Check the dispenser for the toilet paper before you drop your pants.
You're gonna be in big trouble if you drop your pants and realise the dispenser has no paper left.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Facts Of Life Which You Didn't Know, #8
When a living being is dying, be it an animal or a human being, at that split moment when it takes its last breath, it loses control of its bladder.
Crude as it may sound, excretion occurs (both liquid and solid) just before a living being dies.
Crude as it may sound, excretion occurs (both liquid and solid) just before a living being dies.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Top 10 Irritating Things Being A School of Computing (SoC) Student
In order of least to most irritating:
-------------------------
10. The science canteen always seems to have a shortage of seats when you want to have your lunch.
-------------------------
09. You hope to enjoy a nice meal of <insert what you would like to eat> before rushing off to your next lecture/tutorial location. However, upon reaching the canteen, you realise that lunch would be chicken rice.
-------------------------
08. Your lecturer likes to name his PowerPoint Slides as below:
Lecture 01 (Draft).ppt
Lecture 01 (Revised).ppt
Lecture 01 (Complete).ppt
Lecture 01 (Summary).ppt
-------------------------
07. That group of f****rs sitting behind you during lectures is yakking/blabbering away non-stop for the whole of the lecture. Apart from the noise, the voices are high-pitched and ear-piercing.
You never understood the language they were speaking.
-------------------------
06. You have 20 choices to ballot for your non-lecture sessions, as described below:
- 2 lab sessions
- 5 tutorials
- 1 recitation class
= Total of 8 slots to ballot for
That gives you only 3 choices for 4 slots, and 2 choices only for the other 4 (3 x 4 + 2 x 4 = 20).
You are bothered because ranking tutorial A from module A as No. 1 choice doesn't make the other modules any less important. And you know that there is a chance you'd be stranded without any slot (in which case, you'll need to go down to the office for a manual registration). You then finally manage to sort it out and put your so-called "priorities" respectively. When the balloting results come out, you realise that you did not get even your first 3 choices.
When you meet your friend from a non-SoC faculty, he/she tells you that he/she only needs to ballot for 2 tutorial slots with the 20 choices.
-------------------------
05. Your tutorial class has students who are so inquisitive with their out-of-syllabus questions, even if it means asking them before the tutor has finished going through the weekly tutorial. Your class is thus delayed 10 minutes into the next hour.
-------------------------
04. Your tutor plays along and conveniently forgets the time as well.
-------------------------
03. You check up this module and plan your timetable accordingly:
Lectures - Tues & Thurs
Labs - Monday
Tutorials - Friday
All your other modules slot nicely into the other days.
On the day of balloting, you realise that Friday tutorial sessions no longer exist.
-------------------------
02. You assure yourself that good/honesty will prevail, when your friend confides in you that he took his laboratory code from another friend. You keep it to yourself, because you feel that ultimately, he will not learn anything by doing so, and when the examinations come, he will be clueless to answer the questions. He may even risk getting caught by the school.
On the day of release of results, he excitedly tells you he's gotten an A-.
You check your grades: B+.
--------------------------------------------------
And for the MOST irritating thing being an SoC student...
01. This weird guy follows you to the computer labs. Wen you reach into your bag to fish for your matric card to unlock the doors, sweating and panting from the afternoon heat, he stands behind you folding his arms like a cool cucumber.
He's waiting for YOU open the door for him.
-------------------------
10. The science canteen always seems to have a shortage of seats when you want to have your lunch.
-------------------------
09. You hope to enjoy a nice meal of <insert what you would like to eat> before rushing off to your next lecture/tutorial location. However, upon reaching the canteen, you realise that lunch would be chicken rice.
-------------------------
08. Your lecturer likes to name his PowerPoint Slides as below:
Lecture 01 (Draft).ppt
Lecture 01 (Revised).ppt
Lecture 01 (Complete).ppt
Lecture 01 (Summary).ppt
-------------------------
07. That group of f****rs sitting behind you during lectures is yakking/blabbering away non-stop for the whole of the lecture. Apart from the noise, the voices are high-pitched and ear-piercing.
You never understood the language they were speaking.
-------------------------
06. You have 20 choices to ballot for your non-lecture sessions, as described below:
- 2 lab sessions
- 5 tutorials
- 1 recitation class
= Total of 8 slots to ballot for
That gives you only 3 choices for 4 slots, and 2 choices only for the other 4 (3 x 4 + 2 x 4 = 20).
You are bothered because ranking tutorial A from module A as No. 1 choice doesn't make the other modules any less important. And you know that there is a chance you'd be stranded without any slot (in which case, you'll need to go down to the office for a manual registration). You then finally manage to sort it out and put your so-called "priorities" respectively. When the balloting results come out, you realise that you did not get even your first 3 choices.
When you meet your friend from a non-SoC faculty, he/she tells you that he/she only needs to ballot for 2 tutorial slots with the 20 choices.
