5 Nasty Things You Can Do To Your Friend-Turned-Enemy

1. The School Bag Trick:

One of the most evil thoughts ever to be materialised, this involves taking from your enemy, his/her school bag (if you're in the corporate world, briefcase then).

You might want to do this when he's away (very easy to do since you probably still know his/her way of life; when he/she will not be around his/her belongings).

Take the bag, and go to the nearest bus stop. Flag the first bus you see, get onto it, and sit somewhere at the back of the bus (so that nobody else sees you). Then just leave his/her bag there, and drop off at the next bus stop.

Walk back to where you came from. Feign innocence (How To Survive In The Real World, Rule #4 & #5) if he/she asks you what happened. He/she may get back the contents of the bag if there was some form of identity inside there, but since you would be clever enough to remove all forms of identification inside the bag, it will be as good as lost.

This is one of the worst tricks ever to perform on somebody. If you have never understood the Chinese saying of "ants on a hot pot", this will be your chance to witness it.

Missing wallet/PDA/Laptop/whatever: $10 upwards
Missing Documents/Tutorials/Lecture Notes: $10 upwards (based on photocopying costs)
Agonised look on your enemy's face: Priceless

Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)

Comments: Just don't get caught for an attempt to "leave your belongings unattended". You'll be in sh*tload of trouble if you're suspected as being a terrorist.

2. The Handphone Trick:

This is not as bad as Trick 1., but as equally devastating as well.

Take your chance and borrow his/her handphone to just "take a look". But before doing so, you must make sure you have seen some handphone joke/stories advertisements either from TV or the papers.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's those advertisements that go "SMS 'JOKE' to 76xxx". And then the fineprint says $2 (or higher) per SMS.

The catch with these company conspiracies is that they will NOT STOP sending jokes to you. You will continue to receive the jokes until you unsubscribe from it! And each SMS sent to you costs $2. If you know at least 5 or more of these services (and can key them in faster than your friend can notice), your friend will probably be in for a bad shock when his bill comes.

And the worst thing is, to unsubscribe, you have to SMS the "keyword" (be it UNSUBSCRIBE/CANCEL/whatever) to another number (sometimes it's the same, sometimes it's not).

If your friend doesn't know which number and what keyword to use to unsubscribe, you probably have won this round already.

Rating: * * (2 stars)

Comments: The level of damage done will be in terms of monetary losses, anything from $10 upwards. Easily countered if the service has the way to unsubscribe contained in the SMS.

3. The Computer Trick

This trick may require a you to be a little tech savvy. We all know that whether it's for work or play, we will come into contact with a PC or laptop. This goes the same whether you're still studying (student) or you're working (corporate).

Simply put, just go up to your enemy's computer, and attempt to delete the files he/she has on her computer.

If the computer has only one "drive" (using the term loosely) C:, then just highlight the folders in Windows Explorer, and press SHIFT-DEL. Answer "Yes to All" when prompted, and you're done.

If the computer has more than one "drive", be it C: D: E: etcetra, just highlight the D or E drive, and right-click the mouse and choose FORMAT. Do a quick format (since he'll be back anytime), and click yes, and then close all the windows.

A quick format of any drive can be done in a matter of seconds, and even though it only erases the indexes pointing to your files (meaning the files are still there physically), recovering the lost data can take at least anything from 6 to 48 hours up.

Rating: * * * * (4 stars)

Comments: Get the hell outta there once you click that OK button.

4. The Kamikaze Trick (Non-Corporate Situations Only)

This is an idea taken from the kamikaze pilots during WWII. You must be mentally prepared to execute such a manoeuvre. After doing this trick, you can never beg for forgiveness ever again, so be prepared to declare war on your enemy from then onwards.

This trick only applies if you are still studying with your friend-turned-enemy. Borrow his term paper, saying you only need it as a reference, and assure him you are actually doing a different topic, and that you will only be wanting to see the format/layout of the paper. If you don't have a term paper, do it with a lab experiment or something. The work must be a piece of graded work.

Now once you've managed to borrow his/her work, copy his work and pass it off as your own. Then hand it up to your teacher. Now, assuming your teacher is sharp enough to notice the difference, both of you will probably be invited for a chit-chat session one fine afternoon.

From then onwards, how you manage to take it from there, be it to accuse your enemy of copying yours (and not the other way round), or whether admitting to copying, is not of concern anymore, since both of you will probably be given a F grade for that assignment.

Rating: * * * (3 stars)

Comments: You have to be mentally prepared to do such an extreme trick, for it may cause you to get an overall F grade (or even expelled) if the work takes anything from 30-50% of your final CA. And that is why this trick only earned 3 stars and not anything higher.

5. The Spammer's Trick

Nah, you don't need to be a spammer to do this. Just get hold of your friend's email account that he uses for work (or school), NOT those @hotmail or @yahoo or @cheapomail.com maill accounts. Something used for more serious stuff like @(school).edu.xx or @(company name).com.

Now, go and surf over to your *favourite*... erm... sorry... just some pornography websites (now don't get distracted by any of those), and look for that "SEND ME PICS!" box. Type in your fri-enemy's email address, and click that SUBSCRIBE button!

Do it for maybe 10 or 20 different sites, and you can ensure that he/she will surely be pissed like nothing before.

The email address will go into the spammer's mailing lists forever, circulating round and round all the spammers across countries as they sell their mailing lists off to one another in a never-ending cycle.

That means your fri-enemy will be doomed forever to receive those pills, stocks, bank fraud emails, mixed in with all the serious work mails. *sniggers*

Rating: * * * * * (5 stars)

Comments: Utterly devastating. Even the most high-tech spam filters cannot ensure 100% blockout-rate.