$%^&!!! Number 2 (At the ATMs)

And so I needed to make a cash deposit, and I arrived at the machines. The people were standing as depicted in the above picture. I stopped for a moment when I saw the WTF#$%^& Man. Thinking he wasn't in the queue, I stepped in as depicted by the dotted arrow and cross.

I stood there for at least a full 30 seconds. Nothing happened. The woman in front was still in the midst of her transaction.

Then the woman left the queue, and I stepped up to make my transaction.

WTF#$%^& Man: Hey boss.

I turned around.

WTF#$%^& Man: I was here first OK.

Me: Orh.

I stepped aside for him to go first, and then added in, "How was I to know, you're standing so far away."

WTF#$%^& Man: There's people walking on the pavement so I queue here. And then you came in to cut queue.

I didn't reply, although I would've liked to say "Why don't you stand on the fucking grass then, since it's pavement all around here where people walk." This would've definitely resulted in either of two persons to be beaten down in cold blood on the cold, cold pavement.

Where people walked.

WTF#$%^&!!! Number 3 (At the lift)

This man was standing right beside the lift doors, waiting for the lift. I walked up and stood behind him (diagonally) as the lifts approached ground floor.

A couple came out of the lift, one of them carrying a baby. The man didn't hold the door, and stepped in after they stepped out.

Bad feeling, I thought. With one foot on the edge of the concrete floor and the floor of the lift, the robotic voice said "Doors closing". I shot out my fist to punch the doors open.

Stupid WTF#$%^& Number 3 Man was standing in the fucking doorway, pressing for "4", and blocking half the fucking doorway.

I squeezed past him after the doors were punched open.

He was carrying a bag filled with Guinness Stout beer.