-------------------------
05. Your tutorial class has students who are so inquisitive with their out-of-syllabus questions, even if it means asking them before the tutor has finished going through the weekly tutorial. Your class is thus delayed 10 minutes into the next hour.
-------------------------
04. Your tutor plays along and conveniently forgets the time as well.
-------------------------
03. You check up this module and plan your timetable accordingly:
Lectures - Tues & Thurs
Labs - Monday
Tutorials - Friday
All your other modules slot nicely into the other days.
On the day of balloting, you realise that Friday tutorial sessions no longer exist.
-------------------------
02. You assure yourself that good/honesty will prevail, when your friend confides in you that he took his laboratory code from another friend. You keep it to yourself, because you feel that ultimately, he will not learn anything by doing so, and when the examinations come, he will be clueless to answer the questions. He may even risk getting caught by the school.
On the day of release of results, he excitedly tells you he's gotten an A-.
You check your grades: B+.
--------------------------------------------------
And for the MOST irritating thing being an SoC student...
01. This weird guy follows you to the computer labs. Wen you reach into your bag to fish for your matric card to unlock the doors, sweating and panting from the afternoon heat, he stands behind you folding his arms like a cool cucumber.
He's waiting for YOU open the door for him.
Just Another Day In School... #2
A university undergraduate made a posting in one of the module's online forums. And a very intelligient one:
When you post it once, it's a question.
When you post it twice, it may be an accident (browser problem, lagging Internet).
When you post it thrice or more...
When you post it once, it's a question.
When you post it twice, it may be an accident (browser problem, lagging Internet).
When you post it thrice or more...
On The Bus... #10 or The Taxi Driver
The bus stops at a junction, pulling alongside a taxi.
Looking into the taxi, it had no passengers save for the driver. He looked to be in his 50's.
He was clutching onto a styrofoam packet (his dinner), and frantically wolfing the food down with the plastic spoon.
He managed to stuff 7 spoons of food into his mouth before the light turned green. He leaves his half-eaten dinner as it is, frantically closing the packet of food and placed it behind his steering wheel on the dashboard.
He then drove off to look for his next fare.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had 3 kids to feed at home, an unemployed wife, and a sick mother to take care of.
Looking into the taxi, it had no passengers save for the driver. He looked to be in his 50's.
He was clutching onto a styrofoam packet (his dinner), and frantically wolfing the food down with the plastic spoon.
He managed to stuff 7 spoons of food into his mouth before the light turned green. He leaves his half-eaten dinner as it is, frantically closing the packet of food and placed it behind his steering wheel on the dashboard.
He then drove off to look for his next fare.
I wouldn't be surprised if he had 3 kids to feed at home, an unemployed wife, and a sick mother to take care of.
Just Another Day In School... #1
It was just another lecture marking the start of the school semester and the lecturer was doing his job at the front of the lecture hall.
A non-local student sitting in front of me cannot find the page in his notes to match what he sees on the projector screen. He flips frantically, back and forth, and glances all around him in hope of getting a clue of which page he should be at (he was not late for the lecture, if that's what you're thinking).
He glances back at me. I ignore him and look up and away from him. His two friends to the left and right of him were quiet. The 3 of them were huddled around this single set of notes.
He flips back and forth again, and finally, he turns around and pops the question, "Do you know which page he's (lecturer) at now?"
I gave him a straight face and told him, "I don't know. I'm copying down everything on the screen."
He gives up, and turns back around.
A non-local student sitting in front of me cannot find the page in his notes to match what he sees on the projector screen. He flips frantically, back and forth, and glances all around him in hope of getting a clue of which page he should be at (he was not late for the lecture, if that's what you're thinking).
He glances back at me. I ignore him and look up and away from him. His two friends to the left and right of him were quiet. The 3 of them were huddled around this single set of notes.
He flips back and forth again, and finally, he turns around and pops the question, "Do you know which page he's (lecturer) at now?"
I gave him a straight face and told him, "I don't know. I'm copying down everything on the screen."
He gives up, and turns back around.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
What In The World Were You Thinking!?
A person posed a very stupid question in the forums of a module. The module has no final exams.
I quote the query posted:
hi,
i read in the module faq that the term paper is supposed to be 5000 words long... is this correct? it seems pretty long... anyone got any idea if it is 5000?
thanks :)
My reply to this idiot would be:
Eh HELLO!!! WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!! WHAT YOU THINKING? Don't want a long term paper? So how you want to be graded? Or did you just want an easy life?
As the hokkien saying goes, "Want cheap, want young (girls), want one with two big boobs."
This student's either stupid, a complete moron, or just wants the easy way out of everything.
PS: This student was enrolled in 2002. So that makes the student a 4th year student in the university (year 2005 now).
I quote the query posted:
hi,
i read in the module faq that the term paper is supposed to be 5000 words long... is this correct? it seems pretty long... anyone got any idea if it is 5000?
thanks :)
My reply to this idiot would be:
Eh HELLO!!! WAKE UP YOUR BLOODY IDEA!! WHAT YOU THINKING? Don't want a long term paper? So how you want to be graded? Or did you just want an easy life?
As the hokkien saying goes, "Want cheap, want young (girls), want one with two big boobs."
This student's either stupid, a complete moron, or just wants the easy way out of everything.
PS: This student was enrolled in 2002. So that makes the student a 4th year student in the university (year 2005 now).
Friday, August 05, 2005
On The Bus... #9 or A Well-Thought Plan
Two men boarded the bus. One was wearing designer clothes, with a thick-rimmed stylish spectacles to complement his classy look.
The other had on a sleeveless t-shirt, showing off his well-toned and muscular tanned arms. He was carry a very large piece of luggage, possibly large enough to hold two dozen golden taps, or at least 600,000 peanuts.
I was seated at the last row of the double-deckered Super Bus, and the stylish chap came to the back and stood beside me, beckoning his friend over.
Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag came over, and dumped his load on the ground, right in front of where I was seated.
"Shit! Either I have to walk over his body-bag, or I'll have to pray that they get off before me," I thought.
By this time, the two of them had their rears positioned left and right of me, with me and the body-bag in between them. The overpowering cologne smell wafted through the air-conditioned bus, settling down with a radius that reached the rear exit of the bus. (Trust me on this one.)
Heads turned to look at them as they boarded the bus and got seated.
So then they started their conversation about the sun and the sky, about the wind and the rain. Loud laughter punctuated the end of every sentence, together with audible "Oh my God, really?!!!" accentuated their presence, with grins showing off their pearly-white rows of teeth. Following which, the unmistakable broken-wrist-with-only-the-index-finger-sticking-out gestures proved their identities.
Not to mention that I even noticed Designer-Guy throwing glances at me (It is very unlikely that another stranger's eyes meet yours more than thrice on a same bus trip. Much less likely when it's the eyes of somebody of the same gender as you).
I was lucky they disembarked before me. I had feared the worst, preparing myself for my wrists to be grabbed by Designer-Guy when I was going to hold onto the railing to cross over the trap laid by Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag.
A well-thought plan indeed.
The other had on a sleeveless t-shirt, showing off his well-toned and muscular tanned arms. He was carry a very large piece of luggage, possibly large enough to hold two dozen golden taps, or at least 600,000 peanuts.
I was seated at the last row of the double-deckered Super Bus, and the stylish chap came to the back and stood beside me, beckoning his friend over.
Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag came over, and dumped his load on the ground, right in front of where I was seated.
"Shit! Either I have to walk over his body-bag, or I'll have to pray that they get off before me," I thought.
By this time, the two of them had their rears positioned left and right of me, with me and the body-bag in between them. The overpowering cologne smell wafted through the air-conditioned bus, settling down with a radius that reached the rear exit of the bus. (Trust me on this one.)
Heads turned to look at them as they boarded the bus and got seated.
So then they started their conversation about the sun and the sky, about the wind and the rain. Loud laughter punctuated the end of every sentence, together with audible "Oh my God, really?!!!" accentuated their presence, with grins showing off their pearly-white rows of teeth. Following which, the unmistakable broken-wrist-with-only-the-index-finger-sticking-out gestures proved their identities.
Not to mention that I even noticed Designer-Guy throwing glances at me (It is very unlikely that another stranger's eyes meet yours more than thrice on a same bus trip. Much less likely when it's the eyes of somebody of the same gender as you).
I was lucky they disembarked before me. I had feared the worst, preparing myself for my wrists to be grabbed by Designer-Guy when I was going to hold onto the railing to cross over the trap laid by Tanned-Arms-With-A-Body-Bag.
A well-thought plan indeed.
Better Late Than Never?
Sometimes when you suddenly require a book from the public libraries, you go all out, riled up and excited, and key in your book title into the online catalogue, either from home or from the library itself.
*Click* "1 RESULT RETURNED..."
Eagerly, you click that and true enough, the library holds a copy of the book that you want! *Grin*
"Oh shucks! It's On Loan!" *Disappointed frown*
You think to yourself, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just head over to the library on the day that the book is due and get it right after the person returns it. Or I might just be lucky when the bloke returns it earlier."
So you click on "More Details..." and you see that the "Due Date" parameter says the book is already one, two weeks, or even a month overdue.
What's wrong with these people.
*Click* "1 RESULT RETURNED..."
Eagerly, you click that and true enough, the library holds a copy of the book that you want! *Grin*
"Oh shucks! It's On Loan!" *Disappointed frown*
You think to yourself, "Oh well, it doesn't matter, I'll just head over to the library on the day that the book is due and get it right after the person returns it. Or I might just be lucky when the bloke returns it earlier."
So you click on "More Details..." and you see that the "Due Date" parameter says the book is already one, two weeks, or even a month overdue.
What's wrong with these people.
